My step-dad can really annoy me; I'm trying to be nice but stay sane!

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Smiler24892
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My step-dad has been in a relationship with my mother for about seven years,, and whilst I'm delighted my mother has found happiness with him my voice remains unheard that he still treats me like an 11 year old, constantly singing annoying songs, embarrassing me, annoying me-often visibly on purpose!
For years I've expressed my annoyance- mainly by telling him in the kindest possible way that it irritates me, sometimes (when I've been in a bad mood) I'd really kick off, but now- even though it still winds me up- I often have to resort to ignoring him completely- which in turn makes him act like i'm being rude for doing so.
I've played all my cards but I'm still not being treated my age especially as ,in addition to resorting to childish humour and pulling faces at me as though I'm five, he is ridiculously overprotective!! One time after a night out I was walking down my street and saw him waiting outside the gate-- this being at 9:00 pm!!!
I feel like after all these years he's still feeling insecure about whether or not I've accepted him into the family- failing to realise that if he'd simply listen to me then I would find it a lot easier to get on with him!
I know it might not sound like the most dire of situations, but I'm going beyond mad, and with the A2 year coming up I must keep a calm composure and must be treated as someone who is about to be launched into the "real world".
Help!!!!
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klipsan
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To start with, don't take it out on him too much... it sounds like a difficult situation and because he isn't your dad and hasnt been around for as long as a dad should be, doesn't understand how to treat you. And there's a good chance he's not picking up on these hints because you're not giving them to him loud enough (or so frequently that he's become immune to them). Either speak to him about this on a serious one-to-one level, or try to accept the way he treats you. But by no means snap at him.
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Aminaubah
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
My step-dad has been in a relationship with my mother for about seven years,, and whilst I'm delighted my mother has found happiness with him my voice remains unheard that he still treats me like an 11 year old, constantly singing annoying songs, embarrassing me, annoying me-often visibly on purpose!
For years I've expressed my annoyance- mainly by telling him in the kindest possible way that it irritates me, sometimes (when I've been in a bad mood) I'd really kick off, but now- even though it still winds me up- I often have to resort to ignoring him completely- which in turn makes him act like i'm being rude for doing so.
I've played all my cards but I'm still not being treated my age especially as ,in addition to resorting to childish humour and pulling faces at me as though I'm five, he is ridiculously overprotective!! One time after a night out I was walking down my street and saw him waiting outside the gate-- this being at 9:00 pm!!!
I feel like after all these years he's still feeling insecure about whether or not I've accepted him into the family- failing to realise that if he'd simply listen to me then I would find it a lot easier to get on with him!
I know it might not sound like the most dire of situations, but I'm going beyond mad, and with the A2 year coming up I must keep a calm composure and must be treated as someone who is about to be launched into the "real world".
Help!!!!
Maybe he's doing so to get closer to you. After all, you are calling him your "stepdad". How do you address him? If you don't call him 'dad' then that may be a start........
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DLJ
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
My step-dad has been in a relationship with my mother for about seven years,, and whilst I'm delighted my mother has found happiness with him my voice remains unheard that he still treats me like an 11 year old, constantly singing annoying songs, embarrassing me, annoying me-often visibly on purpose!
For years I've expressed my annoyance- mainly by telling him in the kindest possible way that it irritates me, sometimes (when I've been in a bad mood) I'd really kick off, but now- even though it still winds me up- I often have to resort to ignoring him completely- which in turn makes him act like i'm being rude for doing so.
I've played all my cards but I'm still not being treated my age especially as ,in addition to resorting to childish humour and pulling faces at me as though I'm five, he is ridiculously overprotective!! One time after a night out I was walking down my street and saw him waiting outside the gate-- this being at 9:00 pm!!!
I feel like after all these years he's still feeling insecure about whether or not I've accepted him into the family- failing to realise that if he'd simply listen to me then I would find it a lot easier to get on with him!
I know it might not sound like the most dire of situations, but I'm going beyond mad, and with the A2 year coming up I must keep a calm composure and must be treated as someone who is about to be launched into the "real world".
Help!!!!
After a night out and you're back at 9.00pm???? I think this is the reason why he treats you like you're an 11 year old....
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SoulfulBoy
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
My step-dad has been in a relationship with my mother for about seven years,, and whilst I'm delighted my mother has found happiness with him my voice remains unheard that he still treats me like an 11 year old, constantly singing annoying songs, embarrassing me, annoying me-often visibly on purpose!
For years I've expressed my annoyance- mainly by telling him in the kindest possible way that it irritates me, sometimes (when I've been in a bad mood) I'd really kick off, but now- even though it still winds me up- I often have to resort to ignoring him completely- which in turn makes him act like i'm being rude for doing so.
I've played all my cards but I'm still not being treated my age especially as ,in addition to resorting to childish humour and pulling faces at me as though I'm five, he is ridiculously overprotective!! One time after a night out I was walking down my street and saw him waiting outside the gate-- this being at 9:00 pm!!!
I feel like after all these years he's still feeling insecure about whether or not I've accepted him into the family- failing to realise that if he'd simply listen to me then I would find it a lot easier to get on with him!
I know it might not sound like the most dire of situations, but I'm going beyond mad, and with the A2 year coming up I must keep a calm composure and must be treated as someone who is about to be launched into the "real world".
Help!!!!
Daddy wanna try some stuff on you. Watch out.
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Smiler24892
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(Original post by SoulfulBoy)
Daddy wanna try some stuff on you. Watch out.
That is wrong. You clearly have problems. If you aren't looking to give me serious advice then don't bother leaving a sick comment like that.
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Smiler24892
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#7
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It was one time this wasn't really a "night out" thing- I met some friends at this group I used to go to and would normally have been home about 15 minutes earlier- so it was a little odd that he was waiting for me as I never had a set time to be back and 15 minutes certainly wouldn't have made me "late". Suppose I didn't make it very clear in the message sorry- but I certainly don't act like an 11 year old.
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Rascacielos
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
My step-dad has been in a relationship with my mother for about seven years,, and whilst I'm delighted my mother has found happiness with him my voice remains unheard that he still treats me like an 11 year old, constantly singing annoying songs, embarrassing me, annoying me-often visibly on purpose!
For years I've expressed my annoyance- mainly by telling him in the kindest possible way that it irritates me, sometimes (when I've been in a bad mood) I'd really kick off, but now- even though it still winds me up- I often have to resort to ignoring him completely- which in turn makes him act like i'm being rude for doing so.
I've played all my cards but I'm still not being treated my age especially as ,in addition to resorting to childish humour and pulling faces at me as though I'm five, he is ridiculously overprotective!! One time after a night out I was walking down my street and saw him waiting outside the gate-- this being at 9:00 pm!!!
I feel like after all these years he's still feeling insecure about whether or not I've accepted him into the family- failing to realise that if he'd simply listen to me then I would find it a lot easier to get on with him!
I know it might not sound like the most dire of situations, but I'm going beyond mad, and with the A2 year coming up I must keep a calm composure and must be treated as someone who is about to be launched into the "real world".
Help!!!!
I came to the same conclusion you have. He's probably trying so hard to make you accept him that he ends up being annoying.

