This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Social Anxiety

Hi,
I hope someone can give me some advice on a social problem I have :smile:

I am a very 'shy' person, I'm not shy with people who I know or in situations I am familiar with but as soon as I have to meet new people or am put in a situation where I don't have a clue what might happen, then I get anxious and shy :redface:

I am also prone to panic attacks which tend to appear in these situations.

I have a party to go to this Saturday with my boyfriend. The problem is that it's his work party and therefore I won't know anyone but him (plus his Mum who also works there) and obviously I don't know what the party will be like or what will happen. I'm terrified of this party because of the problem I have in social situations :redface:

I'm worried about what I'm going to wear incase I look stupid and I'm worried about the girls my bf works with incase they come over because I'm sure I'll look stupid infront of them. I'm worried about not knowing anyone and not being able to talk properly infront of them and embarrasing my bf. I'm also worried because I have an almighty fear of dancing at parties (stupid fear I know!) and that all of the other girls will be dancing and I'll be the only one not or that his Mum wll try and get me to dance when I don't want to. I'm also worried because my bf's brother's gf is coming with us and I'm worried I'll look stupid/ugly/boring compared to her....

As you can see I'm weird but I didn't know if anyone had any advice as to deal with this party, it's making me so worried that I don't want to go but I have to really coz it's for my bf and I think I need to go to try and get over this problem.

I can manage to go to the pub or out with friends without any problems, it just appears to be in situations I don't know with people I don't know...it also seems to appear when other girls are about coz then my self-confidence really does hit the floor. The thing is I have been told I'm attractive but it even happens when an ugly girl is next to me (not to sound mean :redface:

)

I'd be happy for any advice :smile:

Reply 1

just act urself, dont dress too fancy, dont underdress

Reply 2

I am exactly the same! My boyfriend takes me to many parties and things where i don't know anyone, especially dinner parties where you are sat next to two people you don't know, boy girl boy girl.

Whenever you meet new people, find out little obvious things about them, ask them questions. The more you ask, the less you have to say, the more the person will think you are interested in who they are.
Also, you could always ask your boyfriend to kind of prep you and certain people. Ask him to tell you little details about them, like their interests. Then after you've been introduced you can say "oh i heard you were interested in....." then they get a chance to talk about something, making everything a little easier.
Have a bank of questions in your head of things you could ask people. Just preparing a little before hand will make you a little more confident about going.

Good luck. x x x

Reply 3

tbm

13

Wear what you feel comfortable in, that way you will feel more confident and more relaxed. Dont worry about what other people think- chances are they probably wont even give you a second thought and will be worrying too much about themselves anyway!!

Do you have some sort of 'remedy' that you use when you feel nervous to help you relax? I had hypnotherapy recently and she taught me how to do deep breathing when I get nervous and focus on a memory of something that happened when you felt totally relaxed and not nervous- i.e focus on a time that you went to the pub with friends and you didnt have any problems.

Just try and relax and be yourself, if people come over to talk to you then smile and make conversation, that way you will feel less self conscious.

Reply 4

(This is OP)

Thanks a lot, it helps to know that I'm not the only person who gets nervous and shy in these situations :smile:

.Em. - Thanks for the relaxation tip, I'm gonna try that :smile:

Reply 5

Zebrastripes

13

Anonymous

(This is OP)

Thanks a lot, it helps to know that I'm not the only person who gets nervous and shy in these situations :smile:

.Em. - Thanks for the relaxation tip, I'm gonna try that :smile:

With the relaxation, make sure your out breath is longer than you intake, this is what calms you down.

Reply 6

Wee Dave

1

i am just like you. Dont have a solution though

Reply 7

-TMG-

9

I'm the same. Just be yourself, don't change. There are people who will like you for you and that you won't have to act for. It does become a problem though when I have to go and see people, for important things, but am then too scared to go and meet them. It's silly really.

Maybe try therapy? Or go to the GP and see about medications? Writing helps. And getting enough sleep. When I'm lacking sleep I'm even more anxious, which makes me stressed as well.

Reply 8

Ferrus

19

I have social anxiety. Not that I have panic attacks - over the years I have become more adapt at internalising these things (not just SA) - rather I become totally seperated it seems from the outside world. I another words it interfers with my social life to the extent I don't have one.

As for a solution, well there are plenty, it is just having the will to carry it out that is often the problem.

Reply 9

LoveMusic

1

Good advice already given :biggrin:

I like the idea of knowing a little fact. If your boyfriend knows then i'm sure he will make sure you're okay

xx

Reply 10

dont call yourself wierd i totally understand where you are coming from. i understand that you might panic but try relax and this might actually help with yourself confidence and shyness. If your bf's mum makes you dance just go with the flow and everyone wont be looking and at you they will be enjoying themselves. dont compare yourself to your brothers girlfriend because everyone is different no 2 people are the same. keep smiling and enjoy yourself :biggrin:

Reply 11

Sithius

16

Don't worry about it, I'm sure your'll have a good time there in the end. :wink:

Reply 12

white_haired_wizard

16

Perhaps you can mask your shyness? act a little, but you do have your boyfriend, its not like walking into a room full of unknowns. Maybe it is, but when you have a friend, b/f or g/f with you, surely that makes things easier.

I'm pretty awful with new people, well i am in fact - being nervous in a situation doesn't help, im pretty sure people can detect nerves, panic in people - it can be as unsettling for others to be in the presence of a nervous person, as for the nervous person him/herself!!

People don't think you as weird when they see a nervous person, shyness etc can sometimes be misunderstood/mistaken for arrogance and loner type behaviour...but often i think people with such errr hate the word, 'symptoms', get pity and a sympathy vote but still struggle to form friendships etc b/c others are simply not confident in striking up conversation with you!!!

so people won't think ill of you, look down upon you, hate you etc....they are more than likely to think to themselves "aww bless....", which can still be pretty patronising. You probably think a bit too much for your own good.. :smile:

Reply 13

Youre not alone

http://www.social-anxiety-community.org/db/

Go there, its great to meet like minded people

Reply 14

Anonymous

Hi,
I hope someone can give me some advice on a social problem I have :smile:

I am a very 'shy' person, I'm not shy with people who I know or in situations I am familiar with but as soon as I have to meet new people or am put in a situation where I don't have a clue what might happen, then I get anxious and shy :redface:

I am also prone to panic attacks which tend to appear in these situations.

I have a party to go to this Saturday with my boyfriend. The problem is that it's his work party and therefore I won't know anyone but him (plus his Mum who also works there) and obviously I don't know what the party will be like or what will happen. I'm terrified of this party because of the problem I have in social situations :redface:

I'm worried about what I'm going to wear incase I look stupid and I'm worried about the girls my bf works with incase they come over because I'm sure I'll look stupid infront of them. I'm worried about not knowing anyone and not being able to talk properly infront of them and embarrasing my bf. I'm also worried because I have an almighty fear of dancing at parties (stupid fear I know!) and that all of the other girls will be dancing and I'll be the only one not or that his Mum wll try and get me to dance when I don't want to. I'm also worried because my bf's brother's gf is coming with us and I'm worried I'll look stupid/ugly/boring compared to her....

As you can see I'm weird but I didn't know if anyone had any advice as to deal with this party, it's making me so worried that I don't want to go but I have to really coz it's for my bf and I think I need to go to try and get over this problem.

I can manage to go to the pub or out with friends without any problems, it just appears to be in situations I don't know with people I don't know...it also seems to appear when other girls are about coz then my self-confidence really does hit the floor. The thing is I have been told I'm attractive but it even happens when an ugly girl is next to me (not to sound mean :redface:

)

I'd be happy for any advice :smile:

omg thts so me as well hit the nail rite on the head and it doesnt bother me too much bt wen my bf asks me to meet his friends or go with him out at night , as i dont drink, i get very anxious and nervous. ur not alone!

Social Anxiety

Related discussions

Articles for you