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Annoyed with parents

Maybe it is just me, I just don't know anymore.

Everytime we have people round for a meal, or drinks or whatever, I get warned to 'behave' myself and not be rude or go off in a strop etc. For a starters I am 18 and at uni, I'm not a kid anymore.

I get so annoyed with my parents because they are ridiculously protective and treat me like a little child. The first thing my mum said to me a few weeks ago when I came back from uni for a few days was that I'd put on weight, and this was in front of one of my closest friends who is so skinny its sickening. Throughout the weekend comments kept being made, in front of people who were round, and it really upset me, and they didn't realise it. I just got shouted at and told I was being pathetic. Maybe I was, but they go on at me saying I am too sensitive, when its them that is making me like this. They are always taking the mic out of me about everything, and to be honest I am really sick of it. I thought going to uni would make things better but it hasn't. I can just about cope with being insulted when its just me there, but in front of friends, family, neighbours etc, I just can't.

We had people round for a meal last night, and liked what we were having to eat so I ate it all and had a bit extra. My uncle said ooh wow Nat's eaten it all etc, because I never used to eat, and I was petrified that some comment was going to come up about me putting on weight etc so I didn't have any dessert, I just stayed in the kitchen and did all the washing up. Same as today, after we'd finished out Christmas dinner, I washed up and didn't have any pudding because I'm scared something is going to be said and then I'll get in a mood and then be in trouble.

I hate living like this. I get moaned at for not spending enough time with them, I am either in my room, playing instruments, or on the computer, but the thing is , if I don't really like spending time with them, I feel I could be insulted at any moment and then I'd get really upset.

I know that later or tomorrow morning when our friends our gone, I'll get another yelling from one of them and I am dreading it.

I might be pathetic and more emotionally unsettled than others, but I really can't keep going on like this. It's upsetting me even typing it. It's hard to explain through typing what really goes on, but anyway I'll shut up now and let everyone laugh.

:frown:

Reply 1

You poor thing :frown:

I'm going through a similar thing, and I reckon it's quite common when you're used to the independence and freedom of uni and being surrounded by friendly people then get dragged right back down when you get home...suddenly it feels like all the rules have changed. You're not being unreasonable for being upset, a lot of people find it hard to adjust, and probably your family is too...maybe it'll take them longer to treat you more like an adult - I know my family are being very slow about this!

Maybe the best thing to do for now is ride over it and have a quiet word with your parents that you're unhappy about the situation just before you go back. I don't want to go home again for a long time because I feel stifled at home and just making family relationships worse it seems...but I wouldn't recommend that except in a really extreme circumstance, since they are your relatives after all and will miss you when you're away. They probably just have a crap way of showing it.

Really hope it all starts to improve soon, try not to sound like you're complaining but let them know you're grown up now and need to feel a bit more respect if you're going to join in with the family more. Best of luck xxx

Reply 2

q1w2e3r4t5y

Hi, I know what it can be like, to spend time in a room all day, away from your family and sometimes you just feel like you don't want to talk to anyone. My parents sometimes get annoyed that I stay in the piano room (where the computer is aswell) for long hours, but maybe you just need to make a little bit of effort to talk to them sometimes... and maybe tell them how you feel about them making comments about you? Are they unaware that this is getting you upset? I'm sure if you had a serious talk to them about it, they'd try to be aware of what they say around you.
Maybe, you take what your parents say a little too seriously? Maybe you're scared of criticism? I don't know, but my parents can criticise me a lot as well, and other close relatives, and they always comment on how much weight I've gained, or lost (Chinese families tend to do that a lot :rolleyes:

) but I used to get upset when I was younger about it, but generally not anymore, because I've come to realise that their comments really mean nothing, and I think if you try to maybe brush off their comments with a joke, or take it lightly, then it won't affect you as much?
I'm sure if you talked to your parents about all of it, at least that's one step towards something possibly being able to be solved.
Good luck with your situation, I hope you get it sorted out soon, and remember you're at uni, many people would die to be away from their family and have the chance to be independant.

Reply 3

ProfessorFitBoy

From what youve said it sounds as if your situation is somewhat more serious than a mere family feud.

You are right - you cant go on living like this - and neither can you continue to avoid your family, as they are after all your family.

I think you really need to talk to your parents, not in a manner which will lead to an eruption but in a deadly serious, concerned and mature manner.
You need to tell them exactly how you feel, how you think they make you feel (without coming across as slagging them off, and neither trying to blame them), and explain how much it upsets you.

Their and your relatives behaviour, which at times sounds quite cruel, is most probably a product of partly intentional malice and partly sheer ignorance and misunderstanding on their part towards your feelings.
I am sure that if they are ultimately decent people - which they probably are - they will understand and maybe end up feeling somewhat embarassed about their actions towards you.

I am not a qualified counsellor, so try talking to a councellor at your University - they are not as un-approachable as some people would have others believe.

Anyway hope this helps :wink:

Reply 4

sexysax

Thanks for the replies. :smile:

Maybe I do take them too seriously, they are always telling me to brush off any silly comments as a joke etc but I find this really hard to do. I guess I do take things quite personally.

Earlier this year when I was still at school, this all became too much, along with other things and I told my favourite music teacher and we had a meeting and stuff with my mum and headteacher, and things got ever so slightly better for a while. I felt a lot better because I felt I could talk to someone about things when I was in school. But after a while it just went back to normal again. I am scared to talk to my parents about it, because what usually happens is they get annoyed and shout, then I get upset and then it just defeats the point.

They hate my brothers girlfriend, which is one problem thats making them stressed at the moment, and when I tried to talk to them about that, I just got shouted at.

I don't know what I can do other than put up with it when I have to be here in between uni, and then as soon as I finish uni, get out asap.

EDIT- Just seen above post. Thanks. :smile:

Reply 5

Hey, I'm also too emotional like that. Check out the "too emotional?" thread. So don't think it's pathetic to be so emotional about it because it's not. Your parents should be aware of your sensitivity. You need to speak to them. I know mine are the same, I try telling them that I'm just emotional but they prefer to call it immature :rolleyes:

. It also looks like you're looking into what people say too closely. Next time they say something like that to you, don't suffer in silence but also don't show them you care too much. Instead, give a sarcastic reply of some sort. But the dessert thing, seriously, don't let their comments stop y ou having it. They also have dessert. It's there to be eaten. Tell them to stop being so pathetic. They need a slap. But don't slap them lol, not a good idea!

Anyway, I think i'm rambling now! Hope you get it sorted. :smile: