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Girlfriends/Boyfriends/University

Hi

I was wondering if anyone on here has yet experienced the dilemma of having to leave your girlfriend/boyfriend behind whilst you go to university - to the effect of maybe only seeing them in the holidays or else if you sneak a weekend away in term time.

Only I will be going to university in a year or so and (I know it sounds stupid) do not know what I will do if I have to leave my girlfriend behind.
I know it must sound really sad but learning is my life and I want it to also be my future life.
I would be incredibly depressed if I did not go to university and to be honest do not know what I would do.
Herein begins the dilemma...
I happen to have a girlfriend who I really love and have been with for quite a long time and can't help feeling that I would miss her a lot if I was at university and she stayed at home.

What should I do?
Has anyone else been in this situation?
If so, what route did you take and how did it work out?

Incidently there are no universities where I live so it's not a case of me simply going to a university that's closer to where I live - I will always have to fly to get home.

PLEASE someone help me :frown:

Thanks in advance.

Reply 1

pumpkin7

13

ask her to move with you.. it's a big step but if it feels right and she can go with you, then why not?

meh i don't know.

Reply 2

lady

my boyfriend is at university and i am left at home with another year to go in 6th from until i get to go to uni, and its not as bad as you first think its going to be, honestly. I probably see my boyfriend every 5 weeks on average and even though we've had our ups and downs we are still together and getting through it. It can be done so dont give up before you even get to it!

Reply 3

pumpkin7

13

i'm so glad my boyfriend is going to a uni which is uber close.. i can get on a bus and be with him in a matter of minutes.

Reply 4

HiPhOpEr

i haven't been in such of situation but in my opinion you have to look for what is really important for ya.. learing or your gf.. you probably will say both.. but agree with me that gf isn't something constant.. and i think you will change gfs many times.. but education.. man it's for you whole life.. think about it..
( maybe it's easy for me to talk.. but this is my opinion.. you can disagree or agree )
or.. try to find something that will educate you and will give you the free time to be with your gf

Reply 5

Angelil

19

Give the long-distance thing a go. I know someone whose girlfriend is on her year abroad in America and he only sees her once every three months.
I only see my boyfriend once a month if I'm lucky, what with us living in different countries and all.
If your relationship is strong enough it will last. If it ends, chances are it will be because of deeper problems than distance. Good luck buddy :smile:

Reply 6

oh god, I am so tired of these the same threads, you know if you are interested in that, you should not ask people and waste their time, there is a magic button SEARCH all u have to do is to type a keyword, and find evrth, trust me there are millions of threads like that and zillions of opinions, so you will spend like the whole night to read them all.
I am sorry if i sound rude, but this started to really piss me off, when people are lazy even to search!!!!!!

Reply 7

Dav'

^ Haha, i know dude, but everyone has different situations, but i understand it can get annoying.

Back on topic.

I'm slightly in the same situation, i myself are going to University next year, but so is my girlfriend, who i've been with for near 4 months. (Not long but we see eachother everyday and shes not only my g.f but best friend.)
Well anyway, Im off to Nottingham Trent (if i get the grades) and she to Falmouth.
I know it aint going to be pretty moving away, **** man im brickin' it just the thought of moving to a strange area, aswell as missing someone i love.
Long Distance relationships can work, its a test of your faith and comitment to that person. If they truely love you, they'l get in contact with you as much as they can, letter/phone/email. and visa versa.
If you want to stay with that person, then just think of the good times, and not whats is ahead of you (the thought of you/them leaving)
Think how good it'll be to see them during the weekends or holidays.

I cant be arsed go on anymore, but you get the idea...hopefully.

Reply 8

ProfessorFitBoy

OP

2

Thanks for all the responses - it really has helped me to clear my head and realise that I am not alone.
I really do appreciate it. :smile:

Anyone else?

Reply 9

Simba

16

My boyfriend will be going to university this coming year, and I'm a bit worried about that. I don't get to see him often as it is, but I may get to see him less often even if he's at university. I understand how you feel; I can see how it would be very hard, but stick with it! Love will find a way :smile:

...

Reply 10

Elusive Moose

1

My boyfriend's at university in Bristol at the moment, whilst I'm doing my last year of sixth form. We're lucky as it's not so far away, plus his brother's at the same university, with a car and in the same situation with his girlfriend at Reading, so he comes home quite frequently. I'm not going to lie, though, at first it's tough, especially when you're used to them living five doors away and seeing them frequently. You soon get used to it though- phones, texting and msn makes life a lot easier and it just makes you appreciate the time you're together a lot more. We've had our ups and downs, but it's been worth it.

I think it's probably going to be harder when (*fingers crossed*) I go to university as well next year, and have more of a social/separate life. But we'll see what happens.

But it is possible :smile:

Reply 11

lovelee-jublee

12

I'm going to Uni in September but my boyfriend will be staying at home. Luckily my preffered choice is only about 30 minutes away by car, quicker on train, so I'm close enough to come home whenever I want and he can visit often too. I've decided I want to try and live in halls first on my own, but then in my 2nd 3rd and 4th years we're going to consider geting a flat together. I know we're only going to be a short distance apart, but I still worry what it will be like for us. I'm sure we'll be fine, and I'm sure you will be too. As long as you tell your gf your plans and you're both open, you should be able to work something out.

Reply 12

AlbelNox

5

I'm going to uni in September, whereas my boyfriend is 28 lol, so he's clearly staying around where we live now. I do worry i'm going to miss him alot, but we're going to try to see each other every 2/3 weeks term time (if i get accommodation where i can bring a car, then every week as i'll keep my job, then for holidays (reading week, a month at christmas, another reading week, month at easter, 3 months(ish) summer) i'll be at home anyway. I think as long as you don't prioritise your new friends and lifestyle over your g/f your relationship would be ok, that's the main thing my b/f was worried about :smile:

From what my friends have told me loads of people go to uni with someone they love who's gone elsewhere/ still at home, and the ones that last are the ones who keep in contact and sacrifice a weekend every few weeks to see each other :smile:

Reply 13

MrBroked

Most uni's let you have someone over for 3/4 times a week i think. Make use of those days and hever them stay round?

One of my friends goes to Westminster and her boyfriend lives in Cardiff, and he goes over on Thursday and then home Sunday night. Also, my girlfriend wants to do the same thing when she goes off next year.

Makes good practice for living in the same house together after uni, if thats what you're after, too.

Reply 14

Helenia

20

ProfessorFitBoy

Thanks for all the responses - it really has helped me to clear my head and realise that I am not alone.
I really do appreciate it. :smile:

Anyone else?

Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to offer a slightly less optimistic approach compared with everyone else. This isn't just addressed to you though, so don't take it personally.

Worrying about these things now is silly. You have another 8 or 9 months before you will go away, and at 18, a lot can happen in a relationship in that time. I would bet that some of you won't be with the bfs/gfs that you love so very very much right now, by the time you go away.

Secondly, university is a big life change. You meet tonnes of new people, you will have your first taste of living independently and you'll be somewhere new. This changes people a lot. While having a gf/bf at home is all well and good, dragging your heels and spending all your time missing them/going back to see them is just going to make you not enjoy your uni experience. Similarly, unless you're really, really stable, asking them to move in with you is a big step at that age.

Associated with this life change is the fact that a lot of relationships at our age don't last anyway, and adding the long-distance part just puts extra strain on. Whether through infidelity, not spending enough time together, or simply people growing up and changing, most of you will split up. I don't want everyone who hasn't yet split up with their other halves at uni to jump up and deny this - MOST people do not last. It's a nasty fact, but there you go.

Above all, don't let judgements over a relationship now cloud your looking forward to your university life in the future.

Reply 15

Segat1

16

^^Helenia, I love you.

And to the poster who said use the search button : lol

Until I came to the UK, I had never come across this problem - in Australia, if you go to another uni than your boyf/girlf, it is generally accepted as sensbile for you to break up whilst you are apart. Yes, there are exeptions but none of this "move in with her" or what am I going to do without her.

You're 18. You are not even nearly beginning to find out about being an adult and certainly about relationships. Your twenties are the time when you grow up and change so much, and twin that with uni... wow. I made my uni decision based on where my boyfriends was going to be, got there and promptly broke up with him. You've got to think about what and where YOU want to be in the future, what your goals are. PM me for more info if you fancy

Reply 16

shinyhappy

14

ProfessorFitBoy

Hi

I was wondering if anyone on here has yet experienced the dilemma of having to leave your girlfriend/boyfriend behind whilst you go to university - to the effect of maybe only seeing them in the holidays or else if you sneak a weekend away in term time.

Only I will be going to university in a year or so and (I know it sounds stupid) do not know what I will do if I have to leave my girlfriend behind.
I know it must sound really sad but learning is my life and I want it to also be my future life.
I would be incredibly depressed if I did not go to university and to be honest do not know what I would do.
Herein begins the dilemma...
I happen to have a girlfriend who I really love and have been with for quite a long time and can't help feeling that I would miss her a lot if I was at university and she stayed at home.

What should I do?
Has anyone else been in this situation?
If so, what route did you take and how did it work out?

Incidently there are no universities where I live so it's not a case of me simply going to a university that's closer to where I live - I will always have to fly to get home.

PLEASE someone help me :frown:

Thanks in advance.

Heya,
Well, I haven't had to go off to uni and leave someone behind, but I've been on the other side of it - boyfriend going off to uni.
He's about 100 miles away, and I don't get to see him much during term time, but it makes you appriciate the 3 month summer holidays, and a month at easter and Xmas...
In fact, when you think about it, you're only away just over half the time - so if you make the most of the time you have at home, it can be just as good. In some ways I've found that it enhances our relationship - makes things so much more special and explosive, when we do see each other after several weeks apart.
It also makes you treasure msn.
Best bit of advice I can give though, is use it as an excuse to write lots of long love letters etc.. :P
And also, make sure that you settle in well at uni. If you spend too much time worrying about/ missing her, you wont' enjoy yourself, and she'll pick up on the fact that you're unhappy, and she will be too.
If you love each other, it will stay strong. You can go home some weekends, and she would hopefully be able to go visit you at uni!
:smile:

Best of luck anyway. PM me if you want to chat.
xxx

Reply 17

warranty-ideal

12

My gf is going out the country on missionary work for 9 months whilst im in my first year of uni. That's gonna suck so much.

Reply 18

faffers

Well i wouldn't worry too much about the distance thing. I started going out with my boyfriend a couple of weeks before we both went to uni this year. I go to Aston and he's at Oxford, and we still see eachother most weekends. Long distance relationships are hard, but definately worth a go. I can't believe how well it's worked out for me, because i was always sceptical of them. But yeah, give it a go! Good luck.

Reply 19

wednesburywench

2

honestly try it out, go where you want to uni, you wont regret it, its not as bad as you first think, you learn to live with it, altho not ideal, im still very much just as in love with my boyfriend as before, and he is with me. We see each other every 4 weeks aswell as holidays...they come round surprisingly fast so give it a go :smile:

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my boyfriend goes to aston too faffers, where r u stayin?