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    Hello all,

    I feel a bit shaken right now after having a fairly dramatic conflict with my father.

    It started with my mum coming into my room to tell me to hoover downstairs and she thought I had been asleep. Just to clarify I was NOT asleep, just contemplating... Anyway, I heard my father saying that I was always lying, this made me a l'il pissed so I got the hoover out in a fairly careless manner which provoked anger from my mum and lead my father to come storming downstairs shouting that he was fed up of me, couldn't stand me, I was lazy, "what was wrong with me?" and so on and so on. Apparently, my "look" that I gave him was rebellious and defiant (he didn't actually say that, he just said that it annoyed him ) so that, somehow, this "look" lead him to physically push me backwards, quite hard, so I knocked a glass over in my fall.

    My mum was there at the time and shouted his name, she was in rush to go out and left soon afterwards... I said, "You can't push me!"He again shouted how useless I was, how he couldn't stand me, he couldn't stand my face and I retorted that I couldn't stand him, the feeling was mutual. His reply was, "Get the **** out of this house then!" and then went on another rant about how I'm such a horrible human being and how I don't do this and that... He left, and I started hoovering, my anger quickly turning into tears.

    This wasn't the first time he'd used violence against me during a burst of anger. His short-temper seems really quite severe that I sometimes wonder if he has Intermittent Explosive Disorder but I daren't ask. Anyway, half an hour or so later and I'd just finished hoovering, and he came back for another go at me. I just said to him, "If you can't stand me, please don't talk to me". This seemed to anger him further... He said that he was my father and if something annoyed him he would tell me and that I've been ignoring him for years and if I keep ignoring him, he will have no qualms about hitting me just to shake me. As long as I'm in this house, he can act what way he likes towards me. This bit about him "hitting me" is making me a bit worried to say the least... I feel like I've totally lost what father and daughter bond I had, and at this moment, I really don't want to deal with him again.

    My question is this, is my reaction to this event a bit over-reactive? I mean, do many parents threaten to hit then? Is this normal? Should I be worried? And also, any advice on what I should do?

    I tried to be as least bias as I can. And my quotes may be a little inaccurate by a few words or so but then, I don't have a perfect memory!

    Any help much appreciated! (I hoping the amount of smilies I put in will lighten the mood up a bit )
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    You could quite easily charge him with assault and threatening behaviour. He's out of order, and what he's doing is not normal. If it were me, I'd have no qualms telling him that any more behaviour like that, then I'll go to the police. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.

    I've never heard of Intermittent Explosive Disorder, I think my dad has it also! So thanks for that!

    @HaHaLOL care to elaborate why you disagree with this?
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    Bloody hell, what a complete prick. I read through most of that thinking you were male. The fact that your father has no qualms about hitting women is scary. I would get the f*ck out of there to be honest.
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    Should of merked him.
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    I'd say talk to your mum about this seriously. I personally don't consider this acceptable, but you could have written it differently to how it happened therefore swaying my view ;-)
    It may not be you, it could just be that he's really stressed lately and you acting like a normal teenager was the final straw. But I'm no professional. TALK TO YOUR MUM. MAKE HIM GO SEE A DOCTOR.
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    (Original post by Cybele)
    You could quite easily charge him with assault and threatening behaviour. He's out of order, and what he's doing is not normal. If it were me, I'd have no qualms telling him that any more behaviour like that, then I'll go to the police. You have a right to feel safe in your own home.

    I've never heard of Intermittent Explosive Disorder, I think my dad has it also! So thanks for that!
    Haha, you seem a lot more brave than me. But I don't know if I'd ever want to tell the police on him, he is my dad after all. Anyhow, thanks, I guess I do have a right to feel safe in my own home, and I don't want to move out, only just turned 16 after all.

    Ah right , do you have a good relationship with your dad?
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    Well obviously you pissed him off, and it would be unfair to judge without his version of the story. But the bit about hitting you and saying it's acceptable because it's his house is bull****. It's against the law and he can go to jail for just threatening nevermind actually acting upon his threats of violence. The push thing was over the top aswell.

    If you feel he was being serious and you are frightened then please contact the police and have it sorted before something bad happens. However I must also point out that you will have to take a look at yourself and consider why he and your mum are acting this way towards you. Perhaps your attitude as well as theirs needs to change a bit. Either way his actions and threats of violence are not acceptable and should not be tolerated.
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    (Original post by SleepySheep)
    Bloody hell, what a complete prick. I read through most of that thinking you were male. The fact that your father has no qualms about hitting women is scary. I would get the f*ck out of there to be honest.
    But how can I get out? I mean I can move out now, as of a few weeks ago. But I'd really never want it to come to that seeing as I think I'm too young and I'm still in full time education, and I'd miss my mum!
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    Haha, you seem a lot more brave than me. But I don't know if I'd ever want to tell the police on him, he is my dad after all.
    Yes, and you're his daughter. How he can ever threaten you and physically hit you isn't acceptable no matter what your relationship his. I'm sure you'd encourage a woman to go to the police if it was her boyfriend doing this?

