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too many boys!
Please bear with me - this might be long!
I'm 19 and started uni last October after taking a gap year. I have an ex-boyfriend who I split up with in 2004 right after my A-levels and he's now one of my best friends. Although we're not together and won't be in the near future, I could see us getting back together at some point, because our relationship has never truly been platonic. When we're both home for the holidays, we go on what other people would call dates and kiss each other in a way you wouldn't kiss a normal friend. We slept together a couple of times in the summer. This is all ok because we're both single and neither of us have been with anyone else since we split up. I think we both enjoy being single but being able to slip back into the feeling of being in a relationship just for a day or two when we see each other. When we're at uni we speak on MSN probably 3 or 4 times a week and are really close. He might come and stay with me at uni for the weekend in about 5 or 6 weeks' time, and if he does and we're both still single, I know we'll act as though we're still together.
In the mean time, I've met loads of guys at uni. There's a guy in my hall who is younger than me and I pulled after our hall Christmas party. He's a lovely guy and I really like him, and whenever we all go out my friends encourage me because they all think he's really cute. He is, but I'm kind of put off my the fact that he's SO young, and seems too sweet and innocent! I know it sounds stupid, but hey. I know he likes me quite a lot and I can't help but like him because he's so cute and lovely.
There's another guy in my hall who is a 4th year and I get on really well with. He said he likes me a lot and wants to spend more time with me, but although personality-wise we're really compatible, I'm not sure that I'm really attracted to him. But on the other hand, I'm not sure I'd be flirting with him so much if I wasn't.
There's also a guy in the 5th year who I know from a society that I go to. Although he's not my usual type, I'm pretty sure I quite like this one. I normally go for guys who are a little bit scruffy, and he's a real posh guy with perfect features and exquisite dress sense. He's got perfect skin, teeth and hair, and he's probably prettier than me. (Probably the reason why I don't normally go for the best looking guys, come to think of it!) Anyway, I've talked to him quite a lot and he's absolutely lovely. He gives me a huge hug every time he sees me (although he does that with all his friends) and I also catch him looking at me quite a lot. Every time I look in his direction he catches my eye and smiles. Yesterday I saw him for the first time since before Christmas and we didn't have much time to talk, so he suggested we swap mobile numbers and go out for a drink. I'm not sure whether he likes me just as a friend or as something more, but I'd like to find out!
These are the three main ones, but I basically see guys I fancy everywhere. I've never flirted so much in my entire life. Every time I go out there are "opportunities" everywhere I look, but on nights out I normally stick with my mates because I'd rather have a good time dancing with the girls and guys I live with, rather than getting off with some random bloke I've never met.
The point of all this is, I'd like to go out with someone, and there are lots of people I'm interested in, but is it really fair to go out with one guy when I fancy so many others? I know that all the business with my ex would stop as soon as I was with someone else, and I'm in two minds about that. It's really nice getting together for old time's sake, and I'll probably always love him, but right now he doesn't want a girlfriend and I'd quite like to be with someone. Hanging on for him could stop me finding someone else, so I know that he shouldn't really play a part in any decisions I make. But my best friend at uni says that if I fancy so many guys, it means I don't fancy any of them properly, and I should stay single.
What should I do?
Thanks for reading, and sorry for rambling for so long!
I'm 19 and started uni last October after taking a gap year. I have an ex-boyfriend who I split up with in 2004 right after my A-levels and he's now one of my best friends. Although we're not together and won't be in the near future, I could see us getting back together at some point, because our relationship has never truly been platonic. When we're both home for the holidays, we go on what other people would call dates and kiss each other in a way you wouldn't kiss a normal friend. We slept together a couple of times in the summer. This is all ok because we're both single and neither of us have been with anyone else since we split up. I think we both enjoy being single but being able to slip back into the feeling of being in a relationship just for a day or two when we see each other. When we're at uni we speak on MSN probably 3 or 4 times a week and are really close. He might come and stay with me at uni for the weekend in about 5 or 6 weeks' time, and if he does and we're both still single, I know we'll act as though we're still together.
In the mean time, I've met loads of guys at uni. There's a guy in my hall who is younger than me and I pulled after our hall Christmas party. He's a lovely guy and I really like him, and whenever we all go out my friends encourage me because they all think he's really cute. He is, but I'm kind of put off my the fact that he's SO young, and seems too sweet and innocent! I know it sounds stupid, but hey. I know he likes me quite a lot and I can't help but like him because he's so cute and lovely.
There's another guy in my hall who is a 4th year and I get on really well with. He said he likes me a lot and wants to spend more time with me, but although personality-wise we're really compatible, I'm not sure that I'm really attracted to him. But on the other hand, I'm not sure I'd be flirting with him so much if I wasn't.
There's also a guy in the 5th year who I know from a society that I go to. Although he's not my usual type, I'm pretty sure I quite like this one. I normally go for guys who are a little bit scruffy, and he's a real posh guy with perfect features and exquisite dress sense. He's got perfect skin, teeth and hair, and he's probably prettier than me. (Probably the reason why I don't normally go for the best looking guys, come to think of it!) Anyway, I've talked to him quite a lot and he's absolutely lovely. He gives me a huge hug every time he sees me (although he does that with all his friends) and I also catch him looking at me quite a lot. Every time I look in his direction he catches my eye and smiles. Yesterday I saw him for the first time since before Christmas and we didn't have much time to talk, so he suggested we swap mobile numbers and go out for a drink. I'm not sure whether he likes me just as a friend or as something more, but I'd like to find out!
These are the three main ones, but I basically see guys I fancy everywhere. I've never flirted so much in my entire life. Every time I go out there are "opportunities" everywhere I look, but on nights out I normally stick with my mates because I'd rather have a good time dancing with the girls and guys I live with, rather than getting off with some random bloke I've never met.
The point of all this is, I'd like to go out with someone, and there are lots of people I'm interested in, but is it really fair to go out with one guy when I fancy so many others? I know that all the business with my ex would stop as soon as I was with someone else, and I'm in two minds about that. It's really nice getting together for old time's sake, and I'll probably always love him, but right now he doesn't want a girlfriend and I'd quite like to be with someone. Hanging on for him could stop me finding someone else, so I know that he shouldn't really play a part in any decisions I make. But my best friend at uni says that if I fancy so many guys, it means I don't fancy any of them properly, and I should stay single.
What should I do?
Thanks for reading, and sorry for rambling for so long!
I think it depends on the type of relationship you have - if your bf is the type who has your wedding plans ready (unlikely as he's an ex, but I'm sure you'll know if he's the jealous type or not) you may want to keep these awkward feelings well away from your boyfriend. I still think it's perfectly acceptable to socialise and flirt with other men like you say, as long as you don't 'lead them on' too much - e.g. "Want to come to my place?" or never restraining any advances. If you flirt but act like a friend too, and have a laugh, I wouldn't see it as unacceptable as long as it didn't become too far. Perhaps you are worried your feelings will change for your bf? If they do, perhaps it's for the better, and perhaps you will be more happy. I have a similar view that perhaps you don't truly love them, and that part of love is loving just one person (idealistic but still). Do you see different parts of a "perfect partner" in each of the men you like? I find this is a common trait to people who fancy several others. If you do, it's best to keep them all at a safe distance and enjoy being with them for who they are, rather than any relationship... Does that sound confused??
I don't have a boyfriend! The guy is my ex now, so I'm as single as they come!
