Becoming the "Gay" best friend

Hey guys wonder if you could offer some insightful advice to my little dilemma...

Basically i was watching a particularly hilarious episode of Scrubs today which involved JD having to kiss Elliot in 48 hours or risk becoming friends forever...sorry for those who have no idea what on earth im going on about. Anyway This got me thinking about a girl who im particularly close to at the moment.

We are both on gap years and we get on really really well, we see each other fairly regularly, text each other alot and are on MSN for hours at a time etc etc...and herein lies the problem...we can talk about anything and indeed we have talked about most things regarding the significant aspect of our lives - her boyfriend included (she claims to be completely faithful). Basically our discussion often deviates to the rather immature practice of naming people we find attractive and would sleep with etc. I say "Oh i like such and such" and she reciprocates with the guys she likes...she always says oh i like him and him but doesnt extend it to me....ill be honest i like her ALOT, but being the simpleton that i am never say "oh i like you!" Anyway to cut a long story short we talk alot mostly about relationships and personal stuff. But my fear is that i have become the stereotypical "gay" best friend, where this girl confides most things in me, but doesnt see me in a physical/sexual way at all.

So being friends we go out clubbing and on one particular night she gets absolutely pissed of her face.... When ive left the club she pulls another bloke we both know who isnt her bf....basically she texts .......as if trying to justify her actions of the previous night...or does this just tie back with me being the stereotypical gay best mate??

I really do like this girl both in terms of looks and personality and we're going travelling round Europe together for 3 or so months this summer...i dont want to lose my travel partner but i dont want to scare her off by saying btw i fancy the pants off you :rolleyes:

! But how can i dispell this myth of wanting to be just a mate without offending/upsetting/losing her as a travel partner?

cheers
xx :smile:

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Reply 1

NeverMindThat

You are currently the gay-best-mate whichever way you look at it.

Its up to you to change that.

Reply 2

Harv616

It will never work with her, find somebody else is probably your best option.

Whena girl sees you like that, your doomed

Reply 3

Lush Law

Oh just get over it. Who cares whether you're a stereotypical gay best friend? It's nobody else's business.

Don't be so insecure.

Reply 4

NeverMindThat

Well... She does. Thats the point. Women either think of you as a friend, or a potential love interest. Once you become too firmly entrenched in one catagory its difficult to enter the other.

Reply 5

Adzz

red_roadkill

Oh just get over it. Who cares whether you're a stereotypical gay best friend? It's nobody else's business.

Don't be so insecure.

ahmen

Reply 6

Barny

NeverMindThat

Well... She does. Thats the point. Women either think of you as a friend, or a potential love interest. Once you become too firmly entrenched in one catagory its difficult to enter the other.

Don't believe everything you read on the internet..

Reply 7

Beelzebub

NeverMindThat

Well... She does. Thats the point. Women either think of you as a friend, or a potential love interest. Once you become too firmly entrenched in one catagory its difficult to enter the other.

I don't think that's necessarily true. I can think of a few male friends who I'm happy to talk about anything with and am close to, but if I found out they fancied me I'd probably start seeing them in a different light. On the other hand, since you're going travelling together you have got something to loose by putting it out there, so maybe you should just wait? But certainly there's nothing to say that because she sees you as someone she can talk to you're off limits romantically/sexually, she's probably just not thinking about it because she doesn't think you are.

Reply 8

Poica

If you're not gay, you can hardly claim to be the 'gay best friend'; the relationship is slightly different if you were gay than if you were a straight friend.

Reply 9

Harv616

Poica

If you're not gay, you can hardly claim to be the 'gay best friend'; the relationship is slightly different if you were gay than if you were a straight friend.

I think he means that she sees him as JUST a friend, theres no chance of them getting together. Hence the gay best friend line.

Reply 10

HTale

Nobody cares, to be honest. Just ask her: "what do you think of me?"...hollywood ending etc.

Reply 11

musicbloke

and the trouble is that the chances are that you're condemned to a life of being the best friend with loads of people - seems to happen to me anyway.

MB

Reply 12

BlueRoses

Well, i'm a girl in a similar situation that ur thinking about putting your friend into. I talk to this guy a lot, and then he started dropping REALLY obvious hints he liked me as more than a friend. Before this we would have great conversations about everything, including our miserable (lack of) love lives. Now I don't feel I can talk to him about this at all for fear of hurting his feelings when I say I like other people.

I'm not saying DON'T tell her, just think about what u've got to lose if you do. It could make your 3 months travelling more awkward. Maybe if you get on well during the travelling, she'll start to feel the same way?

Well... She does. Thats the point. Women either think of you as a friend, or a potential love interest. Once you become too firmly entrenched in one catagory its difficult to enter the other.

Hahahahahaha.... sadly kinda true

Reply 13

SilverWings

She knows you like her anyway - I mean, you've probably been giving off blatent signs for ages, she's just waiting for you to say it!! :p:

Who gives a *****?

I'm kinda in the girls position too, but when the guy told me he liked me i was glad he was honest and it hasn't changed anything, and yes I am starting to see him another light. So tell her.

Reply 16

nikk

I have a nasty habit of becoming the 'gay best friend' with all the girls I meet (i'm not gay, i'm using it in the sense used above).

Reply 17

Tyler Durden

Go travelling with her and if anything is gonna happen it will then!

Reply 18

beanie

My best friend is a guy and he is definatly not gay, and we don't feel anything for each other at all... I don't see him as 'the gay best mate' role, hes like my brother/twin. But yeah, we talk about literally everything and share everything with eachother, and talk about guys/girls each of us likes etc.... a very similar relationship to what you've described with your girl mate. We're also going travelling together in the summer round Europe!

I'd wait and see what happens when you're in Europe together, as to be honest if my mate said something to me along the lines of 'I like you' I'd be like wtf? and just totally laugh it off... you could maybe ask her what she thinks of you, as she'd be honest with you and I don't think you'd really loose out either way. As shes your best friend shes hardly gona keep reminding you of 'the time you said you liked me' if she doesnt like you in that way, and if she does feel the same way then you're sorted! I think my friend used to like me, as we were talking about it one day, and he said he can see himself marrying me :eek: