Majorly depressed :(

Anonymous

Your ex is being very selfish. If you feel like you are going to fail at uni this year, go home and start again next year. This will give you time to get back on track. Go and see a counsellor or your GP, as they will be able to help in some way. It may be an idea to ask your old friends to see you alone, rather than with your ex, as that will inevitably be hard.

Good luck hun.

Why on earth did you feel the need to post that as anonymous, when not even the OP posted as anonymous, you are so reported.

Reply 3

Affectation

1

I think it's incredibly insensitive and unnecessary of your ex to persuade you not to come back. Under no circumstances should anybody ever influence you to give up your future for such purposes. I can understand how horrible you must feel right now and really as cliche as it sounds, the best way to make steps is to talk to people. I am sure your friends are willing to help. If you make an effort they will make twice as much back, especially if they understand how hard it is for you to socialise at the moment.
There must also be people at your uni- pastoral officers or something that you can talk to. You just have to look for somebody- they are often out there somewhere! Don't give up just yet, you'll regret it and I know that it's possible to get over something like this. It takes time but do take every opportunity to move on- it's worth it!
Really hope you feel better- if you need more cheering up feel free to PM me. *hug*

sorry

You know if you find yourself in the situation like this at Uni, which I have, it can be possible to take advantage of it by studying more. Hard when you have depression I know, but sometimes study helps numb the mind... you just need to find the motivation first :smile:

Reply 6

Who neg repped me saying I was insensitive? If you even bothered to read my post I was criticising the 2nd poster, not the OP, you retards.

Reply 7

Zebrastripes

Joe_87

Who neg repped me saying I was insensitive? If you even bothered to read my post I was criticising the 2nd poster, not the OP, you retards.

Why criticise anyone? If you want to post in the thread, at least have something helpful to say.

I would suggest going to talk to someone confidential. It is really helpful to talk to someone about it, without thinking that what you are telling them is hurting them/worried what they will think. See if your old friends will visit you at uni if you want to progress. But if you don't like uni, take a year out and get some help with your depression. Then, when you go back you will be more able to make friends and enjoy university life.

Reply 8

teehar

it'll be the anon. person who repped you.
i'll have to sub you jus so you find out who anon. is :biggrin:

Lol well that's your choice.
[EDIT] Guessing the disappearance of your post means you won't be doing that. :rolleyes:

ladydeborah

Why criticise anyone? If you want to post in the thread, at least have something helpful to say.

I think criticising people for their constant abuse of the anonymous function, which could possibly lead to its eventual removal, which will cause people with real problems to lose out, is worthwhile.

Reply 9

Tarts_n_Vicars

Your ex is being quite vile to you (ex for a reason obviously!) and you should not sacrifice your own happiness so he can have an easy life.

What year are you in at uni? I'm surprised at your parents (but then 'rents aren't always normal are they) so I would suggest you don't make any rash decisions as going into an environment where they aren't supporting you right now could be more harm than good. Have you tried talking to the support staff at uni? You've had a lot of upheaval to deal with, don't be too hard on yourself.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 10

white_haired_wizard

16

ferrus

You know if you find yourself in the situation like this at Uni, which I have, it can be possible to take advantage of it by studying more. Hard when you have depression I know, but sometimes study helps numb the mind... you just need to find the motivation first :smile:

Some could employ it in that way, but not me. I just cannot function when i'm low, or sometimes depressed....i haven't been able to think straight at all when having the latter...

for OP - good luck - try not to look at everything as a whole, although it maybe/is interlinked - one big pie to combat and sort out, just break it into little bits as one huge mass of a problem is too much to get the head around - try and break it up into segments, be rational about things, maybe talk to close friends or parents.

good luck :smile:

Reply 11

Monkey_Maiden

OP

11

Tarts_n_Vicars

Your ex is being quite vile to you (ex for a reason obviously!) and you should not sacrifice your own happiness so he can have an easy life.

What year are you in at uni? I'm surprised at your parents (but then 'rents aren't always normal are they) so I would suggest you don't make any rash decisions as going into an environment where they aren't supporting you right now could be more harm than good. Have you tried talking to the support staff at uni? You've had a lot of upheaval to deal with, don't be too hard on yourself.

Good luck :smile:

I'm in first year and I kinda understand where they are coming from as they both went to uni and met each other and had a wonderful time so they think once I settle in I'll love it, if they let me drop out they would feel guitly but this isn't the right thing for me at the moment. I'm failing my semester and it's a waste of money for them
I saw a counsellor last term and it was ok but I didn't feel that comfortable talking to them and it made me more upset.
I want to come home this weekend to see my family and mates but I would feel terrible hurting my ex as he really doesn't want me back and I still care bout him loads and don't wanna ruin being mates
Thanks

Reply 12

Teehar

10

Joe_87

Lol well that's your choice.
[EDIT] Guessing the disappearance of your post means you won't be doing that. :rolleyes:

I think criticising people for their constant abuse of the anonymous function, which could possibly lead to its eventual removal, which will cause people with real problems to lose out, is worthwhile.

i didn't actually make it disappear. must have been a mod :eek:

wonder if this will stay around long enough for you to see. :wink:

--------------

Monkey_Maiden

I'm in first year and I kinda understand where they are coming from as they both went to uni and met each other and had a wonderful time so they think once I settle in I'll love it, if they let me drop out they would feel guitly but this isn't the right thing for me at the moment. I'm failing my semester and it's a waste of money for them
I saw a counsellor last term and it was ok but I didn't feel that comfortable talking to them and it made me more upset.
I want to come home this weekend to see my family and mates but I would feel terrible hurting my ex as he really doesn't want me back and I still care bout him loads and don't wanna ruin being mates
Thanks

i dont mean to be annoying, i know you probably care about him a lot, but if he doesnt want you back, isnt that a little selfish? to me, and i may be wrong, it just seems like he is thinking about himself and not caring too much about what you wnat. at the end of the day, i hope everything works out for you :wink:

Reply 13

teehar

i didn't actually make it disappear. must have been a mod :eek:

wonder if this will stay around long enough for you to see. :wink:

Why are they deleting your posts? Is there some kind of campaign against teehar or something? Ooh maybe the one who repped me is a mod?

Reply 14

Tarts_n_Vicars

Monkey_Maiden

I'm in first year and I kinda understand where they are coming from as they both went to uni and met each other and had a wonderful time so they think once I settle in I'll love it, if they let me drop out they would feel guitly but this isn't the right thing for me at the moment. I'm failing my semester and it's a waste of money for them
I saw a counsellor last term and it was ok but I didn't feel that comfortable talking to them and it made me more upset.
I want to come home this weekend to see my family and mates but I would feel terrible hurting my ex as he really doesn't want me back and I still care bout him loads and don't wanna ruin being mates
Thanks

But your ex is hardly being a good mate by saying "yeah I know your world is crashing down around you but it'd be easier for me if you stayed in that situation thanks". If he cares about you on any level he'll understand that you need to come home and on this occasion the decision isn't about him so sorry, his feelings about it don't count. You can go home and just hang out with some girl friends, even if you have the same circle of mates it's not a given that everywhere you go he'll be there.

Do you think you'd go back to uni in September if you dropped out now...or can you pinpoint what it actually is about being there that's upsetting you so much? Maybe if you can then your parents will be more supportive :smile:

Reply 15

sesquipedalian

1

You should never feel you can't go home because your ex doesn't want you there. If he doesn't want you around, that's his problem, not yours, assuming you aren't stalking him or planning to move into the flat next door or something.

I just got back to school after taking three quarters off, and it was definitely the best course of action for me to take. My parents weren't too thrilled at first either, but after talking to me and an asistant dean at my school who I'm close to, they kind of realized it was the best thing. I was only getting out of bed to use the bathroom, failing all my classes, going days without talking to anyone, and really just deteriorating. And the thing that's important to remember is that college is supposed to be fun-- that was one of the deciding factors for me. I wanted to be able to look back at school and have more to say than, "Well, at least I survived."

