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    I don’t know what to do.

    I’m moving into my 2nd year at what is a very good university, but probably the first or second least social university in the UK (or the world?) I’m basically pretty damn miserable.

    I live with three others. We get on, but we have all acknowledged really, that I have the least in common with them. I don’t actually share any hobbies or interests with the other three. But hey, we get on so living in a flat together seemed like a natural move. Although in the last week or so I’ve grown to get very, very pissed off with one flatmate. I have a journal that I write just for myself, and I realised that I actually wrote four pages in size 11 font in a rant about him. I have very good reasons to be annoyed but I won’t write an essay about it here. I’m beginning to suspect that he is autistic or something though, as he cannot tell when I’m annoyed, and he just seemed very selfish and tend to only laugh when it’s at someone else’s expense.... I don’t know. I’ll probably never mention it (or snap one day). One of the two.

    The other two flatmates are fine. One doesn’t like going out and doing anything very much though. The other sort of does, but he only tends to go clubbing without his housemtes. I get the feeling that he doesn’t like me coming along so I don’t. Yesterday I was in the flat all day with him, but as soon as I go to the local shop, he’s gone out. The day before that he said he’d text me if he goes clubbing (as he was going to see some friends) but the text never came. Maybe I embarrass him or something. I don’t mention it, as it would be awkward…

    So okay, social life isn’t great there. What about other friends? Well, they don’t go out all that much either. Not the ones I know. I know some others, but not really well enough to text them and meet up yet, really. I don’t really know how I can build on those friendships really. They’re like friends or friends and I barely meet up with the mutual friend(s) as they don’t often do anything (that I know of).

    What about meeting new friends? That would be good. I am going to join a few more societies this year. Although there are actually VERY few a societies that are actually just for fun, and not for career or particular nationality. My university has a reputation of having a pretty **** social life and student union, so I haven’t got high hopes for that. My other plan of action is to ask this girl out that I know a bit, but not that well...I don't know how interested she is/was... To be honest, at this point, I would rather try and then get shot down because anything is better than this right now.

    So can do I do? I know I’m a bit of a weird guy, and not the most social – I might be a little shy, and I’m very self-conscious about my looks for example - but even worse, what little confidence I did have about my social sills, has been eroded away by how poor my social life has been the last year. You know I lived in uni halls last year, but didn’t even know the ****ing names of my flatmates? God knows I tried talking to people… It makes me think that either I really freak everybody out I meet, or the majority of people I meet here are weird/not very social. It’s just destroyed my confidence, and makes getting out of the sad situation I am in even worse.

    Please help.
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    Sorry, I posted in the wrong forum. Ignore this please.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, I posted in the wrong forum. Ignore this please.
    lol in the wrong forum?
    We're still people here, don't you want us to help :'(

    Your situation doesn't sound that bad to me, you have more social life than a lot of people, just need to realise for yourself that you're not all that different, and believe it, because once you do this people will see you're confident, try to smile more and remember names. There's a book about it all if you want to know, but I guess you're off to the other forum where the better people are :P
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by WalkerPassingby)
    lol in the wrong forum?
    We're still people here, don't you want us to help :'(

    You're situation doesn't sound that bad to me, you have more social life than a lot of people, just need to realise for yourself that you're not all that different, and believe it, because once you do this people will see you're confident, try to smile more and remember names. There's a book about it all if you want to know, but I guess you're off to the other forum where the better people are :P
    Thanks for the post... Even though I was horrible enough to post in the wrong forum.

    I try to have fun. I do with my sixth form friends. Recently I've asked people at my uni what they think, and a lot of the time they either say it's a lot of nothing, or that they're content (and then explain specificallly what they've done, which doesn't sound that great to be honest...)

    For me though, the biggest problem is, there are barely any times when someone says "Oh my God! Remember the time when..." And nobody even seems to care, which makes me think that I'm the weird one.

    I just don't know what to do about it, really. I'll join some clubs at the uni but they have a reputation for being bad. I feel bad tagging along with my housemate when he's out... I don't know what else to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don’t know what to do.

    I’m moving into my 2nd year at what is a very good university, but probably the first or second least social university in the UK (or the world?) I’m basically pretty damn miserable.

