I ALWAYS lose arguments with my boyfriend and it is making me miserable.

It sounds immature. But what i really mean, is that i'm quite an empathetic person, and can usually see where my boyfriend is coming from, even if i have just as much reason to be furious with him.

I usually start the arguments when they occur, because from time to time he does things like turns up ridiculously late, ignores me to talk to people he thinks are important, and sometimes gives a lot of (albeit friendly with good intentions, i think) attention to very beautiful girls, and that makes me feel a bit insecure. He also leaves massive amounts of time without sending me even one text, and expects me just to know what's going on if we're seeing eachother.

I start the argument feeling so angry, and as if he needs to apologise right away for the horrible thing he's done, and then he manage to tell me how it is my fault these things have occurred, or that i am overreacting to them.

And it is wearing me out, big time. Don't say break up with him - i want to make it work, and we love each other very much.

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Reply 1

DLJ

starting winning them then...

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Also, i end up feeling guilty and like the worst girlfriend ever, and very confused as to whether i'm just awful and overreact to everything, or if he's manipulating me or being stubborn. I feel i'm always saying "i understand, you're right" while he' listing what i do wrong.

Don't you wish you had a camera to film your life, so you could watch it all back and really know if you were in the right?

Reply 3

Junaid16

He seem to manipulating you in some shape or form, because how can it ever be your fault, that he turns up ridiculously late?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by DLJ

starting winning them then...

How do you suggest i do that?

Reply 5

davidcy147

Two steps to WIN:

1. Learn logic.

2. Use logic in arguments.

WIN

Reply 6

SillyRodent

He sounds quite douchey.

Reply 7

Drunk Punx

Original post by Anonymous

How do you suggest i do that?

Use a logic-based argument instead of an angry emotion-fuelled one. Seems to be a key difference between men and women tbh, at least in my experiences.

Don't just run up to him and berate him; take your time to calmly plan out your argument, allowing for any retorts he may have so you can counter them.

Takes practice, but practice makes perfect.

use more skill

lol u mad? he's got you whipped, power to him

Reply 10

dungeonkeepr

Talk to him about it. Calmly. If he starts to do it, point it out to him. Ask him why it is so important to never be in the wrong.

Generally, as with many threads here, just talking calmly about the issue is the key :smile:

(although if you try to remember why you are angry it could help you win)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Junaid16

He seem to manipulating you in some shape or form, because how can it ever be your fault, that he turns up ridiculously late?

Well, in situations when it really can't be blamed on me, he just acts outraged and furious that i'd complain about it, and come up with all these excuses and reasons that are out of his control, and how it's awful of me to ruin the night by complaining about his lateness. But really, it's his time management, and the fact he underestimates how long it'll take him to do stuff.

The annoying thing is, when he's calmed down, the next day he ALWAYS apologises very genuinely and takes some or all responsibility - but it's starting to grind on me that he can't do that in the actual situation - i manage to if i think i'm in the wrong...

Reply 12

Preeka

Stand your ground when you are absolutely sure he is wrong and don't give in. When things are not black and white, talk it out. Say your whole side, make sure you haven't left anything out, ask him if he understands why you are upset. Then let him say his side and explain his perspective. But things like him turning up really late = his fault. You shouldn't be feeling sorry for bringing it up if it's a common occurrence. Just know when he is wrong and when something is more down to interpretation and adjust your behaviour accordingly rather than trying to keep a set routine or just wanting to win a fight.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 13

Unknown?

I mistoke reading arguments for garments, as in garments of clothing...

Reply 14

trapzbrah

Original post by a_t

lol u mad? he's got you whipped, power to him

yea she mad...

Reply 15

DLJ

Original post by Anonymous

How do you suggest i do that?

Obviously depends on the argument... If you're wrong in the first place there's no point being belligerent about it; accept it. Although, someone mentioned being logical, if he's wrong in the first place tell him why and what it would mean :dontknow:

Reply 16

Mess.

Leave him alone if he doesn't feel like texting back.
He can talk to girls regardless of their beauty.
He can talk to others before you if he wants.
Starting arguments without good grounds usually leads to failure.

Stop doing the above and only start arguing when there seems like a genuine reason to.

I had a system with my ex "if it's not worth finishing over it's not worth arguing about". It worked out perfectly and after nearly a year of crappy arguing the next 2 years were argument free.

You sound quite immature, needy and angry. You need to deal with this before you lose every argument ever. I bet you end really emotional and whiny during arguments as well?
Once you shout you lose :yep:

Oh the being late thing. You have every right to be annoyed. Although have you ever given him an ultimatum about it? You should do, but if you do follow through with it otherwise he wins. FOREVER!

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by dungeonkeepr

(although if you try to remember why you are angry it could help you win)

That's a good idea. It's so annoying because i sometimes feel heartbroken by things he does, and then when i try and explain it all to him, i end up crying and apologising for bringing it up when he's so busy etc...

He thinks he's getting tired of being nagged at, but i'm getting very tired of being mistreated and then convinced i'm wrong and overreacting and like, pushing my luck. He always goes "do you know what, i'm sick of this, this isn't what i want, if this is a relationship with you, it's not what i want".

We've been together 3 and a half years, too.

Reply 18

Magsam

Stop being such a girl.

No, really. If you want to "win" an argument, put your emotions aside and think more logically/rationally, like men do.

I would ask why you feel the need to "win" an argument in a relationship. Either you have a point and he accepts it or you don't. If you think you have a point and he just never listens to you then he doesn't care/you aren't compatible and you find someone else.