How to get over my little problem...

Right ok. So i have a boyfriend, who I am completely and utterly in love with and that he loves me. He's at uni, which sucks. :frown:

The problem i have is that ever since he's been there i've been growing jealous :redface:

I really really don't know what to do about it. I've never had this problem before and I hate it. I know he has female friends etc and that's great, i just can't help hating them. I just get really suspicious and make stuff up in my head, that he's having an affair blah blah blah. The stupid thing is that i really do trust him and i know he'd never do anything and he doesn't really give me any reason to believe he is doing anything (athough he is flirty but then again so am i) I just feel so insecure about it and It makes me moan and argue with him and ask him stupid questions that cause arguments and and i don't know how to stop. I've started asking about who he gets texts from (ther is this one girl who blatantly fancies him) I don't trust other people and what if there's someone so amazing that he falls in love with them. The thing is i know this stupidity will just push him away. Please please help me to stop. He is my world and i don't want to lose him.

Thanks
xx

Reply 1

Ilovepuremaths

It's normal to feel like that. If you weren't slightly worried and jealous it would be odd. All this means is that you really care. Because you say you really do trust him it means you probably don't have much to worry about at all. My only real advice is don't nag at him too much, talk to him if you are seriously worried but if not then try your absolute hardest not to say anything - as you say, it causes arguments and it may lead to him wondering why you are so distrusting.

Reply 2

clairey87

1

I'm in the same situation only my boyfriend is at the same uni as me so my fears and jealousy are so irrational! Remember, the mind plays tricks on you. Think of everything he does for you and that he wouldn't be with you if he wanted someone else! x x x x

Reply 3

Well...some guys cheat and some don't. I wouldn't bother hating the girls, that never helps. One of my (female) friends has been sleeping with a guy we're friends with too. He has a gf, and they seem besotted with eachother. No one saw it coming at all. He's still with the gf though, and she's none the wiser. Not wanting to worry you, but **** happens, and if it comes to it, you'll just have to deal with it.

Reply 4

sr4470

15

A little jealousy\worry is human. When it goes past a certain point, then theres a problem.

Reply 5

lil_lisa86

jealousy ruined my relationship, dont let it ruin yours. i went from a long distance relationship to loving in the same town, and my ex couldnt cope with the attention i was getting off other guys, which caused him 2 not trust anyone around me, then eventually me. the jealousy pushed me away, talk to your bf, explain how you feel, i only wish my ex had talked to me so we could have sorted things out.

Reply 6

Thanks guys, do you have any tips of actual ways to get over it please? I'm really stuck, i want to get rid of it before it gets out of hand :frown:

xxxx

Reply 7

sr4470

15

Anonymous

Thanks guys, do you have any tips of actual ways to get over it please? I'm really stuck, i want to get rid of it before it gets out of hand :frown:

xxxx

Other than discussing it with him...I cant think of anything else right now as I dont know the ins and outs of your relationship :p:

Reply 8

ApeXaviour

7

Anonymous

I've started asking about who he gets texts from

Don't do this. Or anything even remotely like it. It gives the impression you don't trust him and may very easily make him feel claustrophobic.

Anonymous

(ther is this one girl who blatantly fancies him)

This being the case you're entitled feel some pangs of jealousy. If you have an open line of communication with your bf you should sit down and tell him how you feel. Don't be accusing whatsoever, or have any expectation for him not to see her or do anything. Just say that you think this girl quite obviously likes him and that it makes you feel a little jealous or insecure (then playfully pout or something :wink:

). Say in a more confession way, as if to explain your behaviour, even if it hasn't been that obvious.

To what end you might ask? Well it will show maturity and character on your part. A sense of reasonableness while admitting to your emotions.. If you do it right he'll likely do more to allay your worries. He'll be more sensitive to you and this should help you with your problem. While you can't expect for him to stop being her friend, there is a certain amount he can do. Jealousy is a two way street.

Reply 9

lil_lisa86

Anonymous

Thanks guys, do you have any tips of actual ways to get over it please? I'm really stuck, i want to get rid of it before it gets out of hand :frown:

xxxx

the only way to get over it is to talk 2 him about it. just explain how you feel and he will probably want to help you get over it like i wanted 2 help my ex. he didnt want 2 talk 2 me though, and thats when the problems really began

Reply 10

Ilovepuremaths

Next time you're out in a group of guys, think about how you're feeling about each of them. Are they good looking? Do you fancy them in any way? Most probably whilst you try this all you be thinking of is your boyfriend in the back of your mind. Then think it's probably exactly the same for him when he's in a group of girls.

Reply 11

Anonymous

Well...some guys cheat and some don't. I wouldn't bother hating the girls, that never helps. One of my (female) friends has been sleeping with a guy we're friends with too. He has a gf, and they seem besotted with eachother. No one saw it coming at all. He's still with the gf though, and she's none the wiser. Not wanting to worry you, but **** happens, and if it comes to it, you'll just have to deal with it.