I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but try not to worry about what anyone else thinks/feels about this, because it's your life and you're the one who has to live it every day. Recognizing that you need to take some time to concentrate on yourself is not selfish, not when it's necessary. I'd suggest talking to a psychiatrist or someone, too, maybe consider the possibility of some medication if this has been going on for some time, but find someone you like, that's so important! I've gone through half a dozen shrinks before finding someone I really connected with.

Remember, you're a beautiful person and there are people who understand what you're going through. PM me if you want to talk! :hugs:

Reply 16

Nysh

1

Monkey_Maiden

Heya I feel really trapped at the moment, I broke up with my bf and recently came back to uni. I hated uni last term but people convinced me I should go back to get over my ex and settle in. It's been a week and I really hate it, I've got depression anyway but I can't go to lectures and I stay in my bed pretty much all day because I'm so low. I'm worried as I find the idea of socialising with people even my flatmates scary whereas my room seems safe and relaxing, I don't know what's happening. I want to come home and have broached the subject with my parents but they won't let me till after this year :frown:

they said I would be ruining my future and don't understand my depression. Also my ex has said he doesn't want me coming back because he will hate me as he needs space and that would be hard as we have the same mates. I just feel at a time like this I need to sort my head out and come home and see my family and mates but neither will let me :frown:

I'm going insane here

Please help :frown:

Apart from the ex situation, I completely understand the loneliness you are feeling right now, and the fear that lurks outside of your room door. Getting out of bed is also tough because you don't see the point in getting up. The best way to cope, I think, is to convince yourself that there is reason to get up, and there is a reason to live.

This is going to sound simple, and it's not, but you have to get over your ex. If revenge will satisfy you, then you should prove to him that you don't need him, and you can be independent, and stand on your own two feet. You also need to prove that to yourself.

Don't let him control the way you think either. If you go back home at any point, hang out with your friends, and if he still continues to act selfishly, tell him that they are your friends too.

You need to go to your lecture. If you get out of bed, and get out of your room, and even your halls, and go for walks, etc, you will feel better.

Worst comes to worst, it is advisable to go and see your uni councellor.

Good Luck!

Reply 17

belle_27

14

^^ I second that. I found the best way to deal with depression was to keep on going as I always had, so I went to school when it was the last place I wanted to be (I wanted to run away to this remote little beach in cuckmere with a really pretty river which loops round, can't remember the exact name for that). I carried on talking in classes when I wanted to be silent, I tried to be cheerful among my friends when I just wanted to cry. Getting through each day was a struggle but carrying on like that helped me and then one day it went and I felt happy again.

Do you hate your university? or do you just hate your course? Figure out whether its the depression thats making you hate the place or whether you genuinely aren't happy with the university as a whole. If your case is the latter then you should think about either dropping out, taking a gap year and applying next year so you have time to sort things out or finishing this year and transferring into the second year of another university (not sure if its too late though).

Also, you're ex bf is being waaay unreasonable!!!! If you had not had to go back to uni he would have had to cope with you being around and having the same friends as you. So if you're not happy and just want to be back with your friends and family you have every right to be, he's only got a broken heart to deal with compared to you so he's got no right to tell you what you can and can't do.

Hope things get better :smile:

Reply 18

Monkey_Maiden

OP

11

Thanks for all your replies :smile:

I'm beginning to think now that it wasn't just the course or uni I hate it's just actually university itself. I know I'm quite an immature person and find it hard to try new things but I think I would have been better taking a year off at least maybe.
My parents had a 'talk' last night (more like a lecture) and said if I dropped out I would be the family failure and they would make my life a misery, saying I would have less right to live there than anyone else so I would have to respect everyone more than they respect me, plus my mum said if I dropped out she woudn't acknowledge me as a daughter as I have shamed them. I know I would have to get a job but they siad I would have 2 weeks to find one and have to pay £65 rent per week, if after 2 weeks I couldnt find one they would throw me out.
So basically I have to go back to uni because being at home would be worse, to make it even more horrible my parents don't believe I have depression, think I'm making it up :frown:

Went home for weekend and saw mates and ex and things were ok till yesterday afternoon when I met up with ex to talk and he kissed me and was all over me and we eneded up fooling around, now hes back to saying he dont like me and wants me to leave him alone :frown:

Help Thanks

Reply 19

Tarts_n_Vicars