My phone broke at the weekend, so my boyfriend lent me his old handset til I can get it fixed. But the thing is, I don't think he realised that it's still got a load of old texts from his ex on (this is his phone from when they were going out, about 2 years ago).
Now I gave in to curiosity (and I know I shouldn't have done...) and read a couple of the texts - and the thing that's getting to me is, he talked to her EXACTLY like he talks to me. As in, word for word sometimes. So suddenly all these lovely things he's said to me, made me feel special, seem a bit fake now somehow. I know logically most people have loved someone else and said so to them, but I didn't realise it would be SO similar to us... All these things like saying he's never felt like this about anyone else, I'm now thinking "have you?"
The other thing is, we were good friends while he was still going out with her, for the last two or so months of his relationship. And on my end, he was basically fairly obvious that it wasn't working between them - he would talk to me about he was thinking of breaking up with her, things like if she would call he'd often just mute the phone and not answer, basically gave every impression that he really wasn't happy in the relationship. But the texts to her from this period are all lovely "I want to spend my life with you, you're perfect" etc etc. Which makes me think - IF he was faking this with her, what if he's faking it with me??
And the final thing that's getting to him, is she referred to him as her "fiance" a couple of times - now I had NO idea they were engaged. He never calls her this, so I suppose it could have been an in thing between them and not officially engaged, but still...
The thing is, me and my boyfriend are SO happy together, basically zero problems in the relationship, so I really don't want to cause any that really aren't important. We've been going out a year (started about 6ish months after he broke up with her), and I know it's my own fault for reading them, but it's suddenly made me really insecure and I don't know what to do about it.
So basically I see a couple of options -
1) Just delete all the texts, try and forget I saw any of them, just come to terms with the fact that he did love her, but it's in the past etc. But the doubt about this option is I kind of want some reassurance that the things he tells me he actually means, I'd like to be able to talk to him and get this, but I don't want to cause some huge issue that's basically created by me being too nosy.
2) Tell him straight up that there's loads of texts from his ex on the phone, that I read some, ask him about it, ask about them being so lovey dovey etc.
3) Delete the texts etc, but try and bring her up casually in conversation to see if he tells me about them being engaged/gives some indication of how serious they were and things. The only thing I worry is that if I do this and he twigs that this was triggered from the phone, and didn't tell him about it...
Anyway, advice would REALLY be appreciated. I know I shouldn't have read any of them in the first place, I really do! Guess this is the consequence...
tl;dr - bf lent me his old phone, with loads of texts from his ex on. It's getting to me that all the texts he sends me he said exactly the same to her, being love of his life etc etc. Also they were engaged and he never mentioned this.
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Old messages to ex making me insecure watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-09-2011 22:53