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Help needed with coming out.
Right, sorry for coming on anonymous but felt its only right as some people I know in real life read this forum.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
Just come out with it mate, your parents wont hate you for being gay. Parents cant stop loving you just because you're gay. Some people may find it weird, you may find some people already knew deep down. Dont worry about it, the way you plan to tell you parents wont be the way you end up doing it.
My friend told me and our close group of friends first - but still hasn't told his parents. As to who you want to tell - if you feel you're close enough to your friends to tell them this then I'd do so first, they'll almost certainly not reject you and will provide extra support for telling your parents. As I remember, my friend told me by saying "You know that girl I said I liked? Well she is actually a he..." He found it easier telling people after he'd admitted it once.
When you tell your parents, remember that they will love you no matter what, and to give them time to come to terms with it and understand your sexuality before being overtly gay and say, talking about the same sex in romantic terms.
Good luck.
When you tell your parents, remember that they will love you no matter what, and to give them time to come to terms with it and understand your sexuality before being overtly gay and say, talking about the same sex in romantic terms.
Good luck.
Anonymous
Right, sorry for coming on anonymous but felt its only right as some people I know in real life read this forum.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
Don't be so negative about what your parents will think; as long as they don't over react, there's no "trauma" to be had, unnecessary or not, it's not a big deal, and nothing they should get too worked up over.
As for the order in which you should tell people, that comes down to whichever way you feel comfortable. If the opportunity arises, go for it, don't shy away because it's not how you've planned. It'd probably be more stressful not planning an exact time and date, but just to wait until the right moment and coming out with it. If you don't think your parents will take it well, maybe tell the one you think will take it best, and ask them for advice on telling the other?
Reply 4
Okay thanks for everyone's help.
Reply 5
good luck!
The sad fact of the matter is that some people will reject you because of it. My manager recently came out as gay and he told his best friend from school and he hasn't heard from him since. You don't have to come out, just start kissing the same sex in random public places and pretty soon everyone will know and you won't have to say anything.
Reply 8
My friend who isnt my best friend came oout to me and although it was a shock I didnt mind at all it isnt how good a friend is if they accept u tho its jus the type of person they are but if itll make u happy do wats best for u just tell them and see it could be worse n if it dnt kill u itll make u stronger
ps i dnt like slypie
ps i dnt like slypie
Chase Me
The sad fact of the matter is that some people will reject you because of it. My manager recently came out as gay and he told his best friend from school and he hasn't heard from him since. You don't have to come out, just start kissing the same sex in random public places and pretty soon everyone will know and you won't have to say anything.
Probably the worst advice in the history of anything ever. Tell people, because then it'll be less of a shock and therefore less likely to hurt people. If my friend hadn't told me and I'd have found out in some other way, I'd have been quite upset, as I'd have felt that he didn't trust me enough. Coming out conventionally really is the best way.
And it's sad to hear about your manager, but the fact of the matter is, for the most part, the people who love you will love you anyway for who you are rather than which sex you like.
Reply 10
Hmm. It's a tough one. My gut instinct says that if people reject you because of your sexuality, then they have issues, not you, and therefore telling them is the best and really only option. Friends and family are there to support you. You never know; they might have sussed you out already but haven't brought up the subject with you.
Anonymous
Right, sorry for coming on anonymous but felt its only right as some people I know in real life read this forum.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
I'm 17, and ready to come out as gay to friends and family, but have no idea how to go about it. I'm so scared of what they will say, rejection, putting parents through trauma unnecessarily, but its necessary for my own happiness. Does anyone have any tips how to go about it? Should I tell a friend first in case parents reject it or should I tell parents first? any HELP appreciated.
I think you should tell your parents first, its natural to be scared of the rejection but atleast it will show who your true friends are.
Reply 12
I agree, it's very natural to be scared.
I recently came out to my Mum (Have yet to tell Dad) and have to say it was the best thing I have ever done. Very hard to do, but totally 100% worth it.
I told a friend, who I am close to and trusted very much first. She helped me a lot, someone to talk, someone who didn't judge me.
Ultimately it's about how you feel comfortable, and who you feel comfortable telling.
I wanted to tell my parents, but was scared, I fully admit. Then an online friend said something when I told them I was scared to tell. They said:
"But that will not change though, no matter how long you'll wait. "
Which made me realise, I just had to tell one day. A couple of days later I left a note to my Mum saying I wanted a chat some time soon in private, and came out in that chat with her.
I wish you the greatest luck, and remember, your parents will love you no matter what. Never be ashamed of who you are, and never be scared to admit your sexuality. It's a part of you. If anyone has a problem with your sexuality it's their problem, not yours.
I recently came out to my Mum (Have yet to tell Dad) and have to say it was the best thing I have ever done. Very hard to do, but totally 100% worth it.