It sounds like you only fancy all these guys on a purely physical basis. It is normal to find people attractive but maybe once you had a boyfriend you wouldn't really be looking...? Your friend is right though. All I can say is it's your choice with who you prefer. You have to click, it can't be just lust. Maybe try to get to know the guy you like most first and see how your feelings develop. But if you really love your ex, maybe it is worth waiting for him or pressuring him to get back together. If he's in love with you, I don't see the point of him wanting to remain single. I dont know!
gemgems89
It sounds like you only fancy all these guys on a purely physical basis. It is normal to find people attractive but maybe once you had a boyfriend you wouldn't really be looking...? Your friend is right though. All I can say is it's your choice with who you prefer. You have to click, it can't be just lust. Maybe try to get to know the guy you like most first and see how your feelings develop. But if you really love your ex, maybe it is worth waiting for him or pressuring him to get back together. If he's in love with you, I don't see the point of him wanting to remain single. I dont know!
No, there's definitely no point waiting around for my ex, because even if we do get back together, it won't be any time soon. Certainly not before I graduate, and I don't want to be single for the whole of my time at uni!
I do fancy a lot of guys on a purely physical basis, but the three I've mentioned here are ones I genuinely like and get on really well with personality-wise as well. None of them are my usual "type", they're just people I happen to have clicked with. I'm just concerned that there's so many of them!
Anonymous
No, there's definitely no point waiting around for my ex, because even if we do get back together, it won't be any time soon. Certainly not before I graduate, and I don't want to be single for the whole of my time at uni!
I do fancy a lot of guys on a purely physical basis, but the three I've mentioned here are ones I genuinely like and get on really well with personality-wise as well. None of them are my usual "type", they're just people I happen to have clicked with. I'm just concerned that there's so many of them!
I do fancy a lot of guys on a purely physical basis, but the three I've mentioned here are ones I genuinely like and get on really well with personality-wise as well. None of them are my usual "type", they're just people I happen to have clicked with. I'm just concerned that there's so many of them!
Lol, well hey don't complain.
If you genuinely like them then I guess you should choose the one that you click with the most/prefer the most. If you start out as friends with all of them, then you will be able to tell who you prefer if you are unsure now. I don't think the younger one would be a good idea due to the fact you only like him cos he's cute and because your friends urge you to. Your choice.
gemgems89
Lol, well hey don't complain.
If you genuinely like them then I guess you should choose the one that you click with the most/prefer the most. If you start out as friends with all of them, then you will be able to tell who you prefer if you are unsure now. I don't think the younger one would be a good idea due to the fact you only like him cos he's cute and because your friends urge you to. Your choice.
If you genuinely like them then I guess you should choose the one that you click with the most/prefer the most. If you start out as friends with all of them, then you will be able to tell who you prefer if you are unsure now. I don't think the younger one would be a good idea due to the fact you only like him cos he's cute and because your friends urge you to. Your choice.
The younger one's great, and I would like him even if all my friends weren't telling me to go there. He's adorable. But I think he likes me more than I like him, and I think it might be a bad idea to get involved with him if there's a chance of me changing my mind later on and really hurting him. The oldest one is probably the one I have the most in common with though, seeing as I met him through a mutual interest.
If I was you I would stay single and carry on having fun, because you cant like these guys that much, else your friend is right, you would only like one, and you would really know if he was right, you just know when you click with someone, it isnt all about the looks. As for the ex...maybe best to tell him where he stands, find out where you stand and firmly say you either are together or you arnt, you sound like you still like him, but he sounds like he likes you, but perhaps is playing you for a bit of a fool. If you are going to stay just friends dont let him come to uni, it will make things worse. Find out where you stand with him first, then go man hunting
19 and you still call them boys? 
....
Anyway... it's not clear cut who you want (and so probably, what you want). Now, there's no rush when it comes to these things
When the time and person is right, all the waiting in the world is worth it. No, really, it is
Your own great uncertainty and indecision says a lot. I'm sure you have a sound sense of judgement... (usually!)
....Anyway... it's not clear cut who you want (and so probably, what you want). Now, there's no rush when it comes to these things
When the time and person is right, all the waiting in the world is worth it. No, really, it is Your own great uncertainty and indecision says a lot. I'm sure you have a sound sense of judgement... (usually!)
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