Letting love control your happiness

Since I was about 14, or 15 (I am now 18), I can remember every single day wishing that I had someone, a partner, to love me. It's all I ever wanted, and even though it wouldn't completely depress me, it was something that really made me lonely. I found what I was looking for when me and my ex got together, and I was indescribably happy for six months. Now we've broken up, I feel very, very alone, and unhappy.

They say that before you're in a relationship you need to learn how to be ok when you're just you, rather than relying on anyone else. I just don't know how to do this, love or lack thereof has always played a role in my happiness. I want to be able to live my life to to the full when I'm on my own, but I don't know how.

Reply 1

AidanKD

How are you with your friends? Haven't had a gf for myself and I did want a gf for a while and still do but I don't let it get me down anymore. The company of your friends should help just spending time DOING things and occupying yourself should help put your mind at ease and it'll make you a better person in the long run!

Hope you gain some proud independance over time :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by AidanKD

Thank you! Me and my friends are great, and it would easier I think if I were still at school. But now the majority are going off to Uni and I'm stuck in my hometown because I decided to take a gap year. :/ But I almost find that I don't want to rely on them to "distract" me about something. I want to be ok on my own and not constantly rely on anyone else to make me happy.. :frown:

Reply 3

Coeusful

Yeah, you pretty much have to learn how to live alone. I don't know how exactly you go about that, but I've managed it somehow. Just accept that life is all about chance: you may not end up with someone for the rest of your life, or you may have a slew of companions in rapid succession, the last of whom you'll live eternally happy with.

Either way, you reach your goal: deadness.

Reply 4

Cicerao

If you don't learn to like yourself when you're alone then how you can expect anyone else to like you? It's not a case of not "being loved", there are many people who love you. Yeah, a couple love is great but so are all the other types of love. If you can't be alone then you will likely end up scaring most people away with being clingy and needy, especially while you're so young.

I recommend working to make yourself be the best you can. Why not get a new haircut, new clothes, take up a hobby, work out or achieve something cool this summer? You'll end up feeling a whole lot happier. Do it for YOU.

Honestly, I think you've only had a relationship of 6 months, you've only seen the honeymoon phase. Long-lasting relationships take a lot of work. Enjoy not having all those burdens at this time. Yes, it will definitely be worth it eventually when you find that special one...so why waste 6 months a time with a load of bums just so you're not "alone" when in a few years you will meet someone awesome? Just calm down and know that the chances are about 95% that you're not going to turn out a crazy cat lady. Okay?

Reply 5

Coeusful

Original post by Cicerao

Out of +reps, but Cicerao's right. I'm part of the 5% anyway, so your odds are improved, OP. ;p

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Cicerao

Thank you for this, it's really helpful. Going to have a think about something that I can achieve/do with my time for me. Don't think sitting on TSR and wallowing in my solitude really helps me feel better. Seriously though, thank you.