Too idealistic

I really can't stand the idea of a bf having been in a really close and intimate relationship before me. I've just had to turn down someone because of it because I think apart from him possibly carrying emotional baggage, the relationship just wouldn't feel special for me. Am I being completely unreasonable??

Aside from that, how am I even supposed to know about someone's past before I get into a relationship? It seems too personal and embarrassing to ask a friend. But then for something so important to me it seems a bit late to ask when I am in the relationship.

Reply 1

wendizzle22

1

If you're young it's possible that you'll find people that haven't been in real relationships, but this will get increasingly difficult as you get older. It's not completely unreasonable to worry that someone might be somehow affected by their past relationships, but if you like them as a person their past has shaped that personality.
If they're truly over their past partners then I'm sure there'd be no negative effects on your relationship with them, and they wouldn't go on about them all the time. It's a bit cliched but true, they broke up with their ex for a reason!

Reply 2

Segat1

16

Anonymous

I really can't stand the idea of a bf having been in a really close and intimate relationship before me. I've just had to turn down someone because of it because I think apart from him possibly carrying emotional baggage, the relationship just wouldn't feel special for me. Am I being completely unreasonable??

Aside from that, how am I even supposed to know about someone's past before I get into a relationship? It seems too personal and embarrassing to ask a friend. But then for something so important to me it seems a bit late to ask when I am in the relationship.

Yes, you're being unreasonable and selfish. Who are you to decide whther or not someone who MIGHT POSSIBLY have baggage from a previous relationship negates them from having a loving relationship with you?? What makes you so special?

The beauty of relationships is that their pasts don't matter - it's the present that counts and if you can't get over someone's past then I recommend you take a good look in the mirror, as nobody is perfect.

Oh, and why is this anon?

Reply 3

warranty-ideal

12

In a word, yes. Sorry for being harsh but every relationship is different, no guy or girl with any depth to them REALLY compares one good relationship with another; I think you're being neurotic, give yourself some credit... dont you think you could be special to someone even if someone else was special to them in times gone by? A past relationship is an experience that shapes who we are... it doesnt neccessarily have to be 'baggage'.

just my 2p.

Reply 4

Dramatic Star

2

Argh this is a difficult one because I can really see where you're coming from. I've been quite lucky in that my relationship that I am in now has been the closest both of us have ever had so that eases my mind a little. However, I don't like it when he briefly mentions an ex. I make it a rule not to mention mine because I know how I would feel if I was in his position. Most guys these days have been in an intimate relationship before & you just need to come to terms with that. He's with you now, surely that's a good enough reason to forget.

Reply 5

username30638

13

Anonymous

I really can't stand the idea of a bf having been in a really close and intimate relationship before me. I've just had to turn down someone because of it because I think apart from him possibly carrying emotional baggage, the relationship just wouldn't feel special for me. Am I being completely unreasonable??

Aside from that, how am I even supposed to know about someone's past before I get into a relationship? It seems too personal and embarrassing to ask a friend. But then for something so important to me it seems a bit late to ask when I am in the relationship.

Sorry, but yes you are. I can see where you're coming from, but unless you start going out with 12 year olds you're probably going to have to wait a hell of a long time for someone who fits your ideal.

Reply 6

glitterlust

Dramatic Star

Argh this is a difficult one because I can really see where you're coming from. I've been quite lucky in that my relationship that I am in now has been the closest both of us have ever had so that eases my mind a little. However, I don't like it when he briefly mentions an ex. I make it a rule not to mention mine because I know how I would feel if I was in his position. Most guys these days have been in an intimate relationship before & you just need to come to terms with that. He's with you now, surely that's a good enough reason to forget.

yep i understand what u mean...i wouldnt let it stop me from going out with someone..unless they had been with one of my friends..then id have to think carefully bout any adverse effects. but the thought does run through my head as to what really happended before me..n it did get to me at the start..but i never found out the truth as i knew id over think it n get upset...its the present that counts...the past is the past...u cant hold it against him forever.....

Too idealistic

Related discussions

Articles for you