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American v. British Dating
Okay, so I think I got my answers about texting the "x" to someone at the end of your text msg....but my question now is whether someone can just tell me of any differences they know between dating in the US and dating in the UK?
I recently starting dating a brit and so far it's been kinda different from what I'm used to. The night we met he asked me if I wanted to go xmas shopping with him the very next day--which really is pretty fast compared to when any american guy has asked me out, they would never ask for the next day. Then the next day he asked me to come to a party one of his friends was having in Cambridge...I live in London and would have to travel up there, but he said he would put me in a BnB if I wanted to stay overnight. I mean, this is all within 24 hours of meeting him! And before anyone says "oh, he was trying to get something", I went and he was nothing but a perfect gentleman, he didn't push for anything (although we kissed, of course), I felt completely comfortable. He introduced me to all his friends while I was up there too...I am just really baffled by all this, american guys do not move that fast in bringing you into your social circle.
Now he's asked me to go see a musical with him, here in London--it's one I talked about and he knows I like it. This would be our third date--so is all this common? Don't know if you guys are familiar with the american ways of dating, but a guy in america would certainly not be spending the $$ to take you to an expensive musical on your third date--at most a movie maybe! A musical is also kind of a romantic thing to do for that early. We've talked on the phone quite a bit, and spoke on new year's and xmas. I absolutely adore him because he is so polite, so kind, and actually listens to what I say--and remembers! If this is how people date in the UK I think I'm staying after school ends...
I recently starting dating a brit and so far it's been kinda different from what I'm used to. The night we met he asked me if I wanted to go xmas shopping with him the very next day--which really is pretty fast compared to when any american guy has asked me out, they would never ask for the next day. Then the next day he asked me to come to a party one of his friends was having in Cambridge...I live in London and would have to travel up there, but he said he would put me in a BnB if I wanted to stay overnight. I mean, this is all within 24 hours of meeting him! And before anyone says "oh, he was trying to get something", I went and he was nothing but a perfect gentleman, he didn't push for anything (although we kissed, of course), I felt completely comfortable. He introduced me to all his friends while I was up there too...I am just really baffled by all this, american guys do not move that fast in bringing you into your social circle.
Now he's asked me to go see a musical with him, here in London--it's one I talked about and he knows I like it. This would be our third date--so is all this common? Don't know if you guys are familiar with the american ways of dating, but a guy in america would certainly not be spending the $$ to take you to an expensive musical on your third date--at most a movie maybe! A musical is also kind of a romantic thing to do for that early. We've talked on the phone quite a bit, and spoke on new year's and xmas. I absolutely adore him because he is so polite, so kind, and actually listens to what I say--and remembers! If this is how people date in the UK I think I'm staying after school ends...
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Reply 1
Yes this can be how fast it moves here especially if you know you really like someone. He obviously really likes you! Not all guys are that romantic but things do usually happen quite fast. We usually only date people here if we think that its going to turn into a relationship. It usually turns into a relationship pretty soon too.
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
Reply 2
sounds normal to me....this guy abviously has quite a bit of cash though.
picknmixmuncher
Yes this can be how fast it moves here especially if you know you really like someone. He obviously really likes you! Not all guys are that romantic but things do usually happen quite fast. We usually only date people here if we think that its going to turn into a relationship. It usually turns into a relationship pretty soon too.
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
Well, depends....if he is a nice guy, he will not let you pay. American guys definitely pay for all the drinks when he takes a girl out, and dinner, stuff like that. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time I went out on a date and paid for something (in america). Maybe once you are in a real relationship (which could take a few months by US standards!) you'll pay for stuff. So actually, that was another thing I wasn't sure about....him paying for everything. I've offered to pay a few things here and there though, popcorn at a movie we went to (this was that cambridge trip) and I got him a sandwhich the next day when we were on our way to the train station, so he could drop me off, little things.
I've tried to let him do all the contacting, because definitely in america if a girl calls or texts you, the guy thinks she is desperate...and I am talking even just one time....even though girls still do it, generally it's considered "safer" if you don't. But I've heard it's not necessarily that way here, that the girls will occassionally call the guys and even sometimes ask them out?
picknmixmuncher
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
Oh - also do American guys *always* pay for everything? Some guys do it here too but I think it's really old fashioned so I always pay my half or if the guy treats me I try treating the guy to keep it equal. Perhaps offer to pay for your ticket to the musical?
^ Glad to see the women of the 60's burning their bras didnt go wasted.
Long live feminism.
Reply 5
Girls definately call and text guys. I was the one who asked my last boyfriend out but I can be pretty forward and I like to be in control. Not all girls are like that but most girls take the inititive to suggest to meet up or at least call or text the guy first. The american way of dating sounds a bit old fashioned. Also like it takes a long time! I hate when guys pay for everything - it's not fair at all and it stems from when woman didn't work and men did so they HAD to pay for everything. It isn't like that anymore and I don't understand how woman go on about wanting to be equals and then expect the men to pay. I usually go out with students and although I'm also a student I have a ridiculously well paid part time job so I probably earn a lot more than any guys I'd be dating so I always keep it 50/50 (well I do enjoy treating them too sometimes). So maybe don't expect him to pay for everything. At least offer to pay your way and then if he insists then just let him.
