Why does he not want to commit? Watch

ApeXaviour
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#21
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#21
(Original post by rosetinted)
Sounds like he's just not that into you. He doesn't want to make the time to have a relationship with you (or possibly with anyone).
Hate to say it but this very much seems to be the case. I can't understand it personally (we men are certainly not all like that). Though I do know some men who have said and believed that, then met somebody else and gone had longterm relationships.

The last thing you seem to want is a casual relationship so at least you're going about it in the right way. If he's not willing to give you what you need then move on.
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lorrybeep
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
I really just don't get that. I can't understand when you click with someone, why you wouldn't want to see how it develops? Just switching off, liek that!
he wants it developed but just doesnt want to miss out other fishes
and maybe he thinks its not worth missing out other girls for this one relationship (guess the reason why )

cost and benefit analysis

everyone does that
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Anonymous User
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#23
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#23
(Original post by papz_007)
dont wanna sound rude and dash your feelings out the window...but perhaps he got what he wanted?
Haven't slept with him yet.

Thanks for your comments. It just hurts a whole bunch and i really don't get it, but will have to move on. He has had obsessive girlf in the past, perhaps I was too much? I mean, I am pretty busy too, but its not like I want to marry him, just to see him 2 times a week, stay over once, its not much.

The worst part is that we are having Christmas in the same village and will bump into each other. I feel like my heart is going to break in two. Dammit for falling so hard, AGAIN. :mad:
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shoryuken
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
Boys, I need your help - can you tell me why a guy who is interested in me, doesn't want to commit?

Yes, I know he's after sex, but what is it about - when its more than that, as in we've both admitted we have feelings for each other, we have a great laugh and get on very well. He's told me he doesn't have time for a relationship, which makes me think "Rubbish", as my girly brain says "He'd make time for you".

My question is - why when we have such a great time together does he not want to follow up with a relationship? To me, if i get on with someone and there are reciprocated feelings, then you'd be mad not to see what happens, but he's "just not after a relationship right now".
:confused: :confused: :confused:
Erm, probably exactly that. He wants some of the benefits of a relationship however not the perceived negatives i.e. loss of opportunity for other sex partners; being obligated to spend time with you; having someone that he's got to answer to.

I get on great with a girl I'm seeing at the mo' but I don't have the time or inclination to get involved in a full blown relationship at the moment, particularly with me being in final year and wanting freedom to do as I please after graduation! I did make her aware of that from the night I met her, though. It worries me that some girls don't seem to listen when you're honest and upfront about these things :confused:

As for your comment about him having an obsessive gf in the past - that may also be relevant - as my obsessive ex is half the reason I don't want to get with anyone for quite some time indeed :rolleyes:
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Anonymous User
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#25
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#25
(Original post by richkerrigan)
Erm, probably exactly that. He wants some of the benefits of a relationship however not the perceived negatives i.e. loss of opportunity for other sex partners; being obligated to spend time with you; having someone that he's got to answer to.

I get on great with a girl I'm seeing at the mo' but I don't have the time or inclination to get involved in a full blown relationship at the moment, particularly with me being in final year and wanting freedom to do as I please after graduation! I did make her aware of that from the night I met her, though. It worries me that some girls don't seem to listen when you're honest and upfront about these things :confused:
Thanks Rich. I know what you mean. Its v confusing tho when he says one thing "I don't want a relationship" and then does another (kisses me and says can he take me out for dinner on Saturday :mad: )

Also concerned I may have a different attitude to relationships - here everyone seems to live in each others pockets i.e. "full blown" spending every minute together - I'm not suggesting I get married to him, just hang out together twice a week perhaps, enjoy each others company and laugh like we do when we meet up. I certainly don't want to settle down. Am I barking up the wrong tree?
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shoryuken
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks Rich. I know what you mean. Its v confusing tho when he says one thing "I don't want a relationship" and then does another (kisses me and says can he take me out for dinner on Saturday :mad: )

Also concerned I may have a different attitude to relationships - here everyone seems to live in each others pockets i.e. "full blown" spending every minute together - I'm not suggesting I get married to him, just hang out together twice a week perhaps, enjoy each others company and laugh like we do when we meet up. I certainly don't want to settle down. Am I barking up the wrong tree?
Well, it depends really. It sounds like, much like myself, he's not really prepared to 'give up' the 'freedom' he has at the moment, so isn't likely to be in a position to provide you with the sort of arrangement you're looking for at the moment . Regardless of the amount of time you'd be spending together, it'd still be the loss of his 'freedom' that sounds like the main issue to me.

