The Student Room Group

Relationships and Uni

Well I am applying for uni in september. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 24 and has a job in insurance. The trouble is I am not applying for a uni near home because I believe that uni is a chance to move away and see new things. However, we have been together for 2 years and I lovehim sooo much and vise-versa. I don't want to split up with him and I can't explain how good we are together ( and how god damn jealous my friends are lol joke). Seriously though I can't imagine being without him but I know that if I go to uni that long distance would not work. I will be making new friends and he will want to see me at weekends and stuff and travelling is very expensive and I am worried that I could not fully enjoy university, knowing that we cannot be together. There is a good thing, he has offered to move away with me and is even saving money each month ready for living together. DO you think this will work? Am I being selfish making him come with me ? I mean he has no family or anything to stay for because they all live away so he won't be missing them. It really hurts me to think of not being with him but my teacher said to me she did the same at uni and couldn't enjoy it fully because he was older and she wanted to go out with her uni friends. Are any of you in the same situation?
Let me know what you think :confused: :confused: :confused:
Reply 1
I have been in the same situation as you, my boyfriend came away with me to Uni and we rented a house together instead of living in accomodation (at the time I was 19 because I'd had a gap year). We are still together now (3 years later) and although its been hard at times, aslong as you stick together and keep talking, you should be fine. But you both need to be committed to make things work. Uni wise, living with my boyfriend hasnt stopped me doing anything Ive wanted to do, but I suppose it depends on your relationship and how much you trust each other. Perhaps you need to sit down and have a long chat about what you both want to do and go from there.
me and my boyfriend started off as a bit of a long-distance relationship - hes at uni now, and im wishing i'd applied to a uni closer to his.. but i didnt know then that we'd be going out...
we are in love - bigstyle - even though we've only been goin out a couple of months - if you feel the same way i feel about my bf, then whatever you decide to do im sure it will work - we've got to wait 7 years before we can move in together (stupid long vet course lol) but i know we're gonna stick through it, just seeing each other at weekends and holidays for all of those years... i think once you've found someone like that who loves you and you love - to a point thats beyond describing - whatever you do will work out in the end - as long as your both supportive of one another :smile:
I think you'll miss out on quite a lot by not living in halls, isn't it possible that he could get a house/flat close to where your hall would be? That way, you could enjoy your hall life and still have your boyfriend close by. I find living in hall to be an important part of the uni experience and have a friend who lives at home whilst going to uni, she feels that she misses out on so much. There are so many crazy things which happen in the day and night, and not only that but you make such better friends when you are living with them.
You could live with him the next year when it's time to move out of halls and find your own place.
Reply 4
I love my boyfriend dearly, and we have a long-distance relationship (he's in France, I'm in England).
Although we miss each other terribly, in some ways it's good for me to be away from him. If he was here all the time, I would probably just want to spend all my free time with him and I wouldn't bother going out and doing other things. (I'm in 10 societies here at uni!!)
So...I would say don't live with him, but go into halls and have a good time. If he's still up for coming with you and living nearby then that's probably the best option.
Plus...without trying to be negative...what if you moved in together and then broke up? You'd be stuck for accommodation and a social life.
Reply 5
If the relationship is strong enough, it will survive.
I started uni with a boyfriend at home of two and a half years. We'd been very happy all that time but our relationship gradually disintegrated over my first year of uni. I felt like trying to keep it going was an imposition on my uni life and that the distance was too much to handle, so we broke up at the beginning of the summer and I was determined to come back to uni single.
Then, at the end of the summer, I met someone who, completely unexpectedly, I fell for. We've now been together for 5 months and see each other nearly every weekend (I used to go weeks and months at a time without seeing my ex). He's just as far away as my ex was, but because this relationship is better for me it just isn't an issue - I focus on uni work and my friends here whilst he's away, and then love every second of being together at weekends and holidays. It does make you appreciate the time you spend together even more and knowing my boyfriend is just at the end of the phone is a huge support.
The point is, distance will definitely reveal the cracks in a floundering relationship, but if you two are unbreakable, the time apart can only make you stronger.
Reply 6
thank you everyone, I really appreciate all your advice. It is good to know that other people have the same experiences too, sometimes it feels like it is just you. The idea about living in halls with him close is good, do you know if it is only single people they allow in halls? Can couples stay in halls. I suppose with the new law for civil partnerships, my boyfriend and I would have to be married to qualify?
Reply 7
I think you'd have the same problem if you lived in a couples/family room in halls to be honest. If you stayed together there would be the danger of you not going out and meeting new people enough. If you broke up it would be awkward for you both to be in shared accommodation with no way out for the forseeable future due to the contract.
Plus, remember he's a 24-year-old businessman. He won't exactly impress his business partners if he invites them round for a couple of drinks at 'his room in halls'. If he's been used to living in a house then that might be quite difficult for him to give up the independence.