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please give me advice - my bf cheated on his long term gf - with me!
hello all
i really need some advice as i have no idea what to do.im very grateful for any ideas you have, especially as i have exams tomorrow and cant concentrate.
anyway. i met this guy at uni. we started dating etc, and i did make it clear to him from the start that i do not believe in sex before marriage. he did put alot of pressure on me, everyday to get me to change my mind.i did not(fortunately). on christmas eve, he phoned me to say his sister found a text from me on his phone and got mad at him because he had not broken up with his ex, who was her best mate. apparantly she lost her virginity with him, they had known each other for a yr and only sort of split cos he was going uni.
he then said, if i could offer to have a 'complete relationship' with him he'd stay with me not her (ie one with sex) i declined, and so we broke up. he then said my decision was selfish, and was not fair to withold that from him
this was around xmas. now yesterday he has told me that he put pressure on me to sleep with him,knowing i'd say no and eventually break up with him because he had never had a fight with his long term gf. in fact they were always together happily, and he just had me on the side. he says all the pressure was to get me so upset i'd leave. i know this is untrue cos one evening i was cryng cos he wouldnt listen to me when i asked him to stop physically, and i tried to split from him but he took me out to dinner to make up.
apparantly as well, his long term gf has never had sex with him either, though they have done much more physically than i have (i just kissed him alot).
what do you think i should do?
i really need some advice as i have no idea what to do.im very grateful for any ideas you have, especially as i have exams tomorrow and cant concentrate.
anyway. i met this guy at uni. we started dating etc, and i did make it clear to him from the start that i do not believe in sex before marriage. he did put alot of pressure on me, everyday to get me to change my mind.i did not(fortunately). on christmas eve, he phoned me to say his sister found a text from me on his phone and got mad at him because he had not broken up with his ex, who was her best mate. apparantly she lost her virginity with him, they had known each other for a yr and only sort of split cos he was going uni.
he then said, if i could offer to have a 'complete relationship' with him he'd stay with me not her (ie one with sex) i declined, and so we broke up. he then said my decision was selfish, and was not fair to withold that from him
this was around xmas. now yesterday he has told me that he put pressure on me to sleep with him,knowing i'd say no and eventually break up with him because he had never had a fight with his long term gf. in fact they were always together happily, and he just had me on the side. he says all the pressure was to get me so upset i'd leave. i know this is untrue cos one evening i was cryng cos he wouldnt listen to me when i asked him to stop physically, and i tried to split from him but he took me out to dinner to make up.
apparantly as well, his long term gf has never had sex with him either, though they have done much more physically than i have (i just kissed him alot).
what do you think i should do?
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I think you should stay away from him. Not only was he cheating on his gf with you, but he used her as an emotional tool to try and have sex with you. You're not being selfish if it's really what you believe in; it's selfish of him to expect it and to tell you that. Regardless of whether he did have sex with his girlfriend or not, you don't want to be associated with him.
He seems like quite a messed up boy.
He seems like quite a messed up boy.
get rid of him NOW he is probebly using you
He sounds likes a nasty piece of work. Find someone better. As Helenia said, he's two-timing AND putting pressure on you to have sex when you don't want to. Either of those two things on their own should be enough of a reason to dump someone, so when he's doing both you should get as far away from him as you can, as quickly as you can.
what do you mean by 'emotional tool'? i only found out about her yesterday, a month after we broke up?
as a catholic, i do believe in the forgiveness of sin so i am trying so hard not to feel hatred or anger at him.
the thing that gets me is he knew i was a virgin, and that i had only kissed 2 guys before. so for me to be making out with him, and him taking off his shirt, i did more with him than i had with any other guy and now he says it means nothing.
this hurts so much
also, i know when his gf finds out she is going to hurt so so much as he is her first bf, and when he said he had thought of dating another girl, she cried alot. i feel guilt, and he made me promise not to tell her. i dont know how to make things right cos if i confess to her it will hurt her
thanks btw ppl for your help, it means alot to me to confess to someone
as a catholic, i do believe in the forgiveness of sin so i am trying so hard not to feel hatred or anger at him.
the thing that gets me is he knew i was a virgin, and that i had only kissed 2 guys before. so for me to be making out with him, and him taking off his shirt, i did more with him than i had with any other guy and now he says it means nothing.
this hurts so much
also, i know when his gf finds out she is going to hurt so so much as he is her first bf, and when he said he had thought of dating another girl, she cried alot. i feel guilt, and he made me promise not to tell her. i dont know how to make things right cos if i confess to her it will hurt her
thanks btw ppl for your help, it means alot to me to confess to someone
Jesus, are you catholic?
i can 100% forgive him with the strength of God, but it doesnt mean i trust him. also, he is trying to say i should be grateful he told me rather than continue to play me around.
my main question is, what do i do about his gf? i feel guilty having cheated with him on her, despite it being unknowingly. if i confess, it will hurt her but at least she knows before she loses virgiinity to him or marries him. if i dont confess i will feel the guilt. i need her to forgive me. what do di do?
i can 100% forgive him with the strength of God, but it doesnt mean i trust him. also, he is trying to say i should be grateful he told me rather than continue to play me around.
my main question is, what do i do about his gf? i feel guilty having cheated with him on her, despite it being unknowingly. if i confess, it will hurt her but at least she knows before she loses virgiinity to him or marries him. if i dont confess i will feel the guilt. i need her to forgive me. what do di do?
shinytoy
what do you mean by 'emotional tool'? i only found out about her yesterday, a month after we broke up?
By saying "I'll ditch her for you if you'll sleep with me" - that's using her as an emotional tool; to test if you want him to be with you rather than her that badly. Obviously you don't, so well done.
If you don't want to be angry with him, you don't have to be. However, I do NOT think you should get involved with him again as it's obvious he's trying to find some way to persuade you into bed.
the thing that gets me is he knew i was a virgin, and that i had only kissed 2 guys before. so for me to be making out with him, and him taking off his shirt, i did more with him than i had with any other guy and now he says it means nothing.
this hurts so much
Well, physically, compared with what he wants, it's not much. Men take their shirt off in public all the time so it's hardly the most sexually charged of moments for him. It's cruel of him to say those things though.
I'm confused about the girlfriend though - he says he didn't sleep with her but his sister says that she did? I don't know who to believe on that one. I would probably tell her though because if he can cheat on her once, he will again. And if he can find a willing girl, he'll do more than he did with you.
thanks everyone
sorry my comment
was directed at the person with the username 'jesus', not Jesus himself or anyone else lol
i'm certainly not getting involved with him again.
but what do you think i should do with his gf?
i dont want to hurt her, and im not sure its in my position to tell her.
but at the same time i feel guilty haing been dating her bf for 1 month secretly
i was just going to meet her, talk with her and give her a hug and my number, so if he does the right thing, she can talk to me. but i know he is going to feed her a load of crap like how i came onto him. what do i do?
he is saying he had no intention of sleeping with me and was using the pressure on me to make me dump him. this is weird, do you think its true?
sorry my comment
Jesus, are you catholic?
was directed at the person with the username 'jesus', not Jesus himself or anyone else lol
i'm certainly not getting involved with him again.
but what do you think i should do with his gf?
i dont want to hurt her, and im not sure its in my position to tell her.
but at the same time i feel guilty haing been dating her bf for 1 month secretly
i was just going to meet her, talk with her and give her a hug and my number, so if he does the right thing, she can talk to me. but i know he is going to feed her a load of crap like how i came onto him. what do i do?
he is saying he had no intention of sleeping with me and was using the pressure on me to make me dump him. this is weird, do you think its true?
i dont know her, she's not at uni. he said i can only meet her if i promise not to tell her. in fact he wants me to vouch for his abstinence for the whole time he's been at uni.
i think i can get her number off his phone. or i can promise not to tell her them break that promise when i meet her. or i can just meet her and slip her my numbr and hope she forgives me one day
i think i can get her number off his phone. or i can promise not to tell her them break that promise when i meet her. or i can just meet her and slip her my numbr and hope she forgives me one day
Try your best to forget about her. I'm a Christian too, and you've got God on your side, which is a good thing. You should be able to forgive him by praying and things, but that's not all of the issue here.
I would say, don't tell the girlfriend. It's not really your place here and, whilst this boy sounds like scum, it's up to her to break off the relationship if she's not happy. If you meet her and she is being treated badly or seems unhappy in the relationship, tell her.
And about the guilt - you have no reason to be feeling guilty. You had no idea what was going on and in your mind he was single. Pray for forgiveness and you know that God will forgive you and cleanse you of your sins completely, and hopefully that will get rid of your guilty feeling.
I would say, don't tell the girlfriend. It's not really your place here and, whilst this boy sounds like scum, it's up to her to break off the relationship if she's not happy. If you meet her and she is being treated badly or seems unhappy in the relationship, tell her.
And about the guilt - you have no reason to be feeling guilty. You had no idea what was going on and in your mind he was single. Pray for forgiveness and you know that God will forgive you and cleanse you of your sins completely, and hopefully that will get rid of your guilty feeling.
wow thanks so much. its excellent to hear another christian perspective. i totally and entirely agree, this is what i will do. *gives rep*
i feel like i have to stay friends with him, otherwise he might spread lies that he has taken my virginity or something. but i really dont want to speak to him. what should i do? i know Jesus taught forgiveness, im not mad at him but i dont particularly trust him now
i feel like i have to stay friends with him, otherwise he might spread lies that he has taken my virginity or something. but i really dont want to speak to him. what should i do? i know Jesus taught forgiveness, im not mad at him but i dont particularly trust him now
It's up to God to forgive him. Hate him all you want. He probably deserves it and it's therapeutic. Show him how strong you are. If you can talk to his girlfriend, do so, otherwise, she will have to find out for herself.
I'm going through something slightly similar at the moment. I'm not nearly so forgiving. I admire that you can be, but if I were you I wouldn't worry about what he's going to say - if anything I'd spread what really happened. He doesn't deserve to be friends with you.
I'm going through something slightly similar at the moment. I'm not nearly so forgiving. I admire that you can be, but if I were you I wouldn't worry about what he's going to say - if anything I'd spread what really happened. He doesn't deserve to be friends with you.
i feel like i have to stay friends with him, otherwise he might spread lies that he has taken my virginity or something. but i really dont want to speak to him. what should i do? i know Jesus taught forgiveness, im not mad at him but i dont particularly trust him now
I think, just distance yourself from him a bit. Try to let him just sort of naturally disappear from your life. Don't be nasty to him, just let him fade away. Say hi in the corridors and all that jazz, be civil, but don't go out of your way to see him or sit by him or talk to him or anything.
Well done you for forgiving him, that's great! So many people would just get angry and bitter and end up feeling awful.
i dont think this is the right way. Jesus taught us to forgive one another - 'forgive us our sins/as we forgive those who sin against us'. so pls try not to be mad.
anyway. i called him a moment ago to see if he wants to talk but he isnt picking up.
talking to all of you,i think he pressured me for sex, realised i wasnt going to give in and i broke up with him and now he is stuck with his gf.now he is just saying he pushed me to break up with him because he loves her, cos it makes him look good.
anyway. i called him a moment ago to see if he wants to talk but he isnt picking up.
talking to all of you,i think he pressured me for sex, realised i wasnt going to give in and i broke up with him and now he is stuck with his gf.now he is just saying he pushed me to break up with him because he loves her, cos it makes him look good.
Little Girl Red
I think, just distance yourself from him a bit. Try to let him just sort of naturally disappear from your life. Don't be nasty to him, just let him fade away. Say hi in the corridors and all that jazz, be civil, but don't go out of your way to see him or sit by him or talk to him or anything.
Well done you for forgiving him, that's great! So many people would just get angry and bitter and end up feeling awful.
Well done you for forgiving him, that's great! So many people would just get angry and bitter and end up feeling awful.
thanks alot for your good advice everyone im very grateful. i do feel sorry for his gf, cos before he was with me i saw him kiss yet another girl, although he says i must have got it wrong.
i do feel bad for his gf,but unless i get to meet her she'll never know about his man-ho behaviors
God bless and thanks also
xx
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