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Depressed, friendless, everything hurts
Pretty much what the title says. I started a new school for sixth form in September. I'm painfully shy so obviously it was difficult, and I was close to just leaving straight away in the first couple of weeks, but everyone said it'd get easier. But it hasn't. I've been there 3 months and haven't made any friends. There's a small handful of girls who I sometimes say hello to but that's it.
Nobody talks to me. I go through most days only having spoken to the girl who I was at my old school with and this other girl who became mates with her so hangs with us.
I know part of it's my fault - my mum says because I walk around with a face as miserable as sin nobody will want to talk to me, lol! But I can't walk around grinning like a lunatic can I? And because I'm so shy and nervous and embarrassed all the time I walk around with my head down, stand in the corner and sit at the back when I can. I know this makes me look anti-social and probably puts people off saying hello, but I'm honestly that shy I can't help it.
In one lesson there's only 6 of us - you would think after a term in such a small class you might have become slightly friendly with the others? But no. None of them speak to me.
And I just can't believe nobody's been nice enough to try and help me fit in. At most schools you tend to find at least one lovely person who cares when someone's totally left out and they'll try and include them. But nobody has. I'm not fishing for sympathy from them or anything but I've just been really surprised by how unhelpful everyone is.
Plus I'm really unhappy with my subjects because I couldn't take what I wanted to, and I'm finding them difficult and know I'm gonna fail. So I just don't even feel like trying.
I just can't get myself to chat to people. And because I've been there for a fairly long amount of time I know it's not likely to improve.
My life feels even more pointless because I don't feel there's any job I wanna do - my dad's kinda pushing me into a profession but I don't wanna do it, I have no ambition really, I can't think of anything I wanna be. I know I only have 9 months before applying to university and I just don't want to. Life is moving too fast. I wanna be little again!
I don't get to speak to my old mates much and they're all loving their new schools and colleges and have made mates, it's like I'm the only unhappy person.
Every day - even in the holidays, when I thought I'd forget about school for a while - I cry. I've been so depressed this holiday, which I'm not normally in the holidays. Term time's even worse. When I come home from school, it's straight up to my room - most days I'm crying before I even get upstairs. I just hate my life. I know I'm not clinically depressed or anything but I do just feel so depressed - I can't see anything good or feel there's anything to look forward to, and the situation at school feels so bad I don't think I can cope with it much more.
Gosh, I'm sorry this has been such a depressing dirge. I know it's pathetic and boring (and thankyou so much if you've managed to read all this!) but I really need to get it off my chest and I can't really talk to anyone about it. It would be a huge help if anybody who's had problems like this could give me some advice, or if anyone could advise me really. Thanks.
Nobody talks to me. I go through most days only having spoken to the girl who I was at my old school with and this other girl who became mates with her so hangs with us.
I know part of it's my fault - my mum says because I walk around with a face as miserable as sin nobody will want to talk to me, lol! But I can't walk around grinning like a lunatic can I? And because I'm so shy and nervous and embarrassed all the time I walk around with my head down, stand in the corner and sit at the back when I can. I know this makes me look anti-social and probably puts people off saying hello, but I'm honestly that shy I can't help it.
In one lesson there's only 6 of us - you would think after a term in such a small class you might have become slightly friendly with the others? But no. None of them speak to me.
And I just can't believe nobody's been nice enough to try and help me fit in. At most schools you tend to find at least one lovely person who cares when someone's totally left out and they'll try and include them. But nobody has. I'm not fishing for sympathy from them or anything but I've just been really surprised by how unhelpful everyone is.
Plus I'm really unhappy with my subjects because I couldn't take what I wanted to, and I'm finding them difficult and know I'm gonna fail. So I just don't even feel like trying.
I just can't get myself to chat to people. And because I've been there for a fairly long amount of time I know it's not likely to improve.
My life feels even more pointless because I don't feel there's any job I wanna do - my dad's kinda pushing me into a profession but I don't wanna do it, I have no ambition really, I can't think of anything I wanna be. I know I only have 9 months before applying to university and I just don't want to. Life is moving too fast. I wanna be little again!
I don't get to speak to my old mates much and they're all loving their new schools and colleges and have made mates, it's like I'm the only unhappy person.
Every day - even in the holidays, when I thought I'd forget about school for a while - I cry. I've been so depressed this holiday, which I'm not normally in the holidays. Term time's even worse. When I come home from school, it's straight up to my room - most days I'm crying before I even get upstairs. I just hate my life. I know I'm not clinically depressed or anything but I do just feel so depressed - I can't see anything good or feel there's anything to look forward to, and the situation at school feels so bad I don't think I can cope with it much more.
