The Student Room Group

Getting her out of my head...

I'm 17, completely useless with the opposite sex (to the power of 100 - my experience is zero) and a completely (and I mean _COMPLETELY_) socially-inept geek.

There's a girl I have fancied and have been slightly obsessing over for about a year. She knows about this, and we get on well but she really doesn't like me in that way and that's fine... but I can't help how much I like her. I really, really don't want to have to obsess over her, but I can't help it.

I do like her as a friend and as a person and we are quite close (I feel I can talk to her and I think she feels she can talk to me, which doesn't happen very often), but I struggle to relax and act normal around her as I just want more.

What can I do about this to turn her into good friend rather than a girl I'm slightly obsessed with? Should I just go out of my way to try and get a girlfriend and talk to as many girls as possible to try and find someone "better" to spend my attention on?

Thanks :smile:

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Reply 1
Yes. Or stop hanging out with her and it'll go away after a while.
Reply 2
Anonymous
I'm 17, completely useless with the opposite sex (to the power of 100 - my experience is zero) and a completely (and I mean _COMPLETELY_) socially-inept geek.

There's a girl I have fancied and have been slightly obsessing over for about a year. She knows about this, and we get on well but she really doesn't like me in that way and that's fine... but I can't help how much I like her. I really, really don't want to have to obsess over her, but I can't help it.

I do like her as a friend and as a person and we are quite close (I feel I can talk to her and I think she feels she can talk to me, which doesn't happen very often), but I struggle to relax and act normal around her as I just want more.

What can I do about this to turn her into good friend rather than a girl I'm slightly obsessed with? Should I just go out of my way to try and get a girlfriend and talk to as many girls as possible to try and find someone "better" to spend my attention on?

Thanks :smile:



ahhhhh you sound sweet .
I dont think you will find someone 'better' as you clearly like this girl loads- but i think you should try and be freinds with other girls- maybe this will help you become a little less 'obsessed' with this girl - even though i dont think you are obsessed.
Reply 3
It must be so tough for you to try and be friends with her while liking her so much. I guess one option is to try and cut back the amount of time you spend with this girl. Surely seeing and talking to her so much is only making the problem worse and preventing you from moving on. Afterall, who wants to be constantly reminded of something they can't have :frown:

Meeting new girls may help as at least it could possibly give you something/somebody else to concentrate on. However, perharps it would be better to resolve your issues with your friend first before moving on to someone else.

Hope the advice helped :smile:
Reply 4
envious
Meeting new girls
The truth is this is hard for geeks. From what I have seen girls don't like being scared by the guy in their prescence and most guys are able to avoid this problem by being sponteanus and funny. However to those of us with social issues being able to do this is hard and means a lot of girls will avoid you because they see you as "weird".
Reply 5
Thanks for the replies :smile:

As stated, I'm a real geek and it is REALLY hard for me to meet more people - particularly women - that's why I mentioned I'm socially inept. I might avoid her for a while, but it's not really practical for a variety of reasons and I'm not convinced it'll help much.

And I really am totally obsessed... our friendship means much more to me than her and I act totally different when she's around. I think I'm just gotta work to meet as many girls as possible in 2006 and take it as a fresh start.
Reply 6
Anonymous
I'm 17, completely useless with the opposite sex (to the power of 100 - my experience is zero) and a completely (and I mean _COMPLETELY_) socially-inept geek.

There's a girl I have fancied and have been slightly obsessing over for about a year. She knows about this, and we get on well but she really doesn't like me in that way and that's fine... but I can't help how much I like her. I really, really don't want to have to obsess over her, but I can't help it.

I do like her as a friend and as a person and we are quite close (I feel I can talk to her and I think she feels she can talk to me, which doesn't happen very often), but I struggle to relax and act normal around her as I just want more.

What can I do about this to turn her into good friend rather than a girl I'm slightly obsessed with? Should I just go out of my way to try and get a girlfriend and talk to as many girls as possible to try and find someone "better" to spend my attention on?

Thanks :smile:


i do not think forgetting her will be that easy, but it depends this could just be a real bad cruch or true love! i ain't quite sure. but it sounds weird she knows you obssessive over her yet she still talks to you??????? (maybe she does like you then) as if it was another girl she would like totally freak out! :p:
Reply 7
Hi, I can totally understand your situation. When I first got into uni the first girl I met i was crazy over this girl because she was the first one i met in months seeing as i was on holiday before then. However as I started to meet more girls my "affection" for her dropped completely and now I never even think about her and when i see her I don't really know why I liked her so much in the first place. Definately make an effort to meet more girls.
Reply 8
Mortimer
i do not think forgetting her will be that easy, but it depends this could just be a real bad cruch or true love! i ain't quite sure. but it sounds weird she knows you obssessive over her yet she still talks to you??????? (maybe she does like you then) as if it was another girl she would like totally freak out! :p:


I think it's a very bad crush, but it doesn't make it any better. She's a nice person though so wouldn't be nasty about it, and I think she quite likes the attention frankly plus she knows I won't do anything about it so it doesn't get overly weird. I'm also quite good at hiding it at least some of the time.

Anonymous
Hi, I can totally understand your situation. When I first got into uni the first girl I met i was crazy over this girl because she was the first one i met in months seeing as i was on holiday before then. However as I started to meet more girls my "affection" for her dropped completely and now I never even think about her and when i see her I don't really know why I liked her so much in the first place. Definately make an effort to meet more girls.


Then it looks like I'm in the right direction, and just need to be more proactive about meeting and becoming friends with as many girls as possible and it /should/ sort itself out. Thanks :smile:
Reply 9
What can I do about this to turn her into good friend rather than a girl I'm slightly obsessed with? Should I just go out of my way to try and get a girlfriend and talk to as many girls as possible to try and find someone "better" to spend my attention on?


That could almost have been written by me do what i do when i like a girl a bit too much. Look for another girl. At the moment i have develop slightly excessive crushes on about 6 girls in my first few months at Uni. Trust me it helps, some might say you are jumping from the fire into the frying pan, but to those people i say, you are propbably right.
Reply 10
Why don't you just tell her about your feelings seriously? I mean this could be a HUGE stepping forward. You should try though.

Good luck!
Reply 11
FoodBuff
Why don't you just tell her about your feelings seriously? I mean this could be a HUGE stepping forward. You should try though.

Good luck!


I have done - it's been acknowledged and (to a degree) discussed. That's how I know I know she doesn't like me in that way. :smile:
Reply 12
Anonymous
I'm 17, completely useless with the opposite sex (to the power of 100 - my experience is zero) and a completely (and I mean _COMPLETELY_) socially-inept geek.

There's a girl I have fancied and have been slightly obsessing over for about a year. She knows about this, and we get on well but she really doesn't like me in that way and that's fine... but I can't help how much I like her. I really, really don't want to have to obsess over her, but I can't help it.

I do like her as a friend and as a person and we are quite close (I feel I can talk to her and I think she feels she can talk to me, which doesn't happen very often), but I struggle to relax and act normal around her as I just want more.

What can I do about this to turn her into good friend rather than a girl I'm slightly obsessed with? Should I just go out of my way to try and get a girlfriend and talk to as many girls as possible to try and find someone "better" to spend my attention on?

Thanks :smile:


Does she know that you are, as you put it, obsessed with her though? Indeed, you sound really sweet, but 'obsessed' is a really strong word. Also, does she know that you find it difficult to act normal around her? How often do you hang out with her?

To echo others, and from personal experience, try to cut down on spending time with her. I'm not saying cut her off completely, just *try* treating her as you treat your other friends. And yeah, get out there :wink: meet new people - that tends to work :biggrin:
Reply 13
jkwong_11
Does she know that you are, as you put it, obsessed with her though? Indeed, you sound really sweet, but 'obsessed' is a really strong word. Also, does she know that you find it difficult to act normal around her? How often do you hang out with her?


I'd say she knows. Maybe I'm just abusing the English language and it makes me sound like a creepy stalker when I'm really not. I don't go out of my way to spend as much time with her as physically possible so she's thinking "OH GOD I WISH THAT CREEPY GUY WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE". Indeed, if she didn't want to talk to me I think she could easily avoid me.

Several people have commented that I act extremely differently when she's around (more outgoing, more over-the-top, funnier, flirty, more confident trying to be entertaining and hold her attention rather than just relaxing and acting normal), and I'm fairly certain she knows I act different too. I don't feel I act particularly creepy, just different. Don't worry, I am not sitting there drooling from across the room.

For various reasons (which I'd rather not go into), it's not very practical to see people I know from school out of school frequently so it's mainly in-school and chatting on MSN. I usually spend at least an hour a day talking to her, but it varies (sometimes I barely see her at all, sometimes 4+ hours at a time).

To echo others, and from personal experience, try to cut down on spending time with her. I'm not saying cut her off completely, just *try* treating her as you treat your other friends. And yeah, get out there :wink: meet new people - that tends to work :biggrin:


Sounds like a plan! I think I'm going to have to be more outgoing and meet more people, even if I'm not very good at it. The fact I can't spend time with people from school makes things very hard though.

Thanks for the advice all - gonna stop replying to this now. :smile:
have a wank, chill and move on
Reply 15
what do you mean by obssessive? it is a very strong word, i mean are you following her all the time? etc etc :confused:
Man... I am in almost the same situation as you, liking him but cannot have him because he doesn't fancy him.. man... i just wish he can stop appearing in my life so that I can move on and not glue my eyes to him! Man!


While meeting more friends help, what happens if after meeting more friends, one realises that he is still the best? I thought that was the best solution for me too thus I tried to make many more good platonic friends. In the end, through the increased contact with the opposite gender, his strengths are more apparent to me than before... ain't that bad? it made the situation worse.. man.....
Reply 17
Mortimer
what do you mean by obssessive? it is a very strong word, i mean are you following her all the time? etc etc :confused:


If you've read previous posts, you would know what he meant. I asked something along the lines of that already. In any case, you can find the answers to your questions here http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showpost.php?p=3871343&postcount=14
Are you certain she doesn't like you like that? How do you know for sure? Has she actually come out and said she doesn't? Because she might like you, but think you don't like her and therefore try to not look she's obsessing over you as well...if you see what I mean....
^^ Please reply!