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Falling Out Of Love - Please Help

Yesterday I didn't feel like I loved my boyfriend. I hugged him and thought "I don't love you." We'd been having stupid arguments. But I woke up this morning and felt like I didn't love him. He's depressed a lot and always seems to be unhappy. I do want to love him and be with him, and it was great on Saturday. Could it be just that I'm unhappy with the arguments, or should you always know that you love someone? Can anyone help us to fall back in love again? We've been going out 9 months and so far it's been great, up til we started having stupid arguments about insecurities. I just feel empty inside and incapable of loving anyone. I might not see him til Saturday but I could see him tonight or any night during the week if need be (ie, we can have time apart or time together).

Any help appreciated thanks.

Btw I have been having a few issues of my own (eg I have to get a skin cancer test) so I have been worrying about those.

Reply 1

Seth

8

What do you think your boyfriend is depressed about? It might be a good idea to talk things over a bit and then maybe just have some fun together- go see a film, go for a drink, spend some time together etc.

If you're feeling down you've got to make the effort to pick yourself up and try and enjoy yourself. :smile:

Reply 2

trixie

9

1. Give it time because it might just be a phase and you don't want to regret finishing things with him
2. remind yourself all the great things about being with him and that he is a great person etc.
3. Do different things, at about 9 months into a relationship I get bored and usually end up finishing with the guy... go to different places, try new things, don't let yourself get stuck in a rut.
4. Be there for him. Maybe his depression is having an affect on you, making you feel down. Perhaps once it's improved things will go back to normal?
5. Do something special for him...for no reason, i.e. romantic meal, make him a present. Just because. It will be the starting point for a great night.

Hope that helps in some way.

Reply 3

Profesh

20

It appears to me as though your 'love' has been temporarily nullified by a psychological self-preservative mechanism of some sort: evidently, his personal problems are at present too pervasive and demanding of you for the relationship to continue in its erstwhile state. Though it may pain you to realise this, love is predicated by circumstance inasmuch as by the individual per se; a change in your own situation may well have induced the cessation of your love [your urge to sacrifice] in so far as your own clinical well-being is lately become all the more imperative.

I should recommend that you undergo a trial separation, albeit that communication is maintained throughout. This will provide you with the necessary space to ameliorate certain issues which are collateral to the relationship, without altogether denying him the utility of your mutual companionship; it will also allow you an opportunity to take stock and determine the precise origin of the anomaly: should your (lack of) sentiment in regards to him remain as is following a subsequent reversion to the status quo [by way of your ceasing to apprehend possible ill-health], perhaps the obstruction might thereby be considered as more endemic.

Reply 4

SmuUsh

Love is a harsh word which can mean a lot of things but one thing is for certain If you know you want to be with him and he wants to be with you then you should let nothing get in your way... Trusting someone takes more than actually saying i trust you... believe within that he trusts you and you trust him.
And another thing ...
Love is not a train ride from A to B it is a rollercoaster ride that never stops... Each down brings a new up! good luck with your future and hopefully it all works out soon

Reply 5

CherryGarcia

1

it is ok to have these feelings I guess...I think all you can do for now is wait a bit, give it time. You know. And if you really dont love him any more, you will feel it in a month so much so you wont be able to stand him around...and then you just cant help it, you cant get love back..and there is nothing bad in that, feelings just come and go...so give it time...
oh and may be you like some other guy? :smile:

Reply 6

ellewoods

10

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I've had the odd phase when I thought like you.

Once it was so intense I was actually going to break up with him because I thought I didn't love him anymore. I was so gutted. :frown:

Then, I woke up and didn't feel like that anymore. I'd had loads of work and uni problems, and as they sorted themself out, I feel better and realised it was actually nothing to do with him, I was just generally feeling terrible.

And it just gets better between us all the time :smile:

Give it a chance - it might stop, or you might break up. Do whatever feels right. But all couples have good and bad patches, its normal so don't worry too much until it becomes obvious that you really don't love him anymore.

Reply 7

gringalet

12

Profesh

It appears to me as though your 'love' has been temporarily nullified by a psychological self-preservative mechanism of some sort: evidently, his personal problems are at present too pervasive and demanding of you for the relationship to continue in its erstwhile state. Though it may pain you to realise this, love is predicated by circumstance inasmuch as by the individual per se; a change in your own situation may well have induced the cessation of your love [your urge to sacrifice] in so far as your own clinical well-being is lately become all the more imperative.

I should recommend that you undergo a trial separation, albeit that communication is maintained throughout. This will provide you with the necessary space to ameliorate certain issues which are collateral to the relationship, without altogether denying him the utility of your mutual companionship; it will also allow you an opportunity to take stock and determine the precise origin of the anomaly: should your (lack of) sentiment in regards to him remain as is following a subsequent reversion to the status quo [by way of your ceasing to apprehend possible ill-health], perhaps the obstruction might thereby be considered as more endemic.

I didn't know Oscar Wilde was a counsellor in his spare time :biggrin:

Reply 8

Profesh

20

gringalet

I didn't know Oscar Wilde was a counsellor in his spare time :biggrin:

Oh, but I'm ever the dilettant; and, I daresay, having previously undertaken a rôle as surrogate 'gay best friend' to numerous of the fairer sex, nor does my (admittedly rather tragic) comparison necessarily end there.

Reply 9

Hayley_2k4

12

Give it time x

Falling Out Of Love - Please Help

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