Confidence Tips? Please Help.

I've found that after I've come to university, I've become an incredibly shy person. I was always pretty quiet at school, but it's worsened now, and there have been times when I've really wanted to talk to people but have just frozen. For a number of different reasons, I really don't want to be like this next term, to some extent it's affected my studies since I'm really quiet in some of my supervisions. (Luckily my partner tended to be really quiet too so my supervisor didnt notice too much...hopefully.) Please, please ould someone provide me with general advice. ALSO, does anyone have any ideas that would help me bring out my personality a bit more? I have a pretty decent personality (i hope lol :redface:

) but being quiet means that with certain people I worry I have come accross as being a dodo. Please help. :frown:

Reply 1

El Scotto

15

Everyone is a dodo, Dont worry about coming across as one :wink:

say what you feel, I'm sure everyone wont think any bad of you for doing so.

I go through life with the 'whats the worst that can happen' attitude myself.

so whenever I worry about doing something I ask myself

"Will I die from it?" - if the answer to that is a definite no, then its fine, so I move down to my next question for clarification....

"Will I goto prison from it?" - if the answer to that is no also, then I dont worry about whatever I'm going to do, because....

What is the worst that can happen? :smile:

Reply 2

minimo

OP

15

It's not the sociable bit I'm concerned about..I don't do that much, but I have a lot of work and will probably go out more next term since ive settled in now and made some good friends - but I can barely talk and I don't think people find what I have to say interesting eg can't really keep a convo going unless it's with one of my closest mates or something.

Reply 3

El Scotto

15

minimo

It's not the sociable bit I'm concerned about..I don't do that much, but I have a lot of work and will probably go out more next term since ive settled in now and made some good friends - but I can barely talk and I don't think people find what I have to say interesting eg can't really keep a convo going unless it's with one of my closest mates or something.

sometimes throughout life you have to fake interest in coversations that you have with other people, then what happens is that more they open up to you, they start to surprise you and you might find out that you do have common interests so then you do actually start listening to what they say and have more to chat about + can get through the boring parts more easier.

Reply 4

Another_Girl

minimo

I've found that after I've come to university, I've become an incredibly shy person. I was always pretty quiet at school, but it's worsened now, and there have been times when I've really wanted to talk to people but have just frozen. For a number of different reasons, I really don't want to be like this next term, to some extent it's affected my studies since I'm really quiet in some of my supervisions. (Luckily my partner tended to be really quiet too so my supervisor didnt notice too much...hopefully.) Please, please ould someone provide me with general advice. ALSO, does anyone have any ideas that would help me bring out my personality a bit more? I have a pretty decent personality (i hope lol :redface:

) but being quiet means that with certain people I worry I have come accross as being a dodo. Please help. :frown:

I know it doesn't help much but I just want to say I have EXACTLY the same problem as you. I've met some really friendly cool people at Uni but I have such trouble opening up and too often end up saying very little. I just can't seem to let my personality shine through with people I don't know very well :frown:

Reply 5

icedsilhouette

Another_Girl

I know it doesn't help much but I just want to say I have EXACTLY the same problem as you. I've met some really friendly cool people at Uni but I have such trouble opening up and too often end up saying very little. I just can't seem to let my personality shine through with people I don't know very well :frown:

I'm kinda the same... I think I tend to take a back seat until I know people quite well... I don't want people thinking I'm a freak!

Reply 6

username21537

2

As a good film once said, Hang out by the bus stop with no underwear on. Lots of men will approach you. I know I would :wink:

Reply 7

I too have this problem

Reply 8

I can never think of anything to say. When I know people really well, it's fine. The trouble is, I find it difficult to keep a conversation going. I never find I have anything interesting to say.

I decided I was going to listen to people having a conversation, and just hear what they talk about and the kind of things they say. It just seems to come naturally to them..they can say something funny, then move the conversation in a different direction, and talk about something else endlessly. I can never do this. It's given me trouble getting to know new people.

I'm never at the forefront of any conversation. I take the back seat, and then interject with pointless comments. The real major problem I have is finding something to say.

Reply 9

Traum

Just repeat this before you speak: "I am the best n i don't care what you think" n really get it into your head... also before you go out listen to some "confidence music" e.g. destiny's child always work for me... :biggrin:

I used to be shy in yr 11 n now i'm probably the loudest person in my year, once you get over the "omg they r gonna think i'm a freak" thing n just say whatever you'll be fine (I got through by doing some public speaking n helping to organising prom n working on a makeup counter etc...)

actually makeup countering really does work, cos you *have* to talk to others n when you can talk freely with stranger, no one is gonna shut you up again, ever...

:biggrin:

oh yea, also get to know small groups of people n then expand...this way you always have some friendly faces around to make youself more comfortable...

n this is shallow-but look your best, if you feel good your confidence will shine through :biggrin:

good luck

Reply 10

I am very much the same, I find that I can talk to people but can't take it further so that they become my friends or if i think people are more interesting than me and don't really want to know me then I just can't talk to people, my mind goes blank. Big groups also scare me because I find have very little opportunity to say anything and I just fade into the background.

This is what people call social anxiety, there are books and websites on this if you wanna look things up, CBT also tends to help people and some anti depressant type medications are given to people who get anxious (only if serious panic attack type things though i think!)

I've had councelling, gone to a self help group, read a book by Gillian Butler about social anxiety and shyness and just tried new things and I am definetly getting better!

Reply 11

Beelzebub

I was super shy in middle school and then for most of high school in big groups, but I'm a lot better now. Not really sure what changed, think I just forced myself to do a lot of things that I wouldn't do naturally (eg. went out to South America on my own and made some great friends), and then just working loads of different jobs, each time having to get on with new people. With stuff like supervisions, it really is a case of the more you do it the easier it gets.

Confidence Tips? Please Help.

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