I told a friend, who I am close to and trusted very much first. She helped me a lot, someone to talk, someone who didn't judge me.
Ultimately it's about how you feel comfortable, and who you feel comfortable telling.
I wanted to tell my parents, but was scared, I fully admit. Then an online friend said something when I told them I was scared to tell. They said:
"But that will not change though, no matter how long you'll wait. "
Which made me realise, I just had to tell one day. A couple of days later I left a note to my Mum saying I wanted a chat some time soon in private, and came out in that chat with her.
I wish you the greatest luck, and remember, your parents will love you no matter what. Never be ashamed of who you are, and never be scared to admit your sexuality. It's a part of you. If anyone has a problem with your sexuality it's their problem, not yours.
As much as I would advice you to tell your parents, I know its not easy ( mine doesn't know I'm Bi yet ). Now personally I am pretty certain my parents wouldnt judge me or anything, I'm more worried they would second-guess me.
I know a few people who have gone through significant trouble because their parents have been very conservative, religious or just not understood what it means. You may find it easier to tell one of them first. If you have any siblings you may also considder talking to them. The best way to tell your parents really will depend on your parents. There is no reason to expect them to react the same way as someone elses parents.
I know a few people who have gone through significant trouble because their parents have been very conservative, religious or just not understood what it means. You may find it easier to tell one of them first. If you have any siblings you may also considder talking to them. The best way to tell your parents really will depend on your parents. There is no reason to expect them to react the same way as someone elses parents.
Threadstarter - I'm in a similar position re telling parents, but the vast majority of my friends know im gay and I'd advise you to tell your friends BEFORE your parents, so that they can support you through [if you should require it] coming out to your parents. I think you need that essential support network that can be provided by friends.
red_roadkill
Threadstarter - I'm in a similar position re telling parents, but the vast majority of my friends know im gay and I'd advise you to tell your friends BEFORE your parents, so that they can support you through [if you should require it] coming out to your parents. I think you need that essential support network that can be provided by friends.
I'll second that. Being able to talk to someone about it has really helped my confidence and even got me thinking about when I should tell my parents. Just make sure its someone you can trust.
Reply 16
ok, well i imagine this situation has been as much of a mindf*** for you as it has for me and every one else going through the same thing 
it is difficult...
I told a friend who i found out was in the same situation as me first, before telling my parents, and we both kind of mutually helped each other through it.... although he had more support than I and a few more people to help him out, but all in all i think we came to the conclusion that it did help alot to have some one to talk to before and after you tell your parents.
However, if you dont have a really trusted friend that you want to confide in, I think just sitting down with mum (and probably dad second, tis personaly choice lol) and basically spitting it out is the way to go. Don't do what i did and go for the whole day "mum i need to speak to you.." "what is it" "oh.. nothing..". That is no good for the nerves :\
I know its far easier said than done, belive me, I was appsolutly bricking it, but you know what, it takes so much weight off you sholders finally doing it mate, and is 150% worth it, knowing you're no longer keeping it a secret. At the end of the day they are you parents, and they love you more than anything. Sexuallity in reality, really is such a non-issue, just like skin colour, and is just as much a part of you, and they arnt going to just stop loving you because of it....
More advise though, things move quickly afterwards, there will most certainly be some sort of questions so try and be prepared to explain somethings in some kind of clarity, it will help >_<
Other than that, just think, afterwards nothings holding you back, and its then time to get on with your life, being you, and proud of who YOU are
Good luck mr anonymous!!
it is difficult...I told a friend who i found out was in the same situation as me first, before telling my parents, and we both kind of mutually helped each other through it.... although he had more support than I and a few more people to help him out, but all in all i think we came to the conclusion that it did help alot to have some one to talk to before and after you tell your parents.
However, if you dont have a really trusted friend that you want to confide in, I think just sitting down with mum (and probably dad second, tis personaly choice lol) and basically spitting it out is the way to go. Don't do what i did and go for the whole day "mum i need to speak to you.." "what is it" "oh.. nothing..". That is no good for the nerves :\
I know its far easier said than done, belive me, I was appsolutly bricking it, but you know what, it takes so much weight off you sholders finally doing it mate, and is 150% worth it, knowing you're no longer keeping it a secret. At the end of the day they are you parents, and they love you more than anything. Sexuallity in reality, really is such a non-issue, just like skin colour, and is just as much a part of you, and they arnt going to just stop loving you because of it....
More advise though, things move quickly afterwards, there will most certainly be some sort of questions so try and be prepared to explain somethings in some kind of clarity, it will help >_<
Other than that, just think, afterwards nothings holding you back, and its then time to get on with your life, being you, and proud of who YOU are
Good luck mr anonymous!!
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