advice, please

I need some help, I'm so confused. My boyfriend and I are at separate unis, and he really hates it at his. It's not the right place for him, and he finds it hard to make friends, which for him is unusual. He gets very lonely, though I visit as often as possible. At the moment he's considering a transfer, which would bring him a lot closer, geographically, to me, literally 10 mins away.

Recently, out of the blue, he seemed to have doubts about our relationship on the basis of geographical separation. I am completely willing to make it work, as is he, but he's so confused and depressed at the moment that it's making him worry about everything. He thinks too much about things. We talked all night, and he admitted he thinks our relationship couldn't be better, and he couldn't be with someone more compatible, but he seems to think he'd be happier at uni sleeping around or with a girlfriend there. He also says he wants 'experience' with other girls and cant imagine being with one girl all his life, though he makes it apparent that he couldnt have a better relationship than this one, and has also said he'd like it to be long-term. I think he just needs proper friends, as I'm completely happy at my uni without a boyfriend there to be conveniently close at hand, my friends are enough and I make the most of my time there. If he had proper friends there, I really dont think he'd be feeling this way. Before he left he said that he didn't want to split up after all, but I'm worried he feels I'm forcing him to stay with me. He really is having a bad time, and admits to not thinking straight.

There's so much more to say, but that's the gist of it, I dont want to bore you all. Some advice/analysis would be great :smile:

Reply 1

Mrs_F

It seems to me he isn't ready to settle down yet. If he is clearly saying to you he wants to experience other girls, then there is your answer.

Reply 2

ApeXaviour

*kiki*

I think he just needs proper friends, as I'm completely happy at my uni without a boyfriend there to be conveniently close at hand, my friends are enough and I make the most of my time there. If he had proper friends there, I really dont think he'd be feeling this way. Before he left he said that he didn't want to split up after all, but I'm worried he feels I'm forcing him to stay with me. He really is having a bad time, and admits to not thinking straight.

He's confused and being ambiguous. I'd say certainly a factor you haven't considered in all of this is a lack of regular sex due to your geographic distance. Please take no offense to this but bear in mind I know how blokes think. This kind of thing can and does affect your rational thought process. Hence why he feels maybe he's missing out at his uni, ie he could be having more sex. I wouldn't be so quick to say he has to sow his wild oats, but merely sowing oats more often with you (see that, I'm obviously a master of metaphors :rolleyes:

). So maybe even if he made friends there it probably wouldn't entirely solve the problem (I'm not say it wouldn't help!).

You said you're completely happy without your bf "close at hand", ie you can also handle the longer periods without sex. As a man I can tell you this is most likely a factor on his mind, not that he'll admit it, even to himself. I don't like admitting it to myself, it gives me the impression that I'm a slave to my urges. Not a nice feeling for a rational thinking individual who likes to be in control of himself. It's only natural though...

If you could somehow "help" with the situation (phonesex etc? I dunno...). You might find he'll relax a little and become less confuzzled and anxious about his present situation.