If you've told him how you feel and he's made it clear that he's not willing, I think it's probably best to cut ties as you clearly both want different things from the involvement you have from each other: imo, inevitably it'll end up with you being that one that'll end up hurt.

EDITS: Corrections...
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Anonymous User
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#27
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#27
(Original post by richkerrigan)
Well, it depends really. It sounds like, much like myself, he's not really prepared to 'give up' the 'freedom' he has at the moment, so isn't likely to be in a position to provide you with the sort of arrangement you're looking for at the moment . Regardless of the amount of time you'd be spending together, it'd still be the loss of his 'freedom' that sounds like the main issue to me.

If you've told him how you feel and he's made it clear that he's not willing, I think it's probably best to cut ties as you clearly both want different things from the involvement you have from each other: imo, inevitably it'll end up with you being that one that'll end up hurt.

EDITS: Corrections...
:bawling: it is not fair. We've agreed not to contact each other as we can't be friends, which is a shame. I know I have to get over it all, its just nice to have his persective via you rich. Wanna go out?
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fundamentally
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
I done that. Reasons are: 1) He's studying whilsts working FT 2) He plays poker every weekend 3) He'd rather ve out having fun with his mates 4) I.e. he is too busy.
why badger him into something that will prbably fizzle out anyway

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(Original post by Anonymous)
Its v confusing tho when he says one thing "I don't want a relationship" and then does another (kisses me and says can he take me out for dinner on Saturday :mad: )
not confusing at all.
he just wants sex
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Segat1
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#29
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#29
(Original post by fundamentally)
why badger him into something that will prbably fizlle out anyway

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not cnfusing at all.
he just want sezx
Geez mate, read the previous posts. And learn to spell.
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fundamentally
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#30
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#30
(Original post by segat1)
Geez mate, read the previous posts. And learn to spell.
dont be stuck up
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shoryuken
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
:bawling: it is not fair. We've agreed not to contact each other as we can't be friends, which is a shame. I know I have to get over it all, its just nice to have his persective via you rich. Wanna go out?
Hehe, a glutton for punishment?
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sebbie
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#32
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#32
I've been with people and the feeling is completely sexual, I feel absolutely nothing for them except raw sexual desire.... However there are others who I've loved loads.... Maybe his love for you falls into the first category....
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louise28k
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#33
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#33
try not to worry, me n my bloke were just like you, it was sexual, he neva wanted anythin more but over time things gradually got more and more serous, we're both loved up now and very happy. dont rush him, if its meant to b it will happn in time
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shoryuken
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#34
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#34
(Original post by louise28k)
try not to worry, me n my bloke were just like you, it was sexual, he neva wanted anythin more but over time things gradually got more and more serous, we're both loved up now and very happy. dont rush him, if its meant to b it will happn in time
Imo, this is the worst opinion/advice to the OP in this thread...

No offence here, but if he's been honest about his feelings (as I have in my current situation) then there's really no point in hoping that things might change...!

I was advised by a 50 y/o lady I work with that "the girl might think that if she sleeps with you eventually your attitude to the relationship may change". Evidently, this is true :confused: :confused:

Sure, it may have happened in this particular situation but generally I'm fairly certain this isn't the case!
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mninjas
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#35
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#35
its better you sit and have a honest talk with him. and try to understand his point of view(which i think you are missing out on).its good that he has told you honestly what he feels, he cud have taken you for a spin.he hasnt,so be grateful to that and plz be patient.
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