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3 months on and still havent moved on watch

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    How does one cope witht he fact that they made a mistake? I broke up with my girlfiend of 4 and 3/4 years 3 months ago... I did all the jazz and stopped contact to make it easier on her and me... and for the first time ever i actually stuck to it. I didnt have contact with her at all... untill Monday. In the last three months i have not seen or had any contact with her or anyone associated with her... i thought i was happy, i thought i was moving on with my life, then on sunday night i saw her dad driving behind me in the car and that got me thinking about her.

    So i texted her on Monday morning asking if she would like to meet up, i dont know why i did, i think i originally wanted to apologise for everything that i did wrong and how i ended it as it was quite abrupt, anyway to cut a long story short since monday my life has been a roller coaster, I had 5 hours sleep from sunday night to when i finally got a good nights sleep last night... i didnt eat, i had starved myself for 2 days... talking to her, asking her if there was ever a chance... When i met with her for the first time on monday it was like nothing had ever happened, she was more than friendly with me, we only met in a carpark and she got in my car with me at her request... i thought things were different to what they were.

    For 2 days i dindt understand and then yesterday i asked her to meet me, one last time... to say goodbye and what do i do, break down and start begging her to give us another chance and she said she was happy being on her own, she didnt want or need a relationship with anyone right now as she had realised she doesnt need a relationship to be happy, she says it is too soon to be friends for her but she cares about me, she loves me but is not in love with me... Then she said the elusive "if you loved me you would let me go"... it broke my heart to hear that, but i knew it was true, so i said my goodbyes, told her to be safe and be who she wants to be etc and said maybe we can be friends someday.

    I suppose i thought i had moved on when in reality i always thought she would want and need me again, as she was always quite a needy person who had no friends etc... yet now she has turned into a confident woman, who wants more to be on her own than to be with anyone else. we were together a quarter of eachothers lifetimes. I said i would not contact her again untill the time was right and i had moved on and could see her without feeling anything... but will that day ever come or will i and her just fade off into a distant memory?? How and why after 3 months have i turned into this shrivelling depressed wreck of a man, yet the girl she was, was storng enough to move one... i want to text her one last time and say the things i forgot, as we left on good terms, we hugged etc and i feel i forgot to say certaint hings... but i know i cant, i have to live with the realisationt hat what i intitiated... now means i possibly will never see her again... i feel like we have broken up all over again, feel so depressed and crying... my mind is everywhere at the moment and i dont know what to think.

    Im sorry for writeing this as it is a bit of a ramble but i suppose i just need to tell someone as i have no friends either, we got together at bad points in both our lives and lived in a cocoon for so long... she is now free yet i feel trapped and unable to move.

    Is it possible she will ever want to be with me again? or is it false hope?
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    There's a saying somewhere [maybe it's a fact?] that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them [that's nearly 2 and a half years in your case]

    Don't rush your emotions, embrace the grief but get on with your life at the same time.

    Delete her number and all other means of contact, don't be tempted by them, if you see her out then yeah say hi, but don't have the options there in times of weakness [ie when you're thinking and alone].

    She may never want to be with you again, but you don't know what the future will hold, many people rekindle relationships after years of being apart. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL. Do not let your friends give you false hope about her, it's over.

    I know this sounds harsh but you have to just get on with life, meet new girls [not necessarily go out with them if you aren't ready] because it will make you realise there are other girls out there with good personalities and looks, she wasn't the only one, and by all means you may meet 'the one' at a later date.

    Just move on with your life, appreciate the good times you had with her, but don't long to have them again, it will most likely never happen.

    Focus on friends, family, having fun. Go out, and do things, to take your mind off it and before long you'll have forgotten all about the break up etc.

    Believe me you will get over it and it will feel okay.

    Just don't rush into another relationship until you know you are ready!
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    Thank you for the reply it would of been 5 years on saturday lol... suppose that makes it worse, i keep reading that it takes a long time to get over someone etc, sometimes even years... thats why i dont really understand how she has done it in just under 3 months :\.
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    Why did you break up with her out of interest?
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    I cant really recall why i broke up with her, on the day or the time i did, i cant remember what was going through my head at that very moment. Apparently i was distant from her for the last few weeks, apparently ii didnt see her sometimes as i "needed some time alone", we handt had sex much in the last few months either... i just cant remember in my head the reasons for me feeling like that. I think i had some idea that being alone was better, out of the routine so to speak and i shut down on her, sadly though she has seen what i wanted to see and i havent.
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    (Original post by Vastaux)
    Thank you for the reply it would of been 5 years on saturday lol... suppose that makes it worse, i keep reading that it takes a long time to get over someone etc, sometimes even years... thats why i dont really understand how she has done it in just under 3 months :\.
    Your situation sounds very similar to mine at the moment, but as one of my friends told me, even though they may seem 'over you', they rarely are, it's not that simple. In fact, they may even be trying to fool or tell themselves they're over it when they're not (exactly what my ex is doing now) but all I know is it takes a lot of time and patience. People move at different paces in break ups just as much as they do in relationships. I won't say 'try not to think of her' because it won't happen, I still think of my ex for quite a bit of the day but the best you can do is try and do other things and take your mind off it and eventually it'll get better.

    PM me if you need to
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    Why did you break up?
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    oops sorry already asked and answered
    did you have someone else after her?
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    Nope i havent, i have talked to a few girls... but i think i left the relationship thinking oooo yeah i want someone else straight away, probably whent into it too fast... Maybe i like her need to just get on and be happy on my own for a bit... i dunno. But no, noone else tbh... only relationship or anything i have ever had was with her... makes it 10x as hard lol.
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    I'm in the same situation Vastaux. I broke up with my girlfriend from one day and then changed my opinion the week after. She hasn't moved on that sure but I'm sure she's never gonna say that she misses you if you broke up with her and broke all contacts with her. You did a big error of judgment there - exactly the same as I did.

    I still think about my ex, but there are plenty of other girls to meet man You feel that you misses her because you're alone, love is everywhere! So yes, you have to be a little strong at the time you're alone, but when you'll be with someone, trust me, you won't think that much about her.
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    it's difficult.
 
 
 
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