Gosh, I'm sorry this has been such a depressing dirge. I know it's pathetic and boring (and thankyou so much if you've managed to read all this!) but I really need to get it off my chest and I can't really talk to anyone about it. It would be a huge help if anybody who's had problems like this could give me some advice, or if anyone could advise me really. Thanks.
Reply 2
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Thats really sad.
I used to be quite shy and then i just decided that the best thing was just to enjoy yourself becaus eif your having a good time then everyone else around you will usually be happier.
So i just took a risk, said Hi to a person even if i didnt knwo them, stuck-up my hand in class and just was myself.
N it really worked because now im really happy that im not hiding away and that im myself around people- n ive got lots more friends.
Thats really sad.
I used to be quite shy and then i just decided that the best thing was just to enjoy yourself becaus eif your having a good time then everyone else around you will usually be happier.
So i just took a risk, said Hi to a person even if i didnt knwo them, stuck-up my hand in class and just was myself.
N it really worked because now im really happy that im not hiding away and that im myself around people- n ive got lots more friends.
Reply 3
Try MSN - this is a good way to get talking to people without actually having to talk to them, if you know what I mean. Find someone who has similar interests to you, and talk to them about them the next day.
Don't let your parents dictate what future career you should go into - it's your life, not theirs. Hope you feel better soon *hug* xx
Don't let your parents dictate what future career you should go into - it's your life, not theirs. Hope you feel better soon *hug* xx
U might actually be clinically depressed. The only way to start being happy again is to sort this problem out. But ppl are more likely to befriends you if you seem happy- vicious circle. I know this sounds scary but id advise seeing a school counciler, sometimes just saying things outloud to someone who is emotionally detached really really helps. I went through the same problem...apart from that im very outgoing. Depression,loss of friends, withdrawing myself, crying before and after school. PM me if ya want
x
x
Reply 5
Firstly and most importantly...lots of big hugs for you 
Don't worry about it, everyone finds it difficult when they're in a new environment. Some more than others. But it you act miserable and sit at the back and don't make eye contact with everyone etc. people will just assume that it's because you don't want to talk to anyone. Start things slowly - you say there's only 6 of you in a class. Start just by saying hi to people as you go in the room at the beginning of a lesson and smile at them. That way they know you're making an effort at being friendly. Then move onto some brief conversation, like just asking how they're essay's going or whatever. Try and set yourself targets that you can stick to, like one week promise yourself that everyday when you go in you'll say hi to at least one person.
As for uni, it's not compulsory. If you don't want to go, then don't. Plenty of people don't go and are hugeeely successful so not going doesn't make you a failure! Have a gap year and think about it. There's no rush, if you do want to go you don't have to go as soon as you finish your A-Levels anyway.
Also, maybe you could join a club outside of college. Think of a random sport you might like to take up. I know it'll be really daunting but it's best just to throw yourself right in at the deepend (trust me, I've been there and it's the best decision i made!). It doesn't have to be something really competitive, just a social netball club or maybe an orchestra? Anything! Maybe you could get your old schoolmate to go with you. it'll give you a chance to take the focus of academic work and pupils and give you other people to hang out with. The alternative would be to get a part-time job, maybe in a coffee shop or something with some people your own age. Then the focus isn't solely on socialising but you do still get to meet other people. And the money would be nice
You really do just have to make targets and throw yourself in at the deep end. Just to it and try not to think about it too much, then you won't get worked up about it. Sorry i haven't been too much help, just be brave and you'll get through it. Much love xx
Don't worry about it, everyone finds it difficult when they're in a new environment. Some more than others. But it you act miserable and sit at the back and don't make eye contact with everyone etc. people will just assume that it's because you don't want to talk to anyone. Start things slowly - you say there's only 6 of you in a class. Start just by saying hi to people as you go in the room at the beginning of a lesson and smile at them. That way they know you're making an effort at being friendly. Then move onto some brief conversation, like just asking how they're essay's going or whatever. Try and set yourself targets that you can stick to, like one week promise yourself that everyday when you go in you'll say hi to at least one person.
As for uni, it's not compulsory. If you don't want to go, then don't. Plenty of people don't go and are hugeeely successful so not going doesn't make you a failure! Have a gap year and think about it. There's no rush, if you do want to go you don't have to go as soon as you finish your A-Levels anyway.
