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Kissing Practise & Other Revelations

2

So... I really like this guy, and he has told me that I 'entice him just by being' - he has a girlfriend :frown:

Thing is, I like him so much I actually practise kissing with my hand... and I bought his favourite album today. I want him so much it actually hurts. A mutual friend told me he is unhappy in his relationship, and complains about his girlfriend to him. Three nights after we first met we saw each other again and he told me he'd considered breaking up with her for me. We spent the whole night together kissing (not really snogging though :rolleyes:

) and I ended up sleeping in bed with him. We just talked and held each other and I kissed his stomach! :biggrin:

In the end he decided to stay with her. :frown:

Everytime we see each other it's unbearable because I can't kiss him or anything. I don't understand why he is staying in his relationship - they live miles away from each other (he's at uni and she is still at school) and he isn't even happy. The only reason I can think is that it's ''safe'', and he doesn't want to take a risk.

I suppose what I'm asking is 1) is it wrong that I am doing strange things like kissing my hand pretending it's him? :redface:

and 2) how do you think I should act around him? We go out with the same group so we see each other quite often. Is it really worth playing it cool? Problem is I'm such an open person I just want to tell him how I feel, so that'd be hard!

(Tips on getting rid of the girlfriend would be useful too! :wink:

)

Reply 1

Angel Interceptor

11

Kissing your hand and pretending it's him seems a little wierd/obsessive. Anyhows, maybe you should just tell him how you feel outright, because if you didn't then you'd never know if he's just staying in his current relationship because it's safe and doesn't want to take a chance with you because he doesn't know exactly how you feel about him, and if you don't do it then you'll just bottle it up and get upset. Plus, if you tell him how you feel then it'll help resolve the situation and you'll know how to act around him when you go out with your common group of friends as everything will be out in the open.

Reply 2

SophistiCat

OP

2

Yeah, I think you're right. I just don't want to scare him off by going all Fatal Attraction! Sometimes I find it hard to draw the line.

As for the kissing thing: if I found out most people had done it I would find it pretty hilarious and sad... but the thought of him doing it while thinking of me is quite nice. I suppose it's like the thought of him you-know-what-ing over me... that doesn't bother me either! :smile:

Reply 3

frank01277779

1

1/ yes that does seem weird! but hey, everyone is weird in some way and thats not harming anyone, if you wanna kiss your hand, you kiss your hand! (maybe i just dont have a good enough imagination...)
2/ if he doesnt already know how you feel, that you wanna be in a relationship with him then tell him, or if you think he might know but are not sure, tell him again, having feelings out in the open in general is a good thing, especially if you're an open person anyway then go with what feels right for you...

When you ended up sleeping in his bed, if that was soon after u got to uni i wouldnt read too much into it, sorry, but theres quite a few reasons that it could have happened (can list some if you like) not just because he wanted it to be you...
You dont actually mention knowing that he likes you at all in your post, do you know that he does and if he was single would go out with you?

My plan would be to tell him how you feel if he doesnt already know, find out how he feels if you dont already know, and if he doesnt wanna be with you then try to move on, stay friends with him if you can do that, and like the cliche goes "you never know what might happen in the future"

Reply 4

SophistiCat

OP

2

Thanks for your reply punkskamonkey. v helpful! :smile:

It wasn't at the start of uni it was only a few weeks ago. Well, we are in our first year but we are gap-year students (it does make a difference to maturity levels!)...

Yeah, we told each other that night how much we liked each other/had been thinking about each other/were considering breaking up with our 'other halves' because of it. I broke up with my boyfriend, not for that reason but it contributed a little. He said it had been really hard for him and just kept telling me to stop 'enticing him... just by being'- classic line! :biggrin:

But the day after he said 'I have to stay with her, been together 2 years, only known you a while, still love her, blah blah' but our friend and I feel he's lying to himself. I just want him to know that I could love him, I want to! Sounds a bit intense I know but I really feel it!

