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    The situation is as follows:
    I am in a LDR for about a year now. We met online and live in different cities, it was always LDR. The first half a year was absolutely wonderful.
    But then I started to crumble under the pressure of education/family probs/life and got a medical depression, needed see a counsellor, and all this..

    He did not dump me, but refused to meet as I should sort out my problems first, being with him on weekends would only have been running away from my probs, I should get well again first, he suggested. Having someone suicidal and weeping hanging around is not the most funny thing, and his workload had increased and he also worked weekends, so I understood even though it hurt. He did write the most sweet and loving emails all the time.

    Now I'm much better (I have never been suicidal but it's only me who knows that) and I wanted to meet. He did not answer, did avoid, but then he told me that he had loads of own probs with family/work/career and needs to make changes, needs to 'reconsider'.
    And that for the time being he does not want to meet, but is happy to remain in an only-online-relation. But as well he offered me to leave him and be with someone else, and that twice. Which I refused, I do love him very very much.

    This conversation was some weeks ago, and he did write less often, was distant, and made hints re us as 'life got in the way' and stuff like that. I am waiting for things to get better, and to again meet him, but I'm not sure what he wants.

    I got the -not very helpful advice- that I don't need to wait, but can dump him and move on. I know that, but i don't want to give up on us yet. he is very special to me, not my first, but the first for who I have exceptional deep feelings, he really is very special to me.

    About a week and a half ago I did write to him, in a longer mail, that I do regard us to still be together, but 'in waiting' and that I will not make assumptions as to the future of our relationship by reading between the lines of his words (that feel unsure to me at times).
    I said that if he wants it to end, he will have to tell me very explicitly.
    He did not answer that one, but sometimes he does not, or only a line, