what did he mean?

Ok so for new years eve, me my boyf and my friends all went out to a club. We all had such a good time, got completely wasted, spent the night kissing and cuddling... So at the end of the night we're deciding on cabs etc and trying to haggle with a cab driver, anyway i say theres no point me paying like 15 for a cab wen i live 10 minutes on the bus away, so then my boyf starts to get in a bad mood and go quiet..i had a thought it might be because i wasnt staying at his (but he lives like an extra hour away).
(Oh i havent stayed at his yet and haven t slept with him either)

So me my boyf and my friend start to walk to the bus stop (they too decided their not paying £15 when night buses are free!) so he continues to be moody and doesnt sit next to be at the bus stop and instead chooses the floor. So anyway i get a text from him around half an hour after i get home saying i just got the ******in bus at euston, im not being funny and i hope i dont sound like too much of a c*nt for saying this but do u find me attractive? I text him bk saying err yeah, why? which he didnt respond to. So he txt me the next day asking hows the hangover, i replied and then asked what was up with that text lst night? he said nothign forget it, and carried on talking about something else. So i text bk and said r u sure there's nothing u want to talk about? he ignored that question and started going on about something else.

So am i right in assuming that question was code for 'why don't u want to sleep with me? We've been together for 2 and a half months and he's 23, so i guess at his age its a long time to wait, anyway im still a virgin. We havent talked about sex yet, i quite liked that he never brought it up and was waiting for me to. I was planning to bring it up and sleep with him very soon..i just didnt want to whilst drunk!

Anyone's opinions would be grateful!! xx

Reply 1

Mrs_F

When I first read the text message, the first thing that crossed my mind was that the text message was for someone else. That's just the way I read it, and hadn't considered the sleeping with code until I continued to read.

So if you are right and that's what it is whatever you do, do not let him rush you into sleeping with him. He may be 23 but if he is worth anything then he will be willing to wait until you are ready. If he doesn't like the fact that he has to wait, then whatever you do, please don't give him your virginity as he is not worth it.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Reply 2

lil_sweetie

How old are you? if you don't mind me asking.

Reply 3

Thats the thing its not that i feel pressured... i want to, i've waited long enough!! (im 21 btw). It just took me by suprise, if anything i thought he would come out and say it!

TBH i dont no how to react, since i dont feel pressured, i dont feel vulnerable or have any kind of feelings of worry, panic etc, tbh i kind of thought a) don't be such a drama queen b) don;t worry it'll happen and c) have i accidentally made him feel insecure

He might see it as im avoiding him and avioding sleeping with him by not going bk to his.

He must know that txt could be taken offencively, hence the 'i dont think i sound like too much of a c*nt'.

ow would u feel if u'd got the text?

thanks for the op's xx
How would u react if u

Reply 4

aimsi

i kinda agree with lynseyweth to be honest......is it not presumed that you find him attractive as you are going out with him....

maybe you should bring it up again and ask what it was all about.

if he was feeling insecure wouldnt he say something like, are you sure you wanna be with me etc?

Reply 5

Mrs_F

It's just strange that he would text that, bringing it up and then you ask him about it and he ignores it. This would have been his perfect opportunity to get it off his chest and tell you how he was feeling. Why ignore the subject after he brought it up? Hence why I would think that the text wasn't for me.

Reply 6

I thought that too, my 1st instinct was to txt him bk saying obviously considering i spent a large amount of time with my tongue down ur throat tonight!! duh!!lol

But then maybe its cos hes asked me to stay a few times, which i've said no cos i havent had my contact lens solution and pots with me. Or because ive spent the night with my tongue down his throat and not wanted to sleep with him (i guess him assuming im not a virgin)?

Or i thought it could be because im not very 'clingy' as such, im quite independent and am happy to see him just 2 or 3 times a week-due to the fact that i have so much uni work todo i cant afford to fall behind, tho if i do want to see more i will!! whereas i no he'd be happy to see me everyday and spend every waking minute with me!

Oh and to lynseyweth thanks for ur concern but i would never let him pressure me, if i ever felt that he was giving me serious pressire i'd tell him to f off!!

xx

Reply 7

Jayjayjay

He does not wish to talk about it so perhaps he has recognised it to be a mistake to send such a text that probably did imply something.
Maybe he wanted to go onto yours after the club.
Your replying to his text reassured him that you were still interested and still found him attractive ... he was a having a moment of insecurity?

Reply 8

Mrs_F

Anonymous

Oh and to lynseyweth thanks for ur concern but i would never let him pressure me, if i ever felt that he was giving me serious pressire i'd tell him to f off!!

xx

Oops, sorry about that. I suppose at 21 you know better than to let some bloke pressure you into sex! :redface:

Reply 9

ciara

I think you're right, especially as he tried to justify asking with the 'sorry if I sound like a ...' thing. I think he probably wanted you to invite him back to yours.

Hmm, I think definitely wait further before you sleep with him, after all you've waited this long! He seems a bit insensitive. Plus it sounds like communication between the two of you isn't tip top and I think that's really important. Sorry if I'm wrong it's just the impression I get from what you say!

Reply 10

Drogue

Can I ask a question - while you haven't had sex, have you been intimate with each other? I know after two and a half months I'd feel weird if I hadn't been intimate with a girlfriend, as I'd wonder why she didn't want to. Not having sex wouldn't be a problem, that's a personal decision, especially if you're a virgin (does he know that?), but not being able to be intimate with someone would make me wonder if they found me attractive at all.

I'd guess it's a large part insecurity and a small part a code of asking if you wanted to sleep with him.

Reply 11

Thats what i thought, and i thought he was just pissed
and its something that just came out.

Just read the replies again... it didnt occur to me that it could be someone else that was it meant for, in which case he's into someone else? I'll defintiely have to talk to him face to face and see whats up.

This has nothign to do with this story but my best friend told me yesterday that whilst we were all dancing she came up to me and tried to get my attention or talk or dance with me etc (i have no recollection of this) and he told her 'your jealous, look at u your jealous!!' and she was like 'of you?' 'why would i be jealous of u?' i think she does get hurt wen we're out and i spend time dancing.talking to him as she was like that with my ex, but again was that him being drunk and thinkin he was being funny and not serious? when she told me i thought that was out of order but she didnt want me to talk to him

Sorry that i keep going on but might as well get everything off my chest!lol

No we havent been intimate...

And ciara i think ur right.. its a communication problem, we have probably talked about everything under the sun apart from sex!

Reply 12

Jayjayjay

The way the text was phrased, is that how he would usually speak to you?

Reply 13

I think he's probably a bit pissed off that you didn't invite him to stay at yours tbh. He had to do an hours bus journey, on his own, in the middle of the night, on New Years Eve, and he was drunk. He probably has a right to be a bit angry... I'm not saying you have to sleep with him but surely you wouldn't want a mate to make the same journey? And he should be a friend as well as a boyfriend. So, yeah, that's how I'd interpret it. But the only way to be sure is to talk to him face to face. Let us know how it goes :p: