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Does anyone know how to get semen stains out of a mattress?

I'm moving out in a week and there's distinct evidence or where I haven't managed to contain it all and its left stains. The landlord is the kind of person who WILL check that kind of thing on house inspection so would like to get rid of the marks. Does anyone have any suggestions? Yes, I know, eww, mattress protector, etc etc.
Thanks guys!

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errr? wtf. this is TSR not help me.com
Reply 2
Avatar for mmmpie
mmmpie
12
Vinegar. Get the clear stuff otherwise you'll have a vinegar stain to deal with.
Reply 3
Avatar for BigJ
BigJ
4
turn the mattress over
you need to suck them out. trust me, it works
Next time get girls who will deal with said mess.
Reply 6
Avatar for Willyg11
Willyg11
Original post by ChessMister
you need to suck them out. trust me, it works


Seconded. Get some real saliva into it....
pour some strong cleaning agent on it and scrub.
Lick it up.
Reply 9
Avatar for Huskaris
Huskaris
16
Holy Water
Cover every inch with spunk and he will just think his UV light has broke. Plus you get to **** a lot. Win.
Reply 11
Avatar for presh5
presh5
9
Bleach it proper and give it a good scrub! Not that I know about semen stains, but bleach gets rid of almost anything!
Lay a towel down beforehand...they're not too hard to cum by.
Reply 13
Avatar for Blutarsky
Blutarsky
2
Now, when you say he's 'the sort of person who would check', do you mean he's a neurotic douche-bag, or a sex pervert who gets off to other people's semen on his furniture?


Or a mixture of the two?
Reply 14
Avatar for skibur
skibur
12
you shouldn't let you're boyfriend do this :frown:
Reply 15
Avatar for Blutarsky
Blutarsky
2
Original post by skibur
you shouldn't let you're boyfriend do this :frown:


Your*

Spoiler

Reply 16
Avatar for Liam_G
Liam_G
14
Oh my God. This thread is too funny :teehee:

OP, I implore you to go ahead with any one of these suggestions :yes:
What a ****er
Original post by Blutarsky
Your*




Best picture ever.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm moving out in a week and there's distinct evidence or where I haven't managed to contain it all and its left stains. The landlord is the kind of person who WILL check that kind of thing on house inspection so would like to get rid of the marks. Does anyone have any suggestions? Yes, I know, eww, mattress protector, etc etc.
Thanks guys!


Let us follow the logic dictated in the other most heinous and ephemeral stains; the stains created by that delightful coinnoisseurship that is found in wine. Red wine can be removed by white wine, the widely-accepted antithesis in combating the havoc created by that ox-blood beverage.

Following this, we may suppose that poo should be employed to rid your mattress of your gentlemanly vegetable league.

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