I will be completing a piece of WJEC GCSE coursework next week based on creative writing (Year 10), and below I have pasted my first "section", as it were, of my writing (I am going to try and remember it because it has to be completed in school with only basic notes). What I would like help with is:
1. How much longer should I make the story?
2. At which point/s in the second paragraph can I make more reference to the appearance of the girl, without neglecting description of the forest? (perhaps about her clothing?)
Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks very much.
If a single snowflake were to fall with natural alacrity upon venerably clandestine ground, perhaps the very definitions of sensitivity and compassion would dissolve inadvertently into the machinations of an avaricious organisation; such being superfluous in predilection for agglomerative despondency. For, when unperceivable yet conspicuous events of nature fall into obsequiousness to aid the conspiratorial progression of arcane civilisations, it becomes subject to incessant manipulation. Nature loses all sensitivity and compassion, because such attributes inhibit despondency.
An adolescent girl ran with extraordinary ease and sleight through a quaint, mysterious forest. Mesmerising, beatific strands of shimmering scarlet hair fluttered exuberantly about her head, as salient, susurrus flurries of wind pirouetted in their habitat, cajoling the girl to remain confidant as regards the venerably clandestine ground that lay deferential beneath her lithe feet. The girl’s icy blue eyes scintillated in the glistening semidiurnal sunshine, her face aglow yet pale and delicate. She slowed her pace- stopped, in fact, and observed with circumspectness as a single snowflake (with natural alacrity, it must be stated) spiralled to the ground.
Is this right?