is it right to get engaged?

Why would getting engaged enable you to get out of your home situation? Surely what you need to do is move in together?

Reply 2

Planxty

You have been with him for three months, and ur getting engaged???

Oh my god...

Big mistake babe. Don't go through with the marriage.

Just because your home life might be difficult, doesnt mean you should try jump on the first train outta there.

You're only 18 years old and been with him 3months.

I know people who have been engaged for like 6yrs+ and called it off before the marriage, realising they werent right for each other. Yet you think you guys are, after 3months of being with each other???

Thats crazy..

I know Im being a little blunt but if you want my advice, here it is.

Going through with this marriage could well be the biggest mistake of your life.

Reply 3

JadedHippy

11

If you had said you were getting married, I would have said your were insane. But if it's just an engagement, and it's going to last a couple of years.. Go for it. I'm sure after being engaged for 2-3 years you will know if you want to marry him.

*Jaded

Reply 4

Sarky

18

I understand what its like when you first get with someone, especially if things are difficult at home. Three months isn't very long, but of course no-one can tell you what to do and if it feels right then thats great. I would suggest trying to resolve (if possible which is easier said than done) some of the issues which you have at home. If moving out is the only way to do that, then thats a shame but it can be hard when you rely solely on one person and see them as an escape route. It can out a lot of pressure on a relationship. Could you not just be together without being engaged until you've been together longer? I had a 3 year relationship which ended earlier this year and thought i would be with him forever at one point. I hated my home environment (still do) and spending time with him meant i wasn't there. I still loved him, but i do think that clouded my judgment. Once i moved to uni my feelings changed for a number of reasons, and i'm glad i didn't rush into anything. I'm with someone new now and although i'm crazy about him i don't want to make the same mistakes and am just enjoying being with him rather than trying to rush things.

Good luck whatever happens.

Reply 5

Sithius

Engagements are fine. My sister was engaged for about 5 years then she left her financee. He was a bit of a ****** anyway (coke addict).

Reply 6

Poison Ivy

You should think about it carefully before you do anything! 3 months is a short time for being together :smile:

Reply 7

Katia

6

loobylou1987

i have been with my boyf (he is 20, nearly 21 and i am 18) for three months, i love him deeply and totally feel complete with him. i have a difficult home life at times and i very much want to go out. we have been thinking that getting engaged (we wouldnt get married for a couple of years, so it would be a long engagement) would enable to get out of this situation. two dyas ago, he asked me to marry him and i said yes, it totally feels right, my family do not know. but what i need to know is i should ignore the judgements of others which are inevitable and what are others opinions on this situation?

Why ask this on a forum if you don't want judgement from others :confused:

Reply 8

Oddity

1

Like everyone else said i think that an engagement after only 3 months is really rushed. Why do you need to be engaged to move out? My mother and stepfather lived together for over 7 years before they decided to get married.

Reply 9

Manatee

14

naelse

Why would getting engaged enable you to get out of your home situation?

I don't understand it either. :confused:

Reply 10

i love how quite a few people are saying it's fine just to get engaged...
am i the only one that hates long engagements? if you're going to get married, get married...if you're not...don't get engaged. simple.

Reply 11

Segat1

I wouldnt even move in together until I had been with someone for a couple of years. I seem to be saying this all the effing time but you do so much growing up and changing in your twenties you will look back at your teens and cringe.

think it out a bit more. it sounds to me you're running away from your home to a bloke you barely know. Yes, I know you think you love him. But in three months, how much can you know?

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Fleece

i love how quite a few people are saying it's fine just to get engaged...
am i the only one that hates long engagements? if you're going to get married, get married...if you're not...don't get engaged. simple.

what Fleece said^^^^

Reply 12

Mrs_F

Fleece

i love how quite a few people are saying it's fine just to get engaged...
am i the only one that hates long engagements? if you're going to get married, get married...if you're not...don't get engaged. simple.

By the time I get married next year I will have been engaged for 2 and a half years which is a long engagement. But it isn't as simple as if you're going to get married, get married. A wedding costs money, and a marriage needs a home - which we cannot get until we are both qualified and working.

Reply 13

Yes...so why bother getting engaged in the first place?

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wait until you can afford it all and then get engaged...

Reply 14

Mrs_F

Fleece

Yes...so why bother getting engaged in the first place?

It's traditional - we are traditional people.

Reply 15

why is that traditional?

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long engagements arent traditional at all.

i dont have a problem with you getting married...i just dont see the point in long engagements.

Reply 16

Segat1

agreed. weddings only cost the amount of a registry office and a marriage licence. everything else is perfunctory, and you don't have to own a house, you can rent.

Reply 17

Mrs_F

Fleece

Yes...so why bother getting engaged in the first place?

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wait until you can afford it all and then get engaged...

Well if we were going to do that there is no point in getting engaged - might as well just get straight married. Getting engaged gives us that extra committment - it was something we wanted to do. When he proposed I wasn't going to say "no". It also gives my parents time to save up for the wedding :biggrin:

Anyway, everyone is different. It's ok that you wouldn't get engaged, but I wanted to and so I did. Doesn't really need anymore of an explanation really!

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Fleece

why is that traditional?

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long engagements arent traditional at all.

i dont have a problem with you getting married...i just dont see the point in long engagements.

Which is fair enough - but when he proposed it was lovely and I didn't want to say "no - take the ring back and ask me in two years time".

It is traditional to get engaged and then get married?

Reply 18

Segat1

Jeez, wouldn't you rather put the money of a wedding towards a house, esp as your parents have to save up for it?

Reply 19