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Not telling people about Oxbridge

When asked about which universities you're applying to, has anyone else found themselves somehow missing out oxbridge, because you're 'embarassed' of it somehow.

I've done it a couple of times now, not to teachers or friends or anything, just to like other people, like people where I work at my part time job and neighbours and so on. I don't know why I'm doing it, sometimes it's just because I don't want them being all silly saying stuff like 'wow, impressive', but other times I genuinely feel like they would think less of me or at least that they would see me differently.

Do you think it's bad that I'm embarrassed of my 'success' as it were. Do any of you do this sometimes?

[EDIT] I did get an offer btw so it's not like I don't want people finding about a rejection anything, it is literally the whole 'success' thing that embarasses me. Maybe it's because I come from a more 'non-university' background.

Reply 1

FadeToBlackout

15

As far as some people at home know, I'm at Durham! Like my barber... well, I was sitting in the chair in front of a load of chavs, I'm hardly going to say "Cambridge"! Seriously, I don't tell anyone about it. if they ask, I do, but only then. Anything other than that, IMO, is bragging.

Reply 2

**noooni**

3

I do that all the time! I hate doing it but i know that i only do it because i am so paraniod. Before getting an offer i didnt tell ANYONE outside school that i applied because i thought i stood no chance and i didnt want them to think that and judge me. Now i have told some poeple but when anyone else asks i miss out Cambridge, i dont know why , i almost feel like they are going to judge me and think i dont deserve an offer as everyone knows someone 'with 5 A's and still rejected' and because my grades were not like that i sort of feel like i dont deserve an offer and a bit guilty about having one. All in all i need psychological help! :biggrin:

ALso i get really embarrassed when people do the whole 'wooow cambridge' especialy at school - i dont understand how some poeple have the confidence to take pride in comments like that and enjoy it. Also because my school/family doesnt have a history of sending people to uni i dont want to be seen as pretentious even though i am not.

Reply 3

Alan Smithee

Be proud of it.

Reply 4

dancingqueen

11

I've been here for 3 years now and still feel embarrassed when talking about it at home, usually where I work. Because most of the people there work full-time in catering and haven't got that many qualifications, I think they think I'm a snob, even though I never talk about it unless anyone asks me directly where I go! They automatically assume I went to private school and have rich parents (neither is true!) and that everyone in my family went to uni (again, not true, neither of my parents went). The funny thing is, I went to the same local comprehensive as some of their kids, and a couple have said to me 'How did you manage to get in when you only went to xxxx school?'. Some people have really outdated views of the whole admissions process I think.
At work, one woman wouldn't talk to me after she found out I was at Oxford, because she said I couldn't be 'normal' and must be 'too big for my boots'! :eek:

Reply 5

random123

OP

2

^ That is exactly what I'm saying, I'm not even there yet and I'm scared to tell people where I work because, like where you work, they would think I'm a snob. The problem is I'm starting to feel like there are already people who think I'm 'too big for my boots'.

Also I say I don't mind telling people at school, but I get the impression that some of them (usually the ones who either won't be going to uni or will be going to old polytechnic ones) are starting to think I'm being a bit snobby. I just keep laughing things off and saying "I probably won't get the grades anyway" or "I'm not going to accept it", even though I have the full intention of going. I'm getting worried it could turn into a bigger issue and eventually none of the people in my home town will want to know me, lol.

Reply 6

Haze1412

**noooni**

I do that all the time! I hate doing it but i know that i only do it because i am so paraniod. Before getting an offer i didnt tell ANYONE outside school that i applied because i thought i stood no chance and i didnt want them to think that and judge me. Now i have told some poeple but when anyone else asks i miss out Cambridge, i dont know why , i almost feel like they are going to judge me and think i dont deserve an offer as everyone knows someone 'with 5 A's and still rejected' and because my grades were not like that i sort of feel like i dont deserve an offer and a bit guilty about having one. All in all i need psychological help! :biggrin:

ALso i get really embarrassed when people do the whole 'wooow cambridge' especialy at school - i dont understand how some poeple have the confidence to take pride in comments like that and enjoy it. Also because my school/family doesnt have a history of sending people to uni i dont want to be seen as pretentious even though i am not.

Ditto the whole of that ! :p:

Reply 7

**noooni**

3

Joe_87

I just keep laughing things off and saying "I probably won't get the grades .

Thats my favourit phrase at the moment!
I think i say it about 6 times a day

Reply 8

HannahZ

4

Joe_87

"I probably won't get the grades anyway"

What will you say to them if you do get your grades?

...'wooow cambridge'...