    Ah right , do you have a good relationship with your dad?
    Yes, a fantastic relationship, MOST of the time. He'd give me the world, but he doesn't half have a temper that sometimes comes out of nowhere. He's massive and it's frightening, but then the next day it's like nothing's happened and he's back to being my lovely dad.
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    its definately not normal for a father to threaten with and commit violence though i dont know how serious it is- he doesnt sound that evil

    you need to talk with him properly when hes calm- i cant help thinking that you might have done something wrong...

    though i dont know the story, he might actually be an abusive ******* in which case, escape when you can!
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    But how can I get out? I mean I can move out now, as of a few weeks ago. But I'd really never want it to come to that seeing as I think I'm too young and I'm still in full time education, and I'd miss my mum!
    You don't have to move out. It is possible to get help from social workers to talk things over with you and your parents. The authorities would rather this than have you move out. However this can only work providing the whole family agrees to outside help.

    It might be worth contacting your school about the problem if you don't want to get the police involved, because they will contact the council/social workers instead.
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    (Original post by chocapic)
    I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't think many parents threaten their children like that, and if they do they're in the wrong.

    You probably shouldn't be worried about him hitting you, some people just like to scare others and don't follow up on their threats, you didn't say how old you are, I assume you're in your teens, if he hasn't been physically abusive until now, maybe you have nothing to worry about. But if he starts hitting you around or your siblings (if you have any) don't just take it definitely talk to someone about it.

    I don't think you're over reacting, he was mean to you and you being angry and sad is normal. Your story sounds very familiar, I have a father who gets angry over nothing too, and he also does that going away for five minutes and coming back to yell some more thing and I know how upsetting that can be.

    The only thing I can advise you to do is to keep out of his way as much as possible. And if he pushes you around, let him know that's not okay. Also, this is very important I think, do not mind what he says. When he calls you names and starts saying you're useless etc, you can't let yourself believe that, not even for a second. If he can't stand his own daughter, he's the one with the problem. Not you.

    Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.
    Thank you. Yeah, I'm in my teens, turned 16 a few weeks ago. Yeah I know, he often likes to talk me down but its been nearly all verbal attacks until now which is what made me worried.
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    I'm not sure what advice to give, but I really admire how brave you are. I hope it all works out OP, all the best.
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    (Original post by auzzieman04)
    its definately not normal for a father to threaten with and commit violence though i dont know how serious it is- he doesnt sound that evil

    you need to talk with him properly when hes calm- i cant help thinking that you might have done something wrong...

    though i dont know the story, he might actually be an abusive ******* in which case, escape when you can!
    I don't know... Normally I try to put myself in other people's shoes so I can better understand why there was a conflict but this time, I can't see much that can justify his burst of rage. :confused:
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    (Original post by Oh my Ms. Coffey)
    Should of merked him.
    I was going to ask what merked meant but then I looked it up, so thanks, I feel a little more knowledgeable now!
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    (Original post by Cybele)
    Yes, and you're his daughter. How he can ever threaten you and physically hit you isn't acceptable no matter what your relationship his. I'm sure you'd encourage a woman to go to the police if it was her boyfriend doing this?



    Yes, a fantastic relationship, MOST of the time. He'd give me the world, but he doesn't half have a temper that sometimes comes out of nowhere. He's massive and it's frightening, but then the next day it's like nothing's happened and he's back to being my lovely dad.
    Haha I wouldn't say it was to quite that scale, I would probably tell the woman to break up with her boyfriend though.

    Aww that's sweet. I guess, my relationship with my dad used to be like that but as I grew older we just sort of drifted apart so that we hardly talked to each other unless it was for him to criticize me.
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    (Original post by chocoholic_x)
    I don't know... Normally I try to put myself in other people's shoes so I can better understand why there was a conflict but this time, I can't see much that can justify his burst of rage. :confused:
    in this case he must have anger management problems or something, is it serious enough to do something about?

    also is it to do with how much time you have as a family- just guessin ???

    i hope your alright anyway :hugs:
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    (Original post by auzzieman04)
    in this case he must have anger management problems or something, is it serious enough to do something about?

    i hope your alright anyway :hugs:
    I'm not sure, he's not been to see a psychologist or anything, well not to my knowledge anyway.

    And aww thank you, I feel a little better now, virtual hugs are the best! :hugs:
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    If it's his house you're pretty screwed, but it's still no excuse for him to threaten you and treat you like crap. If he is violent I can only say call the police or move out.
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    (Original post by PapaShmurff)
    If it's his house you're pretty screwed, but it's still no excuse for him to threaten you and treat you like crap. If he is violent I can only say call the police or move out.
    Amazingly enough, we rent the house and me and my mum lived here first before he joined along. Its 'cos my mum and dad were separated for a few years and then got back together meaning my dad came to live with us about 4 years ago. Yeah if he did violently attack me, I would probably do something serious about it but I really don't want to talk to him or do anything to provoke him to possibly lash out.
 
 
 
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