Also, maybe you could join a club outside of college. Think of a random sport you might like to take up. I know it'll be really daunting but it's best just to throw yourself right in at the deepend (trust me, I've been there and it's the best decision i made!). It doesn't have to be something really competitive, just a social netball club or maybe an orchestra? Anything! Maybe you could get your old schoolmate to go with you. it'll give you a chance to take the focus of academic work and pupils and give you other people to hang out with. The alternative would be to get a part-time job, maybe in a coffee shop or something with some people your own age. Then the focus isn't solely on socialising but you do still get to meet other people. And the money would be nice
You really do just have to make targets and throw yourself in at the deep end. Just to it and try not to think about it too much, then you won't get worked up about it. Sorry i haven't been too much help, just be brave and you'll get through it. Much love xx
Reply 6
wow, you are in the exact situation as me. only i have less friends than you (you know... those 2 girl you mentioned that you hang around with.) there's one exeption though, i don't give the slightest *****
So, what is it that you want? friends? or to look like you have friends so you make it higher up in the social hierarchy?
Here's some advice:
- don't think friends are everything, and without them you will die and your life is meaningless.
- don't care as much what people think
- you mentioned that there isn't one person that cares that someone is left out... well, that's a good thing, because it's worse being in a crowd that feel obliged to have you than being by yourself. that's a fact!
- it's hard to make friends for some people, accept that it's who you are and when you do make a friend he/she will seem more special
- work on your confidence first, try to be proud of who you are
- if you are the loner type, then try to talk to another person in the school that's also a loner
- Find something you can enjoy doing on your own
So, what is it that you want? friends? or to look like you have friends so you make it higher up in the social hierarchy?
Here's some advice:
- don't think friends are everything, and without them you will die and your life is meaningless.
- don't care as much what people think
- you mentioned that there isn't one person that cares that someone is left out... well, that's a good thing, because it's worse being in a crowd that feel obliged to have you than being by yourself. that's a fact!
- it's hard to make friends for some people, accept that it's who you are and when you do make a friend he/she will seem more special
- work on your confidence first, try to be proud of who you are
- if you are the loner type, then try to talk to another person in the school that's also a loner
- Find something you can enjoy doing on your own
Reply 7
Thanks guys...on the MSN thing though, how can I chat to people? A friend who used to go to this school has quite a few people's emails from my year but it would be really odd if I just added people I'd never spoken to! They might be a tad freaked out! I do try chatting to a lad on MSN in my form I used to know when I was younger but he mostly ignores me - we were cool before I started at his school, but now he blanks me at school and on MSN 
.
I mostly sit on my own in lessons though...I have tried occasionally, for example if someone from a class of mine is in the library at the same time I'll pluck up the courage to ask what last week's essay title or something was (often I have actually lost the question so 2 birds with 1 stone!) but they always tend to look at me with a bit of a snobbish glance and then just pass me the paper they wrote the question on, maybe with a mumble of explanation. So then I just feel dejected - for me, it's quite a big step to even ask somebody for the homework question, so when I get a reply like that, I just feel, why bother?
I know I shouldn't let my parents force me into doing something but they keep telling me it's for my best interests. They say I can do whatever I want and they don't want to make me do anything I don't want to, but that it's the best profession to go into and I'll regret it if I don't heed their advice. So basically it's, 'You can do whatever you like, so long as it's this!'
Thanks again guys x
. I mostly sit on my own in lessons though...I have tried occasionally, for example if someone from a class of mine is in the library at the same time I'll pluck up the courage to ask what last week's essay title or something was (often I have actually lost the question so 2 birds with 1 stone!) but they always tend to look at me with a bit of a snobbish glance and then just pass me the paper they wrote the question on, maybe with a mumble of explanation. So then I just feel dejected - for me, it's quite a big step to even ask somebody for the homework question, so when I get a reply like that, I just feel, why bother?
I know I shouldn't let my parents force me into doing something but they keep telling me it's for my best interests. They say I can do whatever I want and they don't want to make me do anything I don't want to, but that it's the best profession to go into and I'll regret it if I don't heed their advice. So basically it's, 'You can do whatever you like, so long as it's this!'
Thanks again guys x
Reply 8
Im kinda been in/ are the same sort of problem as you, although no were near as worse. i started a new sixth form in september with my old school friend and still have not made any people id call 'proper' friends, although i am talking to more and more people. i am painfully shy to and barely speak in lessons to anyone, i feel so scared about what people will think of me. I also give off quite a hostile impression and people think im a bit cold. My boyfriend, who i meet at this school, said im a v closed person. REcently to help, i duno if it would help you, but i just tried to give open body language, smile a bit and say hi and smile to just about anyone in the year, try to join in with convos ven if it is just listening and nodding along. People didnt realy make me feel welcome either but if anyone invites u out or something, definatly go for it. also i found going 2 the 6th form party realy helped, everyone was merry+ drunk so didnt care what everyone else was doing, and i made alot more friends.
also try to meet up with your old friends, i did the ova week and it made me feel a whole lot better.
also try to meet up with your old friends, i did the ova week and it made me feel a whole lot better.
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