Well me and my girl went out for a date a week after meeting (in a club). Then nearly every other day after that. She couldnt resist me
About the paying: In the beginning I paid for most things (cinema, chinese etc). Shortly thereafter I became poor. Now though, we pay halfs to dinner, shopping etc. Sometimes I buy her things though, like drinks and stuff :P
£5.20 for a vodka and diet coke!
About the paying: In the beginning I paid for most things (cinema, chinese etc). Shortly thereafter I became poor. Now though, we pay halfs to dinner, shopping etc. Sometimes I buy her things though, like drinks and stuff :P
£5.20 for a vodka and diet coke!
Reply 7
There are no cultural conventions - just personal preferences.
Person to person, things vary so much and communicating what you like, where you go and how you look ahead is all part of the fun
Person to person, things vary so much and communicating what you like, where you go and how you look ahead is all part of the fun
Reply 8
Sounds like a decent bloke; British gents are ALWAYS better than their ersatz American counterparts!! (And I'm not just saying that because I'm a British bloke... or am I?)
Reply 9
Irish gents are better.
haha yeah I've been wondering about this too. I know this British guy and he had just started going out with this girl and now they're going on vacation together! A lot too... hmm... there's probably more going on there than I want to know.
Sounds like things are much different in Britain than in the US. If I go to uni in Britain I hope I'll be able to go out with people and it won't be awkward or anything.
Sounds like things are much different in Britain than in the US. If I go to uni in Britain I hope I'll be able to go out with people and it won't be awkward or anything.
Reply 11
To us in the UK, as soon as a guy asks a girl out on a date it's considered a "relationship" by many people, even if it doesn't last that long.
But of course, they might spend quite a while getting to know each other in other ways before he asks her out.
But of course, they might spend quite a while getting to know each other in other ways before he asks her out.
Reply 12
argh i really hate 'relationship definitions'
Reply 13
Stop complaining! He's paying for you to do nice things so make the most of it! He may be moving fast but it sounds like he knows what he's doing and you seem to like him a lot - so what he's doing is perfectly fine. What's the point of taking things slow if you really like someone and she's giving all the right signals - I bet that's his thinking.
Reply 14
That seems pretty fast in my opinion! The last guy I was 'dating'; we met on the Friday night in a club, and met up on Sunday, but purely by coinsidence because we were at the same pub! After that we met up maybe once a week and only went to each others houses.
If it feels right for you, and hes a gentleman (Doesn't want a piece), i'd go for it
If it feels right for you, and hes a gentleman (Doesn't want a piece), i'd go for it
he is quite romantic....I guess it's very strange because it is so different from the way guys would work in the US. They try to keep a certain distance from you as long as possible until they are sure they want you to be their girlfriend. I know a guy who dated my friend but wouldn't call her his girlfriend until a YEAR after they were dating!! That may be kind of an extreme example, but it is somewhat the american mentality.
I was mostly surprised that he invited me up to cambridge that soon, and to that party with his friends...when I got there it was a very low key tight friend gathering, guys with their girlfriends there, and not really some big party where everyone got really drunk or anything. I feel though that I am kind of holding back because I don't know what to think. It is so nice, that I feel as if maybe it's fake!
I was mostly surprised that he invited me up to cambridge that soon, and to that party with his friends...when I got there it was a very low key tight friend gathering, guys with their girlfriends there, and not really some big party where everyone got really drunk or anything. I feel though that I am kind of holding back because I don't know what to think. It is so nice, that I feel as if maybe it's fake!
Reply 17
Girls can definitely call and text guys - I do it all the time! In fact, I would almost say that if you don't contact him, you run the risk of him not asking you out again (as he would think he was being rejected) in the early stages of a relationship.
Also, people mostly definte being in a relationship as from the first date onwards in the UK.
Also, people mostly definte being in a relationship as from the first date onwards in the UK.
Sounds to me like it's moving quite quick, but I guess that's a lot more to do with the individual than the country; I bet you can find an American guy (even if not very common) that would be similar, and I don't think this guy (he sounds nice) is in the majority of guys here.
I always pay for things on dates and what not, but would stick to the smaller, more casual dates for a longer period of time than he did. I guess there's no convention; it varies from person to person and relationship to relationship (I mean interaction between people, not like actual 'relationship'.)
Enjoy him, sounds like you're getting along well, but don't be disappointed when you find out not everyone here is like that!
--------------
I didn't hear a complaint, just a query!
I always pay for things on dates and what not, but would stick to the smaller, more casual dates for a longer period of time than he did. I guess there's no convention; it varies from person to person and relationship to relationship (I mean interaction between people, not like actual 'relationship'.)
Enjoy him, sounds like you're getting along well, but don't be disappointed when you find out not everyone here is like that!
--------------
Jack0
Stop complaining!
I didn't hear a complaint, just a query!
Reply 19
yea i'm from the US and i'd have to agree with the OP that it's just a very strange experience for American girls if that happens. The part about girls not contacting guys they like is especially true in the US (at least what i've seen) it = desperation and guys tend to assume they are obsessed with them (i've heard this from more than one of my guy friends here) (maybe US guys are more proud? ) all of this is in general of course b/c their are very nice guys in both contries who treat girlfriends well. but sounds like a great time for you!
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