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I got rid of my first love, and i now feel almost lonesome
I have mentioned previously that i knew this guy for just under a year ( i am male too 
) and we started sleeping together for months. As i had mentioned, it did not work out, and i would text him occasionally and he would respond asking to meet. I did'nt instigate the communication though, i had deleted his number until he text me this christmas and moved on from there. We were supposed to meet today but i was busy. The thing is, i like him, so much, its difficult to dispence of my feelings entirely.. he was my first everything and thats so important to me. So today i sent a message saying "You should delete me... we should get on with our lives" and everything. I feel almost guilty. There is a weird void inside me. It's hard to persue other people because i always make comparison, and i am quite a heavy person, so i can be overbearing (which is a real turn off). There are options of course..other guys i could date..but nobody really compares. I've let go and moved on..but there is still that faint hope that there will be some sort of miracle whereby we should end up together. I seriously have never felt how i felt with him in my life, and it was the happiest and (saddest) time ever. I wonder if i will find that again, and if he will always be on my mind. Something that sticks out is a stupid moment we shared. It so insiginificant and dumb, but we were watching TV, a really funny show, and we just laughed off the couch together, and he kept kissing my forehead and embracing me. I felt like the only person in the world, and it makes me feel like crying remembering it. Like the time he told me i was the only one he wanted..and how he went red and said he loves me. I dont know how i'll find love again.. i'm still very young i know.. but the future seems so bleak.
) and we started sleeping together for months. As i had mentioned, it did not work out, and i would text him occasionally and he would respond asking to meet. I did'nt instigate the communication though, i had deleted his number until he text me this christmas and moved on from there. We were supposed to meet today but i was busy. The thing is, i like him, so much, its difficult to dispence of my feelings entirely.. he was my first everything and thats so important to me. So today i sent a message saying "You should delete me... we should get on with our lives" and everything. I feel almost guilty. There is a weird void inside me. It's hard to persue other people because i always make comparison, and i am quite a heavy person, so i can be overbearing (which is a real turn off). There are options of course..other guys i could date..but nobody really compares. I've let go and moved on..but there is still that faint hope that there will be some sort of miracle whereby we should end up together. I seriously have never felt how i felt with him in my life, and it was the happiest and (saddest) time ever. I wonder if i will find that again, and if he will always be on my mind. Something that sticks out is a stupid moment we shared. It so insiginificant and dumb, but we were watching TV, a really funny show, and we just laughed off the couch together, and he kept kissing my forehead and embracing me. I felt like the only person in the world, and it makes me feel like crying remembering it. Like the time he told me i was the only one he wanted..and how he went red and said he loves me. I dont know how i'll find love again.. i'm still very young i know.. but the future seems so bleak.
There are so many complications i cannot even begin to try and explain them all, and anyway, he is with someone else already, but he says he dates him for his money, and that it was "always about" me. I know he is a cheater because he cheated with me and i'm sure there would be a trust issue if we were in a relationship.
In time you'll find someone who is much better - a guy who 'dates someone for their money' and cheats can't be that great. You're right, there would be a trust issue. You could pend some time with the 'other options,' and you might find that they have better qualities and can be even more loving. Good luck! 
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