Confidence

Hey,

Sorry for the lack of a decent title, wasn't sure how best to describe it. First off, a little about me - i'm 18, just started university, never had any decent relationship, at least not past about Y8-9 (13-14 years old?).

I think I have confidence issues mainly - i'm definately not the best looker, and I could do with losing a few pounds, but i'm not *that* bad overall in my opinion. I was really confident (could quite easily do acting in school plays and stuff) until this one girl who seemed intent on destroying my confidence.

(i'll add, this was the same sorta time - 14 years old) - fair enough, she probably didn't intend to to it, and we were just kids, but I was infatuated, and she got me to do everything for her, saying it was to proove I fancied her - the final straw was when she told me to ask her out in front of the whole class and she'd say yes. I did, in front of 35 people and she said no (yes, stupid thing to do, but I was only 14 )

Its never affected me conciously, but after getting humiliated over that for about a year (and on off till I left that school), I couldn't face up to asking people out again, so I just didn't.

Theres also a very complicated backstory involving another two of my friends, that happened about a year ago and knocked me further, but I don't think the details are relevant.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I still have no confidence - I feel lonely, although not to depressed levels.

I also get worried that when I meet someone, I'm going to come off really badly - one of my flatmates asked if I had a problem with them, as (shortening) whenever they've been 'touchy-feely' with me, i've not reciprocated - its not that I don't want to, I'm just scared i'll misjudge the situation, I just feigned illness and said I was feeling a bit off.

I'm not quite sure why i'm posting this, its 4:15am, I do wierd things when i'm tired. Anybody have any tips or ideas on how I can achieve any of the following (possibly linked?)

1) Gain confidence
2) Meet women (and approach them... I can't even think about talking to someone in a group)
3) Talk to people in general without sounding wooden (I'm OK with people I know)

Anyway, apologies for the long winded post, I've just been feeling a bit down the past week, and don't have anyone I can talk to offline (another of my problems, i'm so closed now that people think I'm being cold - but another story for another day!)

edit: can the title be changed to confidence?

When you meet people for the first time smile, be interested in what they have to say and make 'small talk' a little bit, which'll then develope. If you find yourself stuck for things to say ask them questions about themselves (What music are you into? Where are you from originally then? How do you know x the host?Have you been to x on a Wednesday night yet? The beer's only 50p there ...) This will divert the attention away from any tonguetiedness (that a word?) you might be feeling, plus people love taking about themselves as they're experts in that field. They'll be flattered and you'll come off as good conversationalist, interested etc. (as long as you don't bombard them with qs like What was your first pet?/Do tyou support the Lib Dems etc.? which'd just be Inquisition-stylee.) Ooh, and when they give any answers you can use use these little nuggets as a 'hook' into the next thing.. ie. 'I'm into Indie' 'Have you heard the latestx album' 'Yeah, though I don't think it's as good as...' Bingo! Conversation!

As for women, myself being a young one, I would say: You see them & think 'Ooh, fancy a bit of her, ' or whatever blokes think, make eye contact a little bit from across room if you're in a club/ bar and if she looks back/smiles or whatever reciprocate. (I find confidence to do this really sexy personally.) If/ when she approaches bar to get a drink try and start a conversation or just smile at her more. In club, whatever you do (!) don't just shimmy up behind said laydee and start grinding your crotch against her. That doesn't make women collapse at your feet and start begging 'Take me now',contrary to some guys beliefs. At a house party or whatever just start up a chat and offer to top up her glass.

PS: If you're not confident, fake it. I know plenty of seemignly confident friends who just 'walk the walk', you'll just start to act like it naturally then.

Sorry if the advice is a bit general mate, it's early and I've just woken up! I'm sure you're an interesting, nice bloke though. Just have confidence in what you say and do and people will appreciate you for yourself. As previous post said laydees obvioulsy like you if all touchy feely (wink wink nudge nudge!) Goodluck honey xxx