Oh yeah and his reply to my question: 'would you consider being with me if you didn't have a girlfriend?', was 'damn right I would!' :biggrin:

Reply 5

Talya

16

My opinion; maybe if you do more than just 'be' you will be MORE enticing and he will break up with his girlfriend.

Reply 6

President_Ben

15

I think you got completely played the first time round...

I think it's a little different to be kissing your hand... but you're not stalking him so nothing too bad. Yet :p:

I should think it's pretty clear to him that you're gunning for him... let him know for sure just one more time. But if he's still mucking about... slap him :wink:

Appreciate that being with someone for two years is a big deal and there's a kind of security and certainty you can't reach.

As for asking about getting him and her to split up - daggers in the back!!

Reply 7

rarrar

Kissing isn't really hard at all. Of all the things that you are directed to 'go with the flow', it is number one. If you really want to impress him, get a carrot.

Reply 8

Erana

9

Firstly I'd say the kissing-the-hand thing is a sign of some pretty serious infatuation (not necessarily a bad thing!). If you want to 'get rid of the girlfriend' ... just flirt with the guy. As hard as you can. Flirt, flirt, flirt!

I was in a similar situation about a year and a half ago. It was a pretty heady mutual attraction between my current boyfriend and I - he had a girlfriend who lived abroad. We spent about three months flirting (which was obvious to everyone else but ourselves- duh). Typically, just after we'd admitted how we felt about each other, he was off to see his then gf for a week! Wouldn't have liked to be him then.

But I think the thing you have to remember is, if he really wants to be with you, eventually he'll drift away from his current girlfriend and things will be as you want them. Or he could be a coward who refuses to break up with her at any point no matter how much he wants you.

Here's hoping he's not a coward! Good luck :smile:

Reply 9

hippychick4eva

SophistiCat

So... I really like this guy, and he has told me that I 'entice him just by being' - he has a girlfriend :frown:

Thing is, I like him so much I actually practise kissing with my hand... and I bought his favourite album today. I want him so much it actually hurts. A mutual friend told me he is unhappy in his relationship, and complains about his girlfriend to him. Three nights after we first met we saw each other again and he told me he'd considered breaking up with her for me. We spent the whole night together kissing (not really snogging though :rolleyes:

) and I ended up sleeping in bed with him. We just talked and held each other and I kissed his stomach! :biggrin:

In the end he decided to stay with her. :frown:

Everytime we see each other it's unbearable because I can't kiss him or anything. I don't understand why he is staying in his relationship - they live miles away from each other (he's at uni and she is still at school) and he isn't even happy. The only reason I can think is that it's ''safe'', and he doesn't want to take a risk.

I suppose what I'm asking is 1) is it wrong that I am doing strange things like kissing my hand pretending it's him? :redface:

and 2) how do you think I should act around him? We go out with the same group so we see each other quite often. Is it really worth playing it cool? Problem is I'm such an open person I just want to tell him how I feel, so that'd be hard!

(Tips on getting rid of the girlfriend would be useful too! :wink:

)

1) its not THAT weird... its not "wrong" anyway.. just wouldnt go round telling people about it! lol
2) You're in a similar situation to I was in with a guy (who is now my bf :biggrin:

) a while back.. he was going out with a girl.. and said he loved her.. he wasnt in my friendship group (didnt go to same school).. we met up a couple of times and had some full on kissing sessions.... i couldnt stop thinking about him... i just kept texting him and talking to him.. eventually he split up with his gf... we got together some more, but werent going out still.. finally he came home from uni for my bday and asked me out...

sorry that was a bit long and blabberly... i just wanted to make the point that good things can come out of situations like this - expect the worst and hope for the best :smile:

Reply 10

Leigh

15

If he tries to initiate another evening like you had before, I'd make it clear that you're not just there for him to come to when he misses the affection he'd usually get from his girlfriend.
May seem silly turning him down when you want him a lot, but if you wan't to be in a relationship with him and not just some girl he hooks up with on occassion, you can't let yourself get into that sort of situation.

Reply 11

LoveMusic

1

I don't like the way he went back with her, after being with you.

He needs to wake-up and make some decisions

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