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Condescending friends

Do you ever get the feeling that your friends are far too intrusive and presumptuous for their own good? People just seem to want dirt on you to make themselves feel better or to have something to gossip about. Sometimes when you're unhappy or embarrased about something don't you feel that you just want to be alone and not interrogated? Well some people just don't get the ****ing message. It's bad enough having less productive lives or achieving less than your peers but when they want to start pitying you for the hell of it or pretending to feel 'realleh sorreh' it makes you feel a million times crapper. After all, most people only feel entirely comfortable at their most vulnerable in front of family. You don't need friends rubbing it in your faces too.
Some people need to mind their own business and blow their own trumpets elsewhere. It's rare that they'd ever come to you and bare their soul so why they expect you to do it? It just goes to show that some people are so selfish that they are willing to get all the dirt on their peers just to make themselves feel better and of a much higher value than you. Why else would they ****ing well bother?

Reply 1

LawQueen

14

Have you ever directly told them when you are unhappy or embaressed?

If you have and they still do this, they are blatently making you unhappy just cause they have sticks up their arse and you are suffering from their lack of maturity so a quaint "f" off wouldn't go a miss.

Reply 2

posh_git

1

yeah i know how you feel. its depressing isn't it? but then i just think....what the hell F-you. I'm me and I'm me - you can't change that and if you don't like it? then tough ****.

Reply 3

Catski

I completely understand this. Especially when they pretend they're only doing it to help you talk about it or get it out of your system. If they ask if you want to talk about it once, fine, its a nice gesture, but when I retreat into my shell I don't expect to be winkled out with a little inquisitive pin :frown:

Reply 4

It's just that- there's being a good mate and being concerned but then there's just being plain intrusive, sneaky and condescending. I know my mates would go ****ing skitz if I was so intrusive. Eventually I just leave it. They, on the otherhand, talk amongst themselves behind my back and come to the conclusion that 'something bad has happened to me and I haven't told them.' One- I'd usually tell them if they were that arsed and Two- what ****ing business is it of theirs anyway???
My God I've never known such hypocrisy. Why the hell am I obliged to be so ****ing soul-baring about everything when they're so ****ing secretive???
This is why I often estimate the true value of my friendships. Are they really worth putting your whole trust in if this is the way you're seen- as a gossip bag to make others feel better or more assured in themselves?

Reply 5

Catski

I hear you :frown:

If you want to rant/bitch about it feel free to PM me, its something thats been bugging me lately, as well.

Reply 6

LawQueen

14

Anonymous

It's just that- there's being a good mate and being concerned but then there's just being plain intrusive, sneaky and condescending. I know my mates would go ****ing skitz if I was so intrusive. Eventually I just leave it. They, on the otherhand, talk amongst themselves behind my back and come to the conclusion that 'something bad has happened to me and I haven't told them.' One- I'd usually tell them if they were that arsed and Two- what ****ing business is it of theirs anyway???
My God I've never known such hypocrisy. Why the hell am I obliged to be so ****ing soul-baring about everything when they're so ****ing secretive???
This is why I often estimate the true value of my friendships. Are they really worth putting your whole trust in if this is the way you're seen- as a gossip bag to make others feel better or more assured in themselves?

ditch them before they do you any more damage. don't blame yourself for being more mature. one day they will realise what a sad existence they lead and you won't even remember their names.

Reply 7

Sithius

16

Just a quick smack round the face will sort it. If not then push will come to shove in my books.

Either that or verbal some **** on their plate.

