Over protective parents

Deck him! Or is he bigger than you?

Reply 2

OP

haha

i'd love to, but ye he is bigger.

Reply 3

ApeXaviour

7

ssmoose

Deck him! Or is he bigger than you?

That would not only be stupid and unconstructive (ie harden the stepfathers resolve), it would have legal consequences too.

OP: Unfortunately there's nothing you can do really other than be her ally provide moral support. This is her battle. You seem to be sidestepping how she feels about all this which IMHO is the most important thing. Does she just accept it? Or is she as mad as you?

If she is fed up with it then you can help her work a strategy to get out of it. Only if she has her heart in it though, if she's just going along with it to please you then there's really little point. She needs to talk with him and tell him and make it clear that she's an adult now and is therefore responsible for her own decisions. If she wants you to be there at this talk then that's ok too. I advise you to keep your cool however and maintain your presence only to give her strength and support.

Reply 4

leona

12

Tell her to ignore him and go out anyway. Its her life. Whats the worst he can do.

Reply 5

That would not only be stupid and unconstructive (ie harden the stepfathers resolve), it would have legal consequences too.

Yeah I know, I was just joking. What does she think of his rules and stuff? Perhaps you should go and discuss it with her and her mum if they both think its unreasonable.

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Whats the worst he can do

Throw her out? The mother seems to have little power despite her being the biological parent.

Reply 6

OP

Ye, that is what i have been and generally what i plan to do.

It is annoying her massivly. But she dosnt seem to think there is much she can do. She has lived with it for so long now it has become the norm.

I have suggested outside help but it is a difficult step for her to take.

And no, i wasnt seriously thinking about decking him :biggrin:

Reply 7

Peter88

Talk to him and tell him how much you care for her and that you wouldnt do anything to harm her. Try to make him see what he is doing is not helping her, and just making her feel bad.

Reply 8

Mangaroo

12

or, more likely to work, prove to him that you are 'worthy' of his daughter

=P, be a man for God's sake.

Reply 9

Tim Street

You say he's her stepfather... how on earth should he have ANY power or influence over her whatsoever?? He's not related to her, her mum should make the decisions, I know if some random **** started going out with my mum I wouldnt listen to a thing the guy told me!!!

Reply 10

OP

Yeah I know, I was just joking. What does she think of his rules and stuff? Perhaps you should go and discuss it with her and her mum if they both think its unreasonable.

Talking to her mum about this is a good idea; I have meet her once briefly before she seemed very nice.

Reply 11

Have you met the step dad? Perhaps he's unsure of you because you've never met and he thinks you have something to hide? Perhaps you should get your girlfriend to invite you over to meet him (and get to know her mum better) and perhaps once he's met you'll he'll trust you more?

Reply 12

OP

Have you met the step dad? Perhaps he's unsure of you because you've never met and he thinks you have something to hide? Perhaps you should get your girlfriend to invite you over to meet him (and get to know her mum better) and perhaps once he's met you'll he'll trust you more?

I think that could work but she says that he can be very stubborn. She says once he has got into his head that im a distraction from her work not much is going to change it.

I disagree with this because he cannot continue acting like this forever; she isn’t a kid any more. She told me today that when he was younger his father was an alcoholic and he didn’t have any guidance. So he never went to university. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen to her.

I can see where he's coming from, but I think he is doing more damage that good. There are much more constructive ways he can give his daughter guidance.

Reply 13