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    ......as per the title, did you have a daddy or father figure that comes and goes as he pleases. How did this characteristic affect you?

    For the purpose of this discussion it could be due to any reason he comes and goes such as :-

    1) Job related, HM Forces, diplomats, oil-rig etc where the nature of it is you have to be away for an extended period of time or maybe he is trying to dodge tax so he has to be away from UK, etc.

    2) Had another family elsewhere.

    3) Had a life he preferred so choose to be home as minimally as possible.

    ....... do share.

    Thanks.
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    My dad did, because his father was an alcoholic.

    It made him be very protective of me and my sister.
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    ......as per the title, did you have a daddy or father figure that comes and goes as he pleases. How did this characteristic affect you?

    For the purpose of this discussion it could be due to any reason he comes and goes such as :-

    1) Job related, HM Forces, diplomats, oil-rig etc where the nature of it is you have to be away for an extended period of time or maybe he is trying to dodge tax so he has to be away from UK, etc.

    2) Had another family elsewhere.

    3) Had a life he preferred so choose to be home as minimally as possible.

    ....... do share.

    Thanks.
    I cut him out of my life.

    We spoke twice a year on the phone. Saw him once a year. And I could tell he despised even that. Why bother?!

    So I guess it affected me bad...!
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    My dad had an affair and left when I was 3. After that, he would arrange with my mum to see me, and then not turn up. He was very unreliable. He was always back and forth, could never work out what he wanted. Kept deciding he wanted to be back with my mum and then deciding he wanted to be with the other woman again. It was like that until I was about 10. He now contacts me sometimes but not consistently. I guess I've just got used to it over the years and we're totally different people anyway (our personalities couldn't be more distinctly different!) and I don't miss him when he's not in contact. He's a liar and extremely shallow. Maybe the way he's acted has given me a complex about being abandoned or not wanted, I'm not sure. I find it hard to attribute issues I have now to my dad and his behaviour because I've just got used to it as I've never known any different.
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    Ah i guess i'm grateful for my mother for stopping all the rubbish that would have ensued should my biological father have stuck around before it began.

    He was absolutely no good for anything, but you know, curiosity gets the better of you, i found him and we spoke once on the internet. I wish i'd never bothered, because now he has all my contact details and he still doesn't bother with me. Makes me feel worse than before XD

    Silly me. But bless my mum for always being there. Now i don't know how people can deal with having too parents >< I'd be like "Give me some space!!! XD"

    I feel sorry for my brother, his dad picks him up and puts him down as he pleases. :<

    But don't forget, i'm sure there are plenty of mothers who do this too, but sorry if you have a personal experience with a ever-not-present father. :L
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    My dad was in the army, and then my parents divorced and he now lives in Dubai whilst I live in the UK.

    When I was younger it always created a sense of instability in my life, the feeling that my dad could be gone the next day and there was nothing that I could do about it. Which got a lot worse when they divorced.

    When you're a kid it just rocks your world a bit, you realise that life isn't always happy and safe. It led to a lot of severe anxiety problems in me.
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    My dad left us when I was 6. I then saw him weekly until I was 10 and then he broke contact with me.

    Then I saw him once when I was 14 (he came to my Confirmation), and once when I was 16 (I tracked him down at his work and went to see him).

    When I was 17 I started to regain a relationship with him. I see him now about once every 3 weeks on average.
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    (Original post by PinkMobilePhone)
    My dad left us when I was 6. I then saw him weekly until I was 10 and then he broke contact with me.

    Then I saw him once when I was 14 (he came to my Confirmation), and once when I was 16 (I tracked him down at his work and went to see him).

    When I was 17 I started to regain a relationship with him. I see him now about once every 3 weeks on average.
    Do you think this has affected you in any way?
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    (Original post by Antifazian)
    My dad was in the army, and then my parents divorced and he now lives in Dubai whilst I live in the UK.

    When I was younger it always created a sense of instability in my life, the feeling that my dad could be gone the next day and there was nothing that I could do about it. Which got a lot worse when they divorced.

    When you're a kid it just rocks your world a bit, you realise that life isn't always happy and safe. It led to a lot of severe anxiety problems in me.
    Thank you for sharing.

    Do you believe there is anything he could have done to have minimized the impact of his actions?
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    (Original post by LemonCookie)

    But don't forget, i'm sure there are plenty of mothers who do this too, but sorry if you have a personal experience with a ever-not-present father. :L
    Well, in a way you can say I'm that "not-present father"

    Now starting reconsider some issues.
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    Thread title should be changed to "Did you have a black father?"



    EDIT: Omds who negged? As if I'm some white racist. I had a black dad, he was never around, same story with 4 of my other black friends. The black dad stereotype is real people! However I must say it's exclusively a Caribbean thing. African fathers are pretty competent.
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    The Empire is making a note of the girls with daddy issues.
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    For the first seven-or-so years of my life my dad went on tour quite a lot around Europe. I was totally unaware of this at the time because he'd bought the family a Sega Mega Drive to keep us occupied while he went away.
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    I'm a big daddy's girl and I think it's partly attributed to the fact my dad worked abroad a lot when I was younger - he'd be away for weeks on end and return for fleeting visits before leaving again. He always fussed over me when he visited, bringing presents and such. If anything it made our relationship stronger rather than weaker - he still fusses over me even though it's now me who's eager to leave and move out.
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    My dad was in the RAF so we moved around with him quite a bit, but he used to work throughout the week and come home at weekends. And he had to spend 4-5 months away in Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan. I remember missing him when he went away for a long time, especially over Christmas as it was just me and my mum, but I don't think it gave me any "daddy issues" :-/
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    Thank you for sharing.

    Do you believe there is anything he could have done to have minimized the impact of his actions?
    Probably not; being away frequently for long periods of time was part of his job which couldn't be avoided, I remember him going to Africa for 6 months when I was little, and I forgot what he looked like haha - don't let that happen! Then the divorce was just one of those really unfortunate things that happens. Now that he lives abroad, he still pays for me to come out and see him at least once, usually twice a year so I consider myself pretty lucky really, as there are a lot of fathers out there who don't care at all about their kids.

    I saw your post below where you say you're a non-present father, in that case if it's something you can't control then you just need to make sure that the child knows you still care about them even whilst you're not there, that you haven't left them because of something they've done, and really make the most of the time that you are with them.
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    My dad left when I was six.

    He sent an address slip when I was eight.

    He then emailed one night - just out of the blue - when I was seventeen, and thereafter emailed every two months or so.

    He (and his friend) then sent my mum harrassing messages through facebook.

    I've now cut him out by telling him if he carries on the police will be involved.
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    My Dad has worked away from home for half of the week since I was 7. I went from having my Dad there all the time, to only having him there half the time, and it's just been weird ever since. It's like we get used to life without him there, and then he comes home and tries to be "in charge" again which, now that I'm 21, is incredibly annoying even now. Just little things like where I keep my bag- he'll come in and immediately move it from by the sofa to my room, and will go round opening windows and changing things around..
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    (Original post by Erich Hartmann)
    or maybe he is trying to dodge tax so he has to be away from UK, etc.
    Presumably this is you. Can you not just move your family to Monaco or whatever?
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    (Original post by Computerised)
    EDIT: Omds who negged? As if I'm some white racist. I had a black dad, he was never around, same story with 4 of my other black friends. The black dad stereotype is real people! However I must say it's exclusively a Caribbean thing. African fathers are pretty competent.
    Oh yeah, I forgot that it is alright to be racist and make crass stereotypes if you are black...

    *rolls eyes*
 
 
 
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