I guess the best solution is to try talking to him about it, but don't insult him because that won't get you anywhere. Suggest that you're growing up and you'd like to be treated more like an adult. Perhaps you could ask him to come along on university open days or discuss your future plans with him. That might help him realise you're no longer 10 years old.

Have you tried talking to your Mum about this as well? Perhaps, if you're unsuccessful, she could speak to him for you.
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Smiler24892
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(Original post by Aminaubah)
Maybe he's doing so to get closer to you. After all, you are calling him your "stepdad". How do you address him? If you don't call him 'dad' then that may be a start........
I call him by his name- but he'd understand it would upset me too much if I called him "dad". I think he is trying to get closer to me but by doing so is pushing me further away. His mood changes very quickly- one minute he's acting happy and calling me names and singing childish songs to me- obviously trying to provoke me- and if I react even the slightest bit annoyed he becomes completely inapproachable and takes on an angry "fine then" sort of attitude.
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SoulfulBoy
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
That is wrong. You clearly have problems. If you aren't looking to give me serious advice then don't bother leaving a sick comment like that.
lol Cool off! It was joke. Only an immature person would not get it. See why Daddy treats you as a child? :rolleyes:
Btw, if you have differences with him, make him sit down and tell him EXPLICITLY what you DON'T LIKE about him. By posting in online forums about your personal problems I can see why you are treated like a child.



Do you want a candy?
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Aminaubah
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
I call him by his name- but he'd understand it would upset me too much if I called him "dad". I think he is trying to get closer to me but by doing so is pushing me further away. His mood changes very quickly- one minute he's acting happy and calling me names and singing childish songs to me- obviously trying to provoke me- and if I react even the slightest bit annoyed he becomes completely inapproachable and takes on an angry "fine then" sort of attitude.
Act like you don't care, maybe then he would stop. Just laugh it off or something and then he'll maybe realise that you are close enough and such behaviour is really not necessary?
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Smiler24892
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[QUOTE=SoulfulBoy;32740856]By posting in online forums about your personal problems I can see why you are treated like a child.
No, I've asked a lot of people about what to do- I've sat down and talked to him and I've explained to my mum that I find it annoying- I'm posting it on an online forum because it's anonymous and because other people using the website might be also have had a similar experience.
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Mr. Tizzy XII
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If you want him to treat you like an adult - act like an adult.

