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Guy at Uni....
Ok, I normally hate threads like this one, but i'm going to post it anyway...as I'd really like some opinions on my situation- and just generally wondered what other people thought. I also apologise in advance for the length of the text, but those of you that remember me from the good old days will no doubt remember my ridiculously long posts!!
Basically, there is a guy at uni that I like. I really liked him at the beginning of term but never acted on it, didn't see him for a while and was really busy- so just kind of forgot about it.. Until just before the end of term- we'd been texting and stuff, and he came to a thing at uni that i'd organised. Then instead of going to the after party thing, he walked me back to my car (bout 1/2 hr away) and then made sure i got back ok. Thing is, the reason why I hadn't seen him for a while, was because i normally see him at a society thing, but he was avoiding another girl that goes- apparently they'd got "close" and then kind of fell out/awkward or something, though the other week he went round and apparently they got on really well- and he said they were kind of going out but without sorting all the problems out.
Anyway, he texted me a few weeks ago saying that he'd have to pester me for a drink before i went back home for xmas (even though we both live fairly locally to uni), anyway he came round one evening at 9pm, and didn't end up leaving until 6am- nothing happened, we were just talking the whole time. Then the next monday he dropped a book round to my house that i was going to borrow and ended up staying for a couple of hours. Then saw him on the wednesday night cos we went out for drinks with some other people that we both know.
Then saw my home friends on thursday night- told them about him and they constructed a text for me saying something along the lines of
"Hey, my friend has cancelled on me tomorrow night, fancy entertaining me instead? ;-)"....which i sent to him...anyway, he replied saying he'd like to do something etc, and we ended up going out for a meal and some drinks, and I didn't get back home until about 2.30....again nothing happened. He doesn't talk about the other girl at all though.
Anyway, saw him again on wednesday night this week- we went out for a meal and drinks again, and it was really nice, but nothing happened- and got back again about 2.00 ish.
Then was talking to him on msn and happened to ask what he was doing for new years...he said nothing and he'd probably just stay in and watch tv...so i said he was welcome to come to the party i was going to. Anyway, he did end up coming to the party i was at last night...and stayed until about 5am then dropped me home. But nothing happened- i really wanted to kiss him in the car- at least on the cheek, but couldnt pluck up the courage. All the time in the back of my head is- does he like me more than a friend? and can't help thinking maybe he doesn't and he likes this other girl, though he never talks about her or anything. She's gone home for xmas at the moment so she's not around. Part of me wants to ask him whats going on between them, and i want to tell him that i really like him, but don't want to loose his friendship. And then I think, well he's spending loads of time with me, and making the effort to drive and see me and stuff like that so maybe he does like me....
So just wondered what anyones thoughts were on the situation- any comments or advice would be much appreciated.
Ruthie xx
Basically, there is a guy at uni that I like. I really liked him at the beginning of term but never acted on it, didn't see him for a while and was really busy- so just kind of forgot about it.. Until just before the end of term- we'd been texting and stuff, and he came to a thing at uni that i'd organised. Then instead of going to the after party thing, he walked me back to my car (bout 1/2 hr away) and then made sure i got back ok. Thing is, the reason why I hadn't seen him for a while, was because i normally see him at a society thing, but he was avoiding another girl that goes- apparently they'd got "close" and then kind of fell out/awkward or something, though the other week he went round and apparently they got on really well- and he said they were kind of going out but without sorting all the problems out.
Anyway, he texted me a few weeks ago saying that he'd have to pester me for a drink before i went back home for xmas (even though we both live fairly locally to uni), anyway he came round one evening at 9pm, and didn't end up leaving until 6am- nothing happened, we were just talking the whole time. Then the next monday he dropped a book round to my house that i was going to borrow and ended up staying for a couple of hours. Then saw him on the wednesday night cos we went out for drinks with some other people that we both know.
Then saw my home friends on thursday night- told them about him and they constructed a text for me saying something along the lines of
"Hey, my friend has cancelled on me tomorrow night, fancy entertaining me instead? ;-)"....which i sent to him...anyway, he replied saying he'd like to do something etc, and we ended up going out for a meal and some drinks, and I didn't get back home until about 2.30....again nothing happened. He doesn't talk about the other girl at all though.