Is that supposed to help?! :frown:

Reply 12

ApeXaviour

7

Anonymous

Is that supposed to help?! :frown:

I suggest you ignore the unhelpful posts.

Reply 13

sr4470

15

Anonymous

Is that supposed to help?! :frown:

Have you spoken to him yet?

Reply 14

Shifty

Anonymous

Right ok. So i have a boyfriend, who I am completely and utterly in love with and that he loves me. He's at uni, which sucks. :frown:

The problem i have is that ever since he's been there i've been growing jealous :redface:

I really really don't know what to do about it. I've never had this problem before and I hate it. I know he has female friends etc and that's great, i just can't help hating them. I just get really suspicious and make stuff up in my head, that he's having an affair blah blah blah. The stupid thing is that i really do trust him and i know he'd never do anything and he doesn't really give me any reason to believe he is doing anything (athough he is flirty but then again so am i) I just feel so insecure about it and It makes me moan and argue with him and ask him stupid questions that cause arguments and and i don't know how to stop. I've started asking about who he gets texts from (ther is this one girl who blatantly fancies him) I don't trust other people and what if there's someone so amazing that he falls in love with them. The thing is i know this stupidity will just push him away. Please please help me to stop. He is my world and i don't want to lose him.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. When every I get a girl friend, she's going to have to put up with or be comfortable with the fact that i have some REALLY close friendships with other girls! Thats just a fact of life!
If one of these girls fancies him, he is under no obligation to fancy them back! One of my quite good female mates just admitted she has a huge crush on me, but much as thats nice to know, its not made me like her as anything other than friends! Even if i did have a girl friend at the moment, that wouldn't change anything between us.
I'd just cut your boyfriend a bit more slack, if he's like me, he just finds friendships with girls very valuable and supportive, and probably knows enough about girls not to be too easily misled by one if they tried!

Reply 15

silence

16

as a guy in that situation (i.e. my, well, ex, girlfriend is back at home, i'm at uni and see certain girls occasionally i guess), i can say that you should try not to worry about it too much. even if a girl does fancy him, i don't think it would necessarily turn into anything. trust is the key issue.

Reply 16

Sweet Adeline

It's difficult. I get irrationally jealous of my boyfriend's female friends too, and I really don't think it's something that a person can help feeling. The most important thing to do though is to not let this jealousy create problems for you and your boyfriend. I know that sounds difficult but you know, rationally, that there's nothing wrong with the girls you don't like, and you trust your boyfriend. The last thing you want to do is make him think you don't trust him by interrogating him or force him to choose between you and a particular friend by being mean about her in front of him.

There's nothing wrong with being jealous as such, it means you care about your boyfriend, but you need to recognise and try to control it. It wouldn't do any harm to criticise a female friend of his when talking to one of your confidants (you might need to accept there are some people you're never going to like), but if you make accusations to him it might make you seem paranoid or controlling. That said I'd recommend talking to him about it and explaining that you get jealous and why, he'll respect you for being honest, then you just need to try and keep things in perspective.

Reply 17

FoodBuff

Here is a fable for the OP and whoever may be concerned:

A daughter asked her mother how she could take hold of love and happiness for all time as she was in love with the right man. The mother said nothing. Slowly she bent down, cupped her hands and scooped up some sand from the ground. The golden sand gathered perfectly in her hands, no single grain was lost. Suddenly the mother clenched her hands in an attempt to hold tight of all the sand. But the sand slipped through her fingers and at last nothing was left. She took hold of nothing.

Love and happiness are just like those sand. You have them in your hands. The only question is how you take hold of them.

Or perhaps this fable makes no sense.

Reply 18

I love that fable and it's perfectly true!! :biggrin:

I have spoken to him about it, i admitted it long before i posted this post, he was lovely about it and just hugged me and told me it would be ok (i was really upset) and it was fine, but nothing has changed, i know there's nothing much he can do - i mean he doesn't talk about girls lots anyway. He never has really - when he didn't in the past i told him i wanted to know about the girls he meets etc - i'm actually a masochist i swear. The trouble is, i can't keep being jealous and then being like "oh yeah sorry i have a problem with jealousy" - i mean there's only so much he'll take, right? I need to get over it! The past few days have been ok because i've been busy and so has he and he's also been texting and phoning lots and telling me he misses me, which is great. But, i need a long term solution, as soon as girls are mentioned i still get a knot in my stomach. (not all girls i might add)
Thanks for the help though!

silence

as a guy in that situation (i.e. my, well, ex, girlfriend is back at home, i'm at uni and see certain girls occasionally i guess), i can say that you should try not to worry about it too much. even if a girl does fancy him, i don't think it would necessarily turn into anything. trust is the key issue.

What do you mean "a guy in that situation" is your girlfriend jealous? Do you find it really annoying? What can i do? :frown:

lol thanks

xx

How to get over my little problem...

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