Reply 8

But the thing is they're meant to be my best mates. But instead of asking me outright what they thought was up with me, they confer behind my back and have a good old dicussion about it to make value themselves as great judges of character. They're nice to me to my face but God knows what they say about me behind my back.
I never suspected them like this before. But the amount they talk to me like I'm lower than them is something I've really begun to notice. The worst thing is the fact that I am overly benevolent to them in terms of lending money, giving presents etc and purely because I want to. I love giving gifts to others- whoever they are. But they really do take advantage of my vulnerability. I've noticed that it's only me they're not afraid to be in a mood with or very short with. In fact, they're much much more concerned about their boyfriends than friends anyway.
What is it with girls and back-biting? It's ****ing stupid. I wish they'd just leave me the **** alone when I don't want to talk or if I'm upset. Just because they're the happiest people in the ****ing world doesn't mean I am. I have many MANY problems right now and I try to be as sociable as I can be. But they become very discontented with the idea that sometimes I will feel down about something. They see it as a nuisance. So what do they do? Intrude and make me feel even more like ****. Only parents have the right to do that. And even then it'd be much more respectable of them to outright ask me.

Reply 9

Bah. No point now. Tis only a few months til uni then they're kapoofed.

Reply 10

toiletwall

Yeah I think many people can relate to that. - Think of it this way, if they're saying things that make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, they're probably only diverting the attention onto someone else as they themselves are insecure and are too immature to admit it, or respect you. I would suggest mentioning it to them when they next do it.

Reply 11

posh_git

1

hang on though: i do see the other side of the argument.

maybe they want to like care for you but feel that the issue may be too personal and they don't want to bring it up: that's called being sensitive and caring.

if this is not the case then im sorry for you :frown:

Reply 12

I see your point but when they're going behind your back and sniffing up info on you, it gets quite uncomfortable and unnecessary. Especially if you deliberately haven't told them for a reason.
It just makes me think that they want to assure themselves that I am a piece of **** while they're flying high.

Reply 13

warranty-ideal

12

Kick them in the nuts and run!!
muahah
... or take the moral high ground... eithers good.

Reply 14

LawQueen

14

Anonymous

I see your point but when they're going behind your back and sniffing up info on you, it gets quite uncomfortable and unnecessary. Especially if you deliberately haven't told them for a reason.
It just makes me think that they want to assure themselves that I am a piece of **** while they're flying high.

screw the bleeding idiots now, don't wait till college finishes, who knows what they could do next :eek:

btw next time a friend's birthday comes up give them nothing or something crap-say i've given you the gift of friendship or something and we'll see their true colours :biggrin:

Reply 15

Oh God one is coming up very soon actually.
I don't know whether to get her what she wants or not bother. I'd feel mean...

Reply 16

Cate

1

Anonymous

I see your point but when they're going behind your back and sniffing up info on you, it gets quite uncomfortable and unnecessary. Especially if you deliberately haven't told them for a reason.
It just makes me think that they want to assure themselves that I am a piece of **** while they're flying high.

How do you know they're going behind your back and 'sniffing up info' on you?
To be honest, it sounds like you have some sort of issue going on, especially if you think they're trying to make you think you're a piece of ****. Have you even thought about how it looks to other people? If they're you're true friends they will be concerned for you, and have obviously picked up that you haven't told them something, even if you didn't tell them for a reason. Maybe you should just trust someone and tell them what you aren't telling them, because you never know, they might understand and be helpful.

Reply 17

I know exactly how you feel, I know someone like that, I'm not even friends with her but she's so nosy and if I ever try to tell her to get lost, she gets really annoyed with me and makes out like she wasn't in the wrong or anything. She seriously bugged me one day when she started talking to me on msn, I posted what she said to another friend who told me she was waaaay out of line.

I think the best thing for you to do is either talk to your friends or just drop them. I know it sounds difficult etc but thats the only way. I was friends with some people who I later discovered disliked me and talked about me 24/7 behind my back and even though distancing myself felt like the hardest thing to do because my other friends had their own groups, it was the best thing. I soon found new friends who properly cared about me.

It sounds like your friends are talking about you in that way because they think that just because they have boyfriends they are superior to you in some way, and people who talk about you like that are not worth knowing. It may seem the hardest thing in the world to find new friends but its way better to be on your own for a while trying to find new ones who'll be good friends than staying with ones that are making you unhappy, sticking with them won't help you in the long run.

Condescending friends

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