The Student Room Group
Reply 1
divorce is messy no mater what but you just have to make sure that you know that it's not your fault and in some cases the parents get on better after they have divorced
um i think if you have real concerns look up free legal advice in the yellow pages, and you can talk to a divorce lawyer, because usually legislation for divorce changes all the time.

Im not sure how you are feeling now, because my parents are together, but from speaking to friends whose parents did divorce i think you should realise that you did not cause your parents divorce. its also normal to not be sure whose side to be on, and that you have a tendency to rescue the more fragile parent, sumtimes its good just to leave your parents to fight it own, because in alot of the cases teenagers like us think we kno everything but we really dont.

i always thought that parents relationships were so much more stable and well developed than teenagers relationships, but really they are not. so dont feel guilty if you decide to move on with your own life, i.e. try to still go to school and do as many things as you normally would. i kno that you will have to sacrifice alot of time on helping your parents out, but remember that at the end of the whole process, which varies from family to family, you will have to go back to study and other things, so you cannot cut these things out completely.

im not meaning to sound selfish, or a 'know it all' here, but im just saying what i learnt from being with my friends while their parents got divorced. umm also it was hard for them not to get angry at their parents, and sometimes there is a total communication breakdown between the family members, so if u dun want to but in one time, but really want to say sumthing, maybe write a letter to whoever you want to say something to, and tell them what your thinking (keep a copy of this letter too, just in case something 'happens' to it after they receive it). oh n try not to take any thing too personally during the whole period, this is probably the hardest thing to do, but you have to remember that your parents love you and want whats best for you, they always have your best interests in mind, its been that way since you were born, so dont think otherwise. they love you, but they might be extra rude to you, without realising it, because they are seperating for the person they spent most of thier lives with.
You can probobly expect a lot of hostility between your parents. If they can stay civil to each other then things will be so much the better for you. My parents went through a particularly bitter divorce and the hostility and the hatred was the most terrible thing.

It is also quite somethign to get used to, having only the one parents about all the time. How often will you be seeing your father? I think it's important to stay close to both parents where possible. I feel I have suffered in not having the male parental figure in my life for so long.