My parents disowned me - help advice needed

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Anonymous #1
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I have (or had) really strict Muslim asian parents, I tried to compromise with them but they wouldn't have any of it. They said that if I left home they would disown me, so I tried to make them happy and myself, but nothing would please them and I was still miserable.

I moved out while they were out, and left a letter explaining that I loved them,still want them in my life. My dad called me to say that I was dead to them and I would never see anyone in my family again. My aunt who I got along really well with and was like a second mother is ignoring my phonecalls as is everyone else.

I feel alone, and I'm scared of what will happen of my life now, uni is months away, and I have a part time job, I can see my friends whenever I want, I've slept with my boyfriend (which I feel so guilty about) but nothing makes me happy. I feel really sad, and regret what I've done, I just want to go back home and I can't.

There's no way they will forgive me, I just need to come in to terms with that I've left. This is what I wanted since I was 15 (to move out) and I'm 20 now and it's nothing like I expected, the loneliness is unbearable.
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Oh my Ms. Coffey
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Ah, Atheist life :flutter:
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mikeyd85
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Give yourself time. Soon you'll be over the loneliness and full of independence. Well done you for following your dreams though, makes you much stronger than most of us.
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MilkyC
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http://www.lgeoresearch.com/img/party.gif
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Anonymous #1
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I don't feel proud of myself at all! I feel guilt ridden with regret.
My boyfriend (athiest, white) told me we don't have a future and that he can't offer me anything long term and we're sleeping together, I just feel bad.
I'm not an athiest, I'm a Muslim..a bad one.
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-Iffy-
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Did you parents disown you because you moved out or was it also because they found out you have a boyfriend? You did say they were strict so perhaps both?
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Lollyage
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I've always thought that parents who can disown their children for wanting to follow their dreams aren't even fit to be called parents. If that's really all the love these people had for you then you're better off without them. You have nothing to regret and some day I'm sure you'll realise you did the right thing.
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HK1
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I knew you would be Muslim from the title.
I think your parents will come around. Hopefully your dad just said that in the heat of the moment.

One thing Muslim parents forget is that their children have grown up in the UK. Not a Muslim country. Many of their friends will be English and the child themself will consider themself to be English. They want the child to be the perfect Muslim to listen to everything their parents tell them but that's unreasonable.

I'm not sure about you op but many times i've had to hear my dad bang on about how i'm Muslim-Pakistani and not English. Even though i've lived in England my whole life.

Not sure how this will help op.
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Rebellious-Steve
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They did warn you.
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Boogaloo_Shrimp
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are you the same person who posted the thread about the overbearing mother?
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Arky
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For what it's worth, I think you have made the right decision, but it might take a while for you to realise it. They were unreasonable - no one should be that miserable at home, especially as an adult. Wait until university and enjoy the summer and liberties you have missed out on. Make a life for yourself and don't give up hope of seeing other family members in the future
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PedalBrain
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't feel proud of myself at all! I feel guilt ridden with regret.
My boyfriend (athiest, white) told me we don't have a future and that he can't offer me anything long term and we're sleeping together, I just feel bad.
I'm not an athiest, I'm a Muslim..a bad one.
I cant speak from a religious point of view, but you're whole life is ahead of you. Loneliness with independence is better than company but trapped and miserable.
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Pipthesalad
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if they're real parents they'll want you back
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XRi
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If you return, they gonna stone you? ...


Quit caring for now because there's nothing you can do. Concentrate on what's important, like your own life. Maybe they'll be intelligent enough to realise that moving out is a major component in the lives of all successful westerners (comment regarding basement-boys) >_>
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tia.may
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OMG =(( i feel so sorry for you!

I come from a relatively strict muslim family, and there are many times i wish i could just run away. I couldnt do it but you are brave.

You have gotta ask yourself what you want. If you wanna go back to your family you are going to have to give up your bf and do everything they say.

If you dont wanna go back then your gonna have to grow up and live with the choices that you made. And hopefully in time your family may forgive you but dont count on it. Muslim parents are veryy stubborn.

Stay strong and be happy :-)
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Stephsully
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Firstly, avoid listening to tough love by Plan B.
Secondly, you have been thrusted into adulthood, there are obvious cons to this, but there are also pros! The loneliness will dissapate, Its just getting used to your new life, and remember your parents no matter what they do will be missing you too, may just be a little over run with anger at the moment. Im assuming you've got your own place? Keep safe, keep your friends close and concentrate on what is important to you. Your 20 years old with your whole life ahead of you! If you had never done this and university was out of the question... how would you feel?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by -Iffy-)
Did you parents disown you because you moved out or was it also because they found out you have a boyfriend? You did say they were strict so perhaps both?
Because I moved out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Boogaloo_Shrimp)
are you the same person who posted the thread about the overbearing mother?
No, I read that thread and can relate to it but it's not me.
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Boristhethird
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(Original post by mikeyd85)
Give yourself time. Soon you'll be over the loneliness and full of independence. Well done you for following your dreams though, makes you much stronger than most of us.
this.
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reck
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(Original post by PedalBrain)
I cant speak from a religious point of view, but you're whole life is ahead of you. Loneliness with independence is better than company but trapped and miserable.
The one piece of advice you will ever need regarding the situation.


I was in a similar position, but as the white boyfriend. Her parents were strict and religious.

It didn't work out long term, but my ex gained her independence and is a better person for it. Eventually her parents accepted her as she was.
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