Just speak to him about it 'man to man'. Tell him how you feel about the situation and see if you can work something out - you may find him accommodating.
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SoulfulBoy
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[QUOTE=Smiler24892;32741771]
(Original post by SoulfulBoy)
By posting in online forums about your personal problems I can see why you are treated like a child.
No, I've asked a lot of people about what to do- I've sat down and talked to him and I've explained to my mum that I find it annoying- I'm posting it on an online forum because it's anonymous and because other people using the website might be also have had a similar experience.
Fair enough. Give him an ultimátum.
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KingKenny
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(Original post by Aminaubah)
Maybe he's doing so to get closer to you. After all, you are calling him your "stepdad". How do you address him? If you don't call him 'dad' then that may be a start........
FFS - why should he be called dad when he isn't? He's a stepdad. If she has her father in her life, she might find that offensive.
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biggiemosdefpac
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I think i have experience in this area. Stepdad-child conflict is obviously common. My step-dad and I dont always get on either. But there is a wider picture to consider... at the end of the day this man is willing to provide and care for your family and you have to respect for him for that.

It goes without question that a stepdads relation to his step child is different to a biological one. And I completely agree with you on the whole not calling him 'dad.' I think the solution is a joint effort to get along and focusing on the good qualities he possesses...
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Aminaubah
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(Original post by KingKenny)
FFS - why should he be called dad when he isn't? He's a stepdad. If she has her father in her life, she might find that offensive.
There is no need to swear. I call my stepdad "dad" and I don't seem to find a problem with it. It depends in their relationship. It was only a suggestion, I wasn't say "ooh, you must call him that or he'll hate you", I was just checking. I have my father in my life also, but still call my stepdad "dad" out of respect. He's been there for most of my life, so it was only a suggestion..... Everyone's situation is different I guess....
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Smiler24892
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I don't call him dad- it just doesn't suit our relationship. It's a weird situation- see my actual father passed away so it's difficult to understand what the situation would be like if he were still around, I'm guessing far more complicated and perhaps worse. But I know he finds our relationship awkward and I wish he didn't. I try and show that I care about him but whatever I do seems to result in me being annoyed-- if I'm nice to him he takes it as a big thumbs up to acting like a twit around me- hence annoying me, and if I express any annoyance on my behalf he puts himself in a completely intolerable mood where everyone else is getting on his nerves and he's annoyed with everything.
I can only guess that all this is down to some insecurity on his part- but whatever I do the insecurity won't go away and he carries on like this.
Do you think he might be insecure about the situation with my real father?
It does seem every time he's brought up or my granparents (fathers parents) visit he seems affected by something.
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Aminaubah
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(Original post by Smiler24892)
I don't call him dad- it just doesn't suit our relationship. It's a weird situation- see my actual father passed away so it's difficult to understand what the situation would be like if he were still around, I'm guessing far more complicated and perhaps worse. But I know he finds our relationship awkward and I wish he didn't. I try and show that I care about him but whatever I do seems to result in me being annoyed-- if I'm nice to him he takes it as a big thumbs up to acting like a twit around me- hence annoying me, and if I express any annoyance on my behalf he puts himself in a completely intolerable mood where everyone else is getting on his nerves and he's annoyed with everything.
I can only guess that all this is down to some insecurity on his part- but whatever I do the insecurity won't go away and he carries on like this.
Do you think he might be insecure about the situation with my real father?
It does seem every time he's brought up or my granparents (fathers parents) visit he seems affected by something.
I think he's just gonna have to learn to cope, after all, he was aware in the first place. Maybe he is insecure but it looks like a tricky situation.
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SydneyR13
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I have the same problem as you but I'm 14. I have asked them if I could be more respected as a teenager but my soon to be step father has been getting pretty nosey. Lately he has been running and jumping on my bed while I'm watching Netflix, and he will breath on my neck to annoy me or chew in my ear. I have told him it is slightly irritating and he said he would try his best but he's just getting worse. I tried telling my mom but she thinks it's just a stage of being a teenager. He also talks to me like a baby, and when I say ouch or something he mocks me and tries to give me a hug. Help??
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