flat mate

i started uni in september and live in a flat with 5 other lads. none of them know i'm gay and i'm not really ready to say anything. i fancy one of my really good friends, i know he isn't gay. do you think i should just carry on being his friend without telling him how i feel? and actually have him as a friend, or risk telling him and possibly risk losing his friendship? i'd like him to know how i feel, as we get on so well, but i dunno how he will react. it could be very awkward if he reacts negatively to live with him and i don't blame such a reaction. but on the other hand i feel awful when he brings girls back after a night out and altho i shouldn't i get really jealous!! ooooh dunno what to do!! what do ppl think? x

Reply 1

vicky600

2

I think u should maybe leave it if u dont want to ruin the friendship as u dont know how he will react.. chances are he may not be bothered.. U may not want to tell him u have feelings for him when u know he's not gay..
When ur comfortable enough to tell them about ur sexuality tell them x

Reply 2

boho

1

i know its tough, but in my experience, with guys its a lot more difficult. my friend liz whos gay admitted to having feelings for one of her best friends, but things didn't change. her friend accepted the fact liz had strong feelings for her, and liz accepted that it was never going to go anywhere. but with blokes, i've seen it happen too many times, and i know it sounds wrong to say, but i'd honestly just keep it to yourself if you want to remain friends with this guy. blokes get too funny about this idea, and things just always end up for the worse. at the end of the day though, it is up to you x

Reply 3

recurring

11

i wouldn't say a bloody thing! He may treat it as a joke, and his friends indulge in some jovial banter, with the subject being you.

Reply 4

Profesh

20

Anonymous

i started uni in september and live in a flat with 5 other lads. none of them know i'm gay and i'm not really ready to say anything. i fancy one of my really good friends, i know he isn't gay. do you think i should just carry on being his friend without telling him how i feel? and actually have him as a friend, or risk telling him and possibly risk losing his friendship? i'd like him to know how i feel, as we get on so well, but i dunno how he will react. it could be very awkward if he reacts negatively to live with him and i don't blame such a reaction. but on the other hand i feel awful when he brings girls back after a night out and altho i shouldn't i get really jealous!! ooooh dunno what to do!! what do ppl think? x

What, exactly, would be the point?

Reply 5

Fleece

15

you know he isn't gay - so why tell him?

Reply 6

yeh thank you all for the advice! i think deep down i know i should keep it to myself cos it's just not worth the awkwardness! he could very well turn it into a joke! it makes me laugh cos they have all made friends with me and clearly they like me as we're friends (not sounding arrogant) but i could imagine some of them being slightly odd with me if they knew this very unimportant detail! and vicky, all my friends at who know i'm gay said the same! tell them when i'm comfortable myself! thank you! it's awful when you like someone and you know thee is no chance of anything ever happenning!

Reply 7

sean68

Fleece

you know he isn't gay - so why tell him?

you've obviously never been in this situation! unfortunately it's really not as easy as just convincing yourself you don't need to tell them! i really wish it was!

Reply 8

Duck and Cover

15

I think you should tell them all you're gay if you're friends with them. I think u shud milk it for all its worth really! Jus dont say that u have feelings for any of them lol, I know it will be hard, but it will get easier :wink:

x (lol that x, I dont want to look different!)

Reply 9

makeshiftwings

1

DO NOT tell them that you're gay. That way, he'll never figure out that you have feelings for him. TBH, if you tell all then all of them will probably think you're coming onto them. Men are like that and they annoy me.
Oh yeah, and don't tell him you fancy him. Just trying to make your living arrangement peaceful.

Reply 10

whoops! just replied and it didn't come up as anonymous user! lol and i'm usually the one that has a giggle to myself when that happens! and it really isn't nice!!

you know he isn't gay - so why tell him?

if only it was that easy! you can't just dismiss your own feeling even if you wish you could sometimes!

What, exactly, would be the point?

well that's sort of why i'm asking for what ppl think! as i previously said, i don't think it's a great idea to say anything!

Reply 11

I think you should tell them all you're gay if you're friends with them. I think u shud milk it for all its worth really! Jus dont say that u have feelings for any of them lol, I know it will be hard, but it will get easier x (lol that x, I dont want to look different!)

i was thinking of that! but i don't think they are all those sort of lads! and i think that if i told them all, they would as a group distance themselves from me whereas atleast the boy i like has a very sentimental side! i think i'll prob tell him soon that i'm gay, and see how he reacts to that, but certainly won;t be saying my feelings! thanks for the support! and i'll continue with the tradition and return the favour 'x'

Reply 12

Fleece

15

i'm confused.

as in - you were user#1 to start with - why would you change to being user#2?

Reply 13

I think keep shut, it could just be a passing crush because he's attractive and a nice guy. Think of it the other way round, how would you feel if a girl knew you were gay but told you she liked you anyway? I'm sure you wouldn't ignore her, but you might feel a bit weird about it. I don't think he'd be nasty to you but it would be a bit of a shock for him, especially since none of them know you are gay.
If you do want to tell him at some point, wait until they all know you are gay and have accepted it. Although by then you probably won't fancy him!

ta for the advice! x

Reply 14

i'm confused.
as in - you were user#1 to start with - why would you change to being user#2?

i was just using the main computer but then moved to my laptop, and my brother is the main user on the computer so must have been logged on his account! sorry for the confusion!

Reply 15

nikk

15

Yeah if you know he isn't gay then it is definitely best not to say anything about your feelings. Or at least, if you insist that you want to tell him, perhaps first consider letting him know you are gay first so he gets used to that idea. Otherwise it will be a double shock that (1) you are gay, and (2) you like him.

Reply 16

pggirl

Dont say anything. He isnt gay might ruin the friendship! And u have no right to be jealous of the girls he brings home. He is just not inot dat kinda stuff!

Reply 17

And u have no right to be jealous of the girls he brings home

well it's not actually anything to do with right and entitlement, i'm entitled to be jealous of whoever i want to be! i never said anywhere that i wanted to be tho! it's really not a choice!

Reply 18

Duck and Cover

15

pggirl

Dont say anything. He isnt gay might ruin the friendship! And u have no right to be jealous of the girls he brings home. He is just not inot dat kinda stuff!

Every1 gets jealous, its not about rights!

flat mate

Related discussions

Articles for you