Anyway, saw him again on wednesday night this week- we went out for a meal and drinks again, and it was really nice, but nothing happened- and got back again about 2.00 ish.
Then was talking to him on msn and happened to ask what he was doing for new years...he said nothing and he'd probably just stay in and watch tv...so i said he was welcome to come to the party i was going to. Anyway, he did end up coming to the party i was at last night...and stayed until about 5am then dropped me home. But nothing happened- i really wanted to kiss him in the car- at least on the cheek, but couldnt pluck up the courage. All the time in the back of my head is- does he like me more than a friend? and can't help thinking maybe he doesn't and he likes this other girl, though he never talks about her or anything. She's gone home for xmas at the moment so she's not around. Part of me wants to ask him whats going on between them, and i want to tell him that i really like him, but don't want to loose his friendship. And then I think, well he's spending loads of time with me, and making the effort to drive and see me and stuff like that so maybe he does like me....
So just wondered what anyones thoughts were on the situation- any comments or advice would be much appreciated.
Ruthie xx
well to be honest, i dont think a guy would go to all that trouble unless he likes you.
why hasnt he made a move on you yet is what im thinking.
it does sound like he realy likes you but maybe hes unsure what he wants as theres this other girl involved as well.
next time you go out with him, casually ask him about her.
he told u about her didnt he without u asking him right? im sure you can bring it into conversation ... oh what happened to that girl u were sort of seeing? and somehow turn it into a joke if you dont want him to realise you're interested.
then take it from there.
you dont wanna make am ove if hes still with her cos then hed have the best of both worlds.
hope that helps
why hasnt he made a move on you yet is what im thinking.
it does sound like he realy likes you but maybe hes unsure what he wants as theres this other girl involved as well.
next time you go out with him, casually ask him about her.
he told u about her didnt he without u asking him right? im sure you can bring it into conversation ... oh what happened to that girl u were sort of seeing? and somehow turn it into a joke if you dont want him to realise you're interested.
then take it from there.
you dont wanna make am ove if hes still with her cos then hed have the best of both worlds.
hope that helps
Yeah, I agree with Kriztinae. Try to be as casual as possible though, not too rehearsed.
I was in a very similar situation to this recently at uni with a girl I'd known at school. We ended up going out at night 7 or 8 times, spending loads of time together etc. but I wasn't sure how she felt as we'd always been friends. She eventually started avoiding me and I found out that she was going out with another guy.
I mentioned what had been going on to a mutual friend and she replied back in an e-mail telling me how much this girl had fancied me but gave up because she didn't think I liked her as anything more than a friend (which, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth). I felt like crap for well over a month because of her.
Tell him how you feel. Now.
I mentioned what had been going on to a mutual friend and she replied back in an e-mail telling me how much this girl had fancied me but gave up because she didn't think I liked her as anything more than a friend (which, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth). I felt like crap for well over a month because of her.
Tell him how you feel. Now.
kriztinae
well to be honest, i dont think a guy would go to all that trouble unless he likes you.
why hasnt he made a move on you yet is what im thinking.
it does sound like he realy likes you but maybe hes unsure what he wants as theres this other girl involved as well.
next time you go out with him, casually ask him about her.
he told u about her didnt he without u asking him right? im sure you can bring it into conversation ... oh what happened to that girl u were sort of seeing? and somehow turn it into a joke if you dont want him to realise you're interested.
then take it from there.
you dont wanna make am ove if hes still with her cos then hed have the best of both worlds.
hope that helps
why hasnt he made a move on you yet is what im thinking.
it does sound like he realy likes you but maybe hes unsure what he wants as theres this other girl involved as well.
next time you go out with him, casually ask him about her.
he told u about her didnt he without u asking him right? im sure you can bring it into conversation ... oh what happened to that girl u were sort of seeing? and somehow turn it into a joke if you dont want him to realise you're interested.
then take it from there.
you dont wanna make am ove if hes still with her cos then hed have the best of both worlds.
hope that helps
Thankyou!
Yeah he told me about her without me asking, but its weird cos i know her...so makes it a bit more awkward to ask him about her!
He is really shy and stuff, so I'm not sure that he would make a move unless he was sure i was interested..but it could be he's unsure like you suggested.
