Should I just try and move on...?

Ok, I know there's been loads of threads about this sort of thing just recently so I apologise :redface:

My boyfriend and I split up in December, we had only been together about 3 months but had known each other for 2 years beforehand and were best friends. The reason we split up was due to distance. I went away to uni and he stayed for his third year at college (we're both 18 by the way).
It was difficult to see each other often enough as we both had part-time jobs and other commitments. He was also a bit jealous of the fact that I was away at uni and was worried about me cheating on him (he had no reason to think this way as I have never cheated before and don't intend to but he has quite low self-esteem).
Well, to cut a long story short he told me that the distance was killing him and that it would be like this for the next three years and he didn't think he could deal with this anymore so thought it would be best if we split up. I was obviously devastated by this but had to try to accept it because it was what he wanted.
Anyway, since then things have been the same between us, we act like we're still together and tell each other how much we love and miss each other all the time. He's even coming to stay with me at uni in a couple of weeks time. Neither of us has been with anyone else and we don't intend to either.
I feel so happy when I speak to him and when I don't or when I think about us not being together anymore I just feel so incomplete and empty :frown:

I would love to be with him again but the circumstances aren't going to change between us right now...
He said to me the other day he would be prepared to wait for me but I don't understand why he won't be with me now! I don't know whether to try to move on or just look to the future and just hope that one day we can be together again. It's just I don't really want to move on, he's my best friend too and I'm totally in love with him (I've never been in love before).
I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation or if any guys could me their interpretation?

Sorry for the long post, I appreciate it if anyone managed to read the whole thing!
Thank you in advance xx

--------------

Was going to post that anonymously :redface:

Reply 1

MNBStyle

9

~*Sweetness*~

He said to me the other day he would be prepared to wait for me but I don't understand why he won't be with me now!

I agree with you on this one, it doesn't make much sense really as surely waiting for you would be just as bad as being with you while waiting for you to finish uni.
Maybe he feels the need to be single and free until you come back from uni i dont know, i think before you decide to try and move, you should discuss things with him when he comes to stay

Reply 2

Jenna Leicester

Hi sweetness,

I think you may have posted a reply to my long post a couple of weeks ago...if you did then thanks for that.

Hmm, from the sound of things he is completely confused. This sort of contradicting behaviour does nothing for our confidence does it!

If you still tell each other you love each other, and speak on the phone, and he is coming to see you then the signs are positive.

I can understand his viewpoint. Perhaps it's a case of 'self preservation' - he misses you too much, and perhaps would rather be alone then go through the heartache of missing you all the time.

I know that the only time I have ever been in love I could not stand being away from him, and it physically hurt to be without him even for a couple of days. Maybe he feels that the situation might turn that way - in that case he is trying to protect himself.

I suggest that you go along with his wishes for now, at least until he comes to visit you at Uni. When he comes, maybe you can re-evaluate your situation.

I hope this helps babe.

Reply 3

~*Sweetness*~

OP

MNBStyle

I agree with you on this one, it doesn't make much sense really as surely waiting for you would be just as bad as being with you while waiting for you to finish uni.
Maybe he feels the need to be single and free until you come back from uni i dont know, i think before you decide to try and move, you should discuss things with him when he comes to stay

Yes, you're right. He actually said to me tonight that when he comes to stay he wants to talk about 'us' properly and our future. He says he was very confused at the time and regrets his decision everyday. I suppose I've just got to wait until we talk about things properly. Thank you for replying.

Reply 4

Jenna Leicester

~*Sweetness*~

Yes, you're right. He actually said to me tonight that when he comes to stay he wants to talk about 'us' properly and our future. He says he was very confused at the time and regrets his decision everyday. I suppose I've just got to wait until we talk about things properly. Thank you for replying.

It sounds as though it's all going to work out for you then! I'm glad for you.

Reply 5

MNBStyle

9

~*Sweetness*~

Yes, you're right. He actually said to me tonight that when he comes to stay he wants to talk about 'us' properly and our future. He says he was very confused at the time and regrets his decision everyday. I suppose I've just got to wait until we talk about things properly. Thank you for replying.

Anytime, hope it works out for you

Reply 6

~*Sweetness*~

OP

Jenna Leicester

Hi sweetness,

I think you may have posted a reply to my long post a couple of weeks ago...if you did then thanks for that.

Hmm, from the sound of things he is completely confused. This sort of contradicting behaviour does nothing for our confidence does it!

If you still tell each other you love each other, and speak on the phone, and he is coming to see you then the signs are positive.

I can understand his viewpoint. Perhaps it's a case of 'self preservation' - he misses you too much, and perhaps would rather be alone then go through the heartache of missing you all the time.

I know that the only time I have ever been in love I could not stand being away from him, and it physically hurt to be without him even for a couple of days. Maybe he feels that the situation might turn that way - in that case he is trying to protect himself.

I suggest that you go along with his wishes for now, at least until he comes to visit you at Uni. When he comes, maybe you can re-evaluate your situation.

I hope this helps babe.

Thank you so much for your reply, it made me feel a bit better actually :smile:

Yes, he is confused at the moment, he's told me so. I'm also his first proper girlfriend so I think a lot of what you are suggesting could be true. What you said about it physically hurting to be away from someone is exactly how he described his feelings to me and it's how I feel about him at the moment. I think he's worried he might get hurt but I love him more than anything in the world so don't understand how he could think that, silly boy!
Thanks again :smile:

Reply 7

MNBStyle

9

Jenna Leicester

Perhaps it's a case of 'self preservation' - he misses you too much, and perhaps would rather be alone then go through the heartache of missing you all the time.

But either way hes going to go through the pain of missing her all the time.
So that makes no sense really :confused:

Its probablly because hes scared of getting hurt because you did say he was worried about you cheating on him due to his low self esteem,
and it can be strange about how being together but living so far apart can be very odd and confusing

Reply 8

Cirsium

19

Urgh

I am (horribly) in approximately the same situation. I don't see the point in moving on some days because every time I go back nothing's changed. Even now when I know he likes someone else (whenever he's in unrequited love he has this particular kind of depression i've come to recognise in the 8 or so years we've known one another) But then I know that at the end of it this is not something that will work out because 3 years is a long time :frown:

Maybe you guys will be able to. I hope so for your sake

Should I just try and move on...?

Related discussions

Articles for you