    I live with three others. We get on, but we have all acknowledged really, that I have the least in common with them. I don’t actually share any hobbies or interests with the other three. But hey, we get on so living in a flat together seemed like a natural move. Although in the last week or so I’ve grown to get very, very pissed off with one flatmate. I have a journal that I write just for myself, and I realised that I actually wrote four pages in size 11 font in a rant about him. I have very good reasons to be annoyed but I won’t write an essay about it here. I’m beginning to suspect that he is autistic or something though, as he cannot tell when I’m annoyed, and he just seemed very selfish and tend to only laugh when it’s at someone else’s expense.... I don’t know. I’ll probably never mention it (or snap one day). One of the two.

    The other two flatmates are fine. One doesn’t like going out and doing anything very much though. The other sort of does, but he only tends to go clubbing without his housemtes. I get the feeling that he doesn’t like me coming along so I don’t. Yesterday I was in the flat all day with him, but as soon as I go to the local shop, he’s gone out. The day before that he said he’d text me if he goes clubbing (as he was going to see some friends) but the text never came. Maybe I embarrass him or something. I don’t mention it, as it would be awkward…

    So okay, social life isn’t great there. What about other friends? Well, they don’t go out all that much either. Not the ones I know. I know some others, but not really well enough to text them and meet up yet, really. I don’t really know how I can build on those friendships really. They’re like friends or friends and I barely meet up with the mutual friend(s) as they don’t often do anything (that I know of).

    What about meeting new friends? That would be good. I am going to join a few more societies this year. Although there are actually VERY few a societies that are actually just for fun, and not for career or particular nationality. My university has a reputation of having a pretty **** social life and student union, so I haven’t got high hopes for that. My other plan of action is to ask this girl out that I know a bit, but not that well...I don't know how interested she is/was... To be honest, at this point, I would rather try and then get shot down because anything is better than this right now.

    So can do I do? I know I’m a bit of a weird guy, and not the most social – I might be a little shy, and I’m very self-conscious about my looks for example - but even worse, what little confidence I did have about my social sills, has been eroded away by how poor my social life has been the last year. You know I lived in uni halls last year, but didn’t even know the ****ing names of my flatmates? God knows I tried talking to people… It makes me think that either I really freak everybody out I meet, or the majority of people I meet here are weird/not very social. It’s just destroyed my confidence, and makes getting out of the sad situation I am in even worse.

    Please help.
    Which uni is this? Starting uni this year, maybe I should be worried?
    Anyway, yeah, times I'd gone out in the past two years (A levels) could be counted on my fingers. Probably because I was older than most and had different interests. Or because I didn't make an effort. Either way, I need to find buddies this year as all of my real friends are in different unis.
    I don't really have any suggestions, I'd like to see some tho.
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    (Original post by hyperbole)
    Which uni is this? Starting uni this year, maybe I should be worried?
    Anyway, yeah, times I'd gone out in the past two years (A levels) could be counted on my fingers. Probably because I was older than most and had different interests. Or because I didn't make an effort. Either way, I need to find buddies this year as all of my real friends are in different unis.
    I don't really have any suggestions, I'd like to see some tho.


    It may be arrogant of me, but even after a year, I still think it's my uni's fault and not me. I grapple with it a lot, but more than half of me thinks it's not me at fault. Although I have to say the longer this goes on the more I think I am to blame.

    For example, I was nosey and saw that you're going to York. I visited a friend in York a couple months ago. I didn't know anybody apart from my friend. I ended up getting to know tonnes of people and going out with them, and got close with some girl in the club (which to be fair, isn't really like me). But it just illistrates the point that I really, really, really don't think it's me at fault here... Yet some people do seem to like the uni I'm at... So I don't know, really.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It may be arrogant of me, but even after a year, I still think it's my uni's fault and not me. I grapple with it a lot, but more than half of me thinks it's not me at fault. Although I have to say the longer this goes on the more I think I am to blame.

    For example, I was nosey and saw that you're going to York. I visited a friend in York a couple months ago. I didn't know anybody apart from my friend. I ended up getting to know tonnes of people and going out with them, and got close with some girl in the club (which to be fair, isn't really like me). But it just illistrates the point that I really, really, really don't think it's me at fault here... Yet some people do seem to like the uni I'm at... So I don't know, really.
    Might just be that you've had bad luck, or the people you're interacting with so far are really not your type of people. May even be that the area doesn't suit you, but all you can do is keep meeting new people and trying, if you had such a good time in York it's really not you, so just keep going!
    • #2
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    Sounds like Imperial lol
 
 
 
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