I was thinking of somehow telling him- by text or email or something, but guess that's a pretty crap way of telling him and i should pluck up the courage to do it properly....damn it- i hate the awkwardness of situations like that, and how do i even tell him?!
Ruthie xx
--------------
Vitriol01
I was in a very similar situation to this recently at uni with a girl I'd known at school. We ended up going out at night 7 or 8 times, spending loads of time together etc. but I wasn't sure how she felt as we'd always been friends. She eventually started avoiding me and I found out that she was going out with another guy.
I mentioned what had been going on to a mutual friend and she replied back in an e-mail telling me how much this girl had fancied me but gave up because she didn't think I liked her as anything more than a friend (which, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth). I felt like crap for well over a month because of her.
Tell him how you feel. Now.
I mentioned what had been going on to a mutual friend and she replied back in an e-mail telling me how much this girl had fancied me but gave up because she didn't think I liked her as anything more than a friend (which, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth). I felt like crap for well over a month because of her.
Tell him how you feel. Now.
I know, I'm scared that I've already left it too late?
I don't want the other girl to come back to uni and them get it together etc, and me not have told him :-(
Do u think I should causally text him and tell him today or something? (Ok, already replied to text he sent me earlier, but could text him again)....
Or i could arrange to go out with him again this week....oh god what am i doing...
Help!
Ruthie xx
ruthiepoothie
Thankyou!
Yeah he told me about her without me asking, but its weird cos i know her...so makes it a bit more awkward to ask him about her!
Yeah he told me about her without me asking, but its weird cos i know her...so makes it a bit more awkward to ask him about her!
just ask him somehow in conversation, you know when its best to bring it in!
He is really shy and stuff, so I'm not sure that he would make a move unless he was sure i was interested..but it could be he's unsure like you suggested.
well then its up to you to make the first move!
I was thinking of somehow telling him- by text or email or something, but guess that's a pretty crap way of telling him and i should pluck up the courage to do it properly....damn it- i hate the awkwardness of situations like that, and how do i even tell him?!
Ruthie xx
Ruthie xx
definitely dont text him and tell him like that....
if you find out him and that girl are over then make a move, pluck up the courage
if hes still with her ask him whats happening with her and find out more and then somehow hint that if it doesnt work out between the two of them that ud like a shot.
I still suggest you tell him. You would not belive how much I was kicking myself for not having at least tried when I was spending time with her. I wouldn't suggest that you text either. You don't even know what's going on with the other girl.
I'll tell you what I did - I called her the day after I found out that she was really interested. It was horribly awkward and I didn't get to tell her how I really felt. So I sent her a letter (a little over a page and a 1/2) explaining exactly why I hadn't made a move etc. and also asking her if she was still interested. I left it to her and essentially said 'if you want to pursue this - call me'.
I gave up after a week and figured that that call would not be forthcoming. But then when I least expected it I got a phone call from her: "Haven't spoken to you in a while. Hope you're okay. Would you like to get together next week to do some work? Then maybe go for coffee afterwards?"
I had a massive smile on my face for the rest of the night. Definitely tell him. At least you get to know one way or the other. I don't think you need to send a letter or text him. Just make it very obvious next time you're out. Arrange dinner with him for later in the week.
GOOD LUCK!
I'll tell you what I did - I called her the day after I found out that she was really interested. It was horribly awkward and I didn't get to tell her how I really felt. So I sent her a letter (a little over a page and a 1/2) explaining exactly why I hadn't made a move etc. and also asking her if she was still interested. I left it to her and essentially said 'if you want to pursue this - call me'.
I gave up after a week and figured that that call would not be forthcoming. But then when I least expected it I got a phone call from her: "Haven't spoken to you in a while. Hope you're okay. Would you like to get together next week to do some work? Then maybe go for coffee afterwards?"
I had a massive smile on my face for the rest of the night. Definitely tell him. At least you get to know one way or the other. I don't think you need to send a letter or text him. Just make it very obvious next time you're out. Arrange dinner with him for later in the week.
GOOD LUCK!
HTale
The guy is shy. However many social (platonic) events the pair of you take part in, he will never ask. He needs minimal risk. Maybe you should've kissed him in the car...
I'm just scared that he does like me only as a friend, and don't want to ruin things by making a move or telling him, for that to ruin the friendship.
But at the same time don't want to not tell him if he does like me the same way.
Ruthie xx
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