The Student Room Group

i am so boring

hi, i feel so ashamed of this, as i dont think anyone has mentioned this b4 and i feel like im the only person who is like this. ok here goes:
basically, i used to only ever have one best friend at a time, like didnt bother with ne one else exept my best friends. then i gradually became part of a group, but stil had onebest friend. i used to be able to talk openly about wotever came into my head. now im at uni tho, i feel so boring. i have nothing to say to people and i can sense how bored people are wen talking to me. i just dont understand. im quite shy, but i am a social person and would love to be able to have a chat with someone, but wenever i try-with anyone, there always seems to be such awkward silences. it seems like they too have nothing to say to me :s-smilie: which makes me feel quite bad. all conversations seem forced andnot atural. i just dont have anything in my head to say that would be of interest. i ty asking questions in conversations but after the questions have been asked..theres nothing to say. sorry for such a ramble but its really getting me down as im starting to avoid even simple things like going into the kitchen to get dinner wen others are there, as ill have nothing to say. its worse wen theres only one person, im usually fine if theres say three of us. its weird. ne ideas/tips on whats wrong with me? or wot i could do to help matters? :confused:
Reply 1
Two words: self esteem.

And also confidence are major factors in social situations. But maybe these people just aren't *your* type of people. If not then try and mingle in other circles.

Where do you go to uni btw?
Reply 2
i go to leeds! umm nah cus ive been mixin with loads of diff people. its weird tho cus i feel totally confortable wen with two other people, just wen im on my own with one other person i have no idea wot to say. o wel I SPOSE I CUD TRY talskin to even moredifferent people. also i seem to make a really good 1st impression..im good with meetin new people, but then it all goes down hil wen i get to no them! oddness!
Reply 3
'You could talk about the most interesting topic in the world but only you can see it forced'.
I'm totally the same aka i have one very best friend but am part of a larger group and am quite shy so i also found going to uni quite difficult. Are these your only friends at uni? It sounds like you don't have alot in common with these people so prehaps you could join some societies and try to make new friends that you have more in common with and that you feel more comfortable with. But don't worry prehaps you'll feel more relaxed with them in time to come as it often takes me a while to feel at ease with people.
Reply 5
I agree a lot of it is probably confidence and self-esteem, but I think the best way to tackle those problems is to tackle this conversation problem directly.

Firstly, if you think you aren't an interesting person to talk to, try to broaden your interests so you've got more to talk about, try listening to more music, reading newspapers and watching more tv (but not too much), things like music and what was on tv last night are often hot topics of conversation, though it depends on the people you're around I guess.

Also, try planning conversations in advance if you find coming up with things off the top of your head difficult. As you go through your day, if you notice something that interests you, make a note of it in your mind and then you'll have something you can ask other people about their opinions on later.

I'm not saying you should change who you are or start obsessively making notes of stuff to talk about, all I'm saying is if you make it so you feel like you've got more to talk about, then you'll be more confident to actually talk about it.
Reply 6
It's definitely down to confidence, I am very similar, I can be a total chatterbox with people similar to me and have endless conversations, but with people not my type, it is normally restricted to a few words and it must seem like watching paint dry just talking to me - firstly find confidence in yourself by talking in situations where you are comfortable, and gradually try to face more and more difficult situations. If you want psychological techniques, one is to repeatedly imagine how you feel in a comfortable situation, and recreate it in an imagined situation which you find uncomfortable - eventually you can rewire your perceptions so that you can be confident with more people. From personal experience, this feeling stems from a young age and whether you were sociable or not. If you weren't, and people weren't often interested in what you said, your brain perceives a situation with new people as "these people are on a totally different plane to me, it's not even worth talking to them because they will hardly be interested". This process can become so natural to your psychology that in can totally ruin your confidence, and being in this mindset makes you sound more forced and less confident, thus creating a vicious cycle. A way to counter it is to realise that these are merely perceptions you have created and assume people will be interested in what you say. Building confidence can take a long time and with it will come assertiveness - I can guess that if you have a problem, you will most likely find it difficult to say to another person for fear of how they may react, or avoid the person altogether. Confidence coaching and building of self esteem is available as well.