Why do people always say "wooow Cambridge" and then go silent and look at you as though you are some kind of alien? Why should it be any different from going to Bristol or Warwick? There must be something mythical about Oxbridge. :confused:

Reply 9

clouddweller

i feel the same way :p:

; if i do tell people i say it at the end of the list (one time i wasnt going to say it at all but my friend helpfully piped up 'and oxford kate, dont forget oxford') which of course made me look even more arrogant.
i agree about the getting the grades as well though, i got AAAC at AS and people have looked at me in the past as if that C should totally have kept me out.....

the people i work with are fine though, they just find it hugely amusing that i got an offer yet failed my driving theory test. Actually, people found that funny when i was at interview too.... :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Cirsium

19

Nope I know exactly how you feel. I oscillate between being really proud I'm here and somehow slightly self-conscious about it. Like I remember just before we came away the girls met up for coffee one last time and the manager at the starbucks was chatting away to us and asking us where we were all off too and I was just like :blush:

. But actually it was kinda funny cos when I admitted I was coming here it turned out he used to live in Oxford and he was giving me the low-down on which Starbucks is the best :wink:

Reply 11

georgecrabbe

3

I know what you mean as well. I sort of say, "I am going to university" and wait for them to ask which one. Then I look all bashful and say Oxford. Hehehe.

Reply 12

dancingqueen

11

georgecrabbe

I know what you mean as well. I sort of say, "I am going to university" and wait for them to ask which one. Then I look all bashful and say Oxford. Hehehe.

Lots of my friends from home will say 'I'm studying Law at Leeds' or whatever, whereas I just say I'm doing chemistry. If they ask I tell them the uni, but some people think it's arrogant if you say you go to Oxford, even though someone else going to a really good uni, such as Durham, probably wouldn't hesitate in saying it. It's not really my problem, because I'm not ashamed of the fact I go here and it hasn't changed me one bit! :biggrin:

Reply 13

kellywood_5

17

I know what you mean. When people at school asked me about uni, I just said I was applying for languages and if they asked where, I listed my other 5 and then just kind of stuck Cambridge in at the end. Not many people know I got an offer either. My parents, my brother, my head of year, my form tutor, a few of my subject teachers and a few friends know, but I only told them because they asked, otherwise I don't mention it. Like others here, I go to a normal comprehensive and my family has no tradition of even going to uni, let alone Cambridge, so I feel a bit weird about it.

Reply 14

Mr. Pink

1

I find that sometimes when you tell someone you got an offer from oxbridge, they look at you as if you've told them they are stupid. I hate that, and i really avoid the topic of universities with people i don't know now, cuz, many people have a very bad impression of oxbridge people, that i don't believe is me, or even true for anyone.

i just realized the worst situation: when someone who knew you applied asks if you got in, then if you say yes they say "you must be a genius or something". the only thing i can think of is "no, i'm clearly not, i just got really lucky"

Reply 15

ThePants999

14

Or how about "well, they take about six thousand people a year..."

Reply 16

FadeToBlackout

15

Just shout out, "Positive discrimination works!". I do...

Seriously, i do try and play it down. Although ahving a friend of mine announce at the top of his voice, "You're going to CAMBRIDGE!" at the checkouts in Morrisons at the end of the last vac when i was saying my goodbyes to people was very embarrassing...

Reply 17

kalen

8

dancingqueen

...I think they think I'm a snob, even though I never talk about it unless anyone asks me directly where I go! They automatically assume I went to private school and have rich parents (neither is true!) and that everyone in my family went to uni (again, not true, neither of my parents went). The funny thing is, I went to the same local comprehensive as some of their kids, and a couple have said to me 'How did you manage to get in when you only went to xxxx school?'. Some people have really outdated views of the whole admissions process I think.

LOL!!! That's me!!! And, man, for me it's even worse when I go back to Italy because Italians automatically assume that going to Oxford = private school = lots of money = snob, as they think you can buy your way anywhere and only with money :rolleyes:

So I can't stand saying it...IF they ask and I answer, it usually comes out like "Uhmm, well,Oxford". I usually just say that I study in England...But I've got a friend who's got this annoying habit of being like a parrot who can say only "Oxford, Oxford, Oxfoooord, she goes to Oxfoooooord" when we meet, say, ex schoolmates or people we know but don't hang out with and I'd like to crawl under a rock and wait for them to leave.

It's a shame though, cause I'm proud of being here, but because of the stereotype most people have you have to be ashamed of being proud of your achievements.

Reply 18

thomasjtl

9

am i the only one who has parents who don't really want them to go to Oxbridge? My Dad has been pretty supportive, but i'm very aware that he's worried that i'll turn out like some of the complete arses that who went to cambridge that he's worked with, or else that i'll get a 2:1 from oxford, when i could have got a 1st elsewhere.

Reply 19

kellywood_5

17

thomasjtl

am i the only one who has parents who don't really want them to go to Oxbridge? My Dad has been pretty supportive, but i'm very aware that he's worried that i'll turn out like some of the complete arses that who went to cambridge that he's worked with, or else that i'll get a 2:1 from oxford, when i could have got a 1st elsewhere.

It's not that my parents don't want me to go, but they keep saying things like 'you've done brilliantly just to get this far', 'Bristol and Exeter are great unis', 'Cambridge isn't necessarily the best', 'it's not the end of the world if you don't get the grades' etc etc. I know they're probably just trying to be supportive, but it would be nice if they showed a bit more faith in me instead of focusing on me not getting AAA!

Not telling people about Oxbridge

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