I currently suffer from terrible anxiety (both general and social) and depression. I am constantly worrying about the future, about my dating life, my social life, my unemployment etc.
I am in a terrible mess and because I'm single, It doesn't make things any easier, as I have no one close I can talk to. My family don't really understand my situation, they just expect there to be plenty jobs available, but this isn't the case at all and I've stressed that over and over again but, they don't listen.
I am 22 years old and it worries me that my life isn't on the right track. I have been single all my life, and I can't even approach girls because my anxiety has destroyed my confidence in social situations. This is why I don't have a social life hardly, I mean I will socialise with friends once in a while, but overall I don't socialise much.
If it wasn't for the anxiety, I could approach girls with confidence and start dating, but since my anxiety, I find my love life has gone to zero! I have no dating life at all. I even find it hard to find the motivation to look for work these days, as I'm always tired and unmotivated to do anything.
How do I improve this? If I'm suffering this bad with anxiety, it's impossible for me to work when I'm like this.
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Anxiety and depression is ruining my life, can't even meet girls because of it. watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-09-2011 21:04
- 29-09-2011 01:51
Welcome to the club. I'm also 22 and haven't had a girlfriend. My social anxiety has kept me in my room for at least a decade, but I'm slowly getting better. Even now at the age of 22 if a girl talks to me I immediately blush, have speech issues and cannot look at her. All I can say though is just go out and live it. Before I always worried what others thought of me. Now It still bothers me a little but not that much, by the way exercise helps a hell of alot. You'd be suprised to see how much exercise boosts your mood/confidence etc. I always wanted a girlfriend and whenever one approached me I thoght bingo 'this could be it' never was though. Now to be honest I've lost interest though and am just aiming at finishing my studies and getting the job and car I always wanted.
Back in secondary school my friends knew of my anxieties so always teased me by asking whether girls would go out with me, and to my surpise quite often they always said 'yes'. Look when you meet a girl just be yourself, don't blush, start to sweat and go all crazy. Just take the girl as a random guy coming to ask you directions or something. Don't get straight into, 'does she like me' thought. Just forget about that crap and talk to her like a stranger. Don't start planning your relationship with whoever you're talking to girl wise before she's even said yes. Do not look interested.
Anyways, what's the harm if you get rejected? Just because one girl says no doesn't mean every girl thinks the same. There was a situation once where I was attracted to this girl at secondary school and I could just never grab her attention. The funny thing is all that time I was trying to grab her attention there was another girl who was even better looking and she had a crush on me, which I totally ignored/missed. Why do I know this, well I saw her in a shopping centre, and promised to meet up for tea/coffee, which she later said when we were reminiscing.
- 29-09-2011 01:54
I can sympathise entirely.
Feel free to PM me man, I know all about it.
- 29-09-2011 13:53
The best thing I found was as soon as I stopped looking for / wanting a boyfriend, one just came along.
So many people make the mistake of assuming they'll meet girls in clubs and bars, but a lot if not all of those relationships will not work out in the long run - it's based too much on fun and lust than compromise and love.
Don't worry about rejection, find ways around it, don't ask girls out directly, invite them out with you and your friends [that may make you feel more 'yourself' around them with the back up of your friends], get to know them slowly and see where it goes, little hints go further with girls than all out proclamations of desire.
Once you get to know her a bit you can explain to her about your health problems and I'm sure she will understand, I've been in the situation before with someone who didn't understand at all and it was awful, so make sure to explain everything :]
- 29-09-2011 20:07
Sorry about your situation. You should go to the doctor, and they will most likely refer you for cognitive behavioural therapy - I've heard this works wonders. My friend was in a similar situation to you, and having gone through CBT sessions she has changed her outlook on life, thus changing her life around.
Also, don't worry too much about not having a girlfriend - this is by no means a necessity in life. Sometimes being in a relationship can be hassle too, and we generally always seem to want what we can't have. You probably need a bit more time being single, so you are able to focus on what you want in life; having a girlfriend won't solve all life's problems.
In terms of your social life you should perhaps meet up with some old college/ uni friends, or form new friendships by going to the gym or trying a sport - great stress relievers! You don't necessarily have to go to clubs and bars to socialise if you don't enjoy that so much.
Make sure your CV is up to scratch first, and try to apply for all the jobs you are interested in, by doing a few applications a day/ week. And don't suffer in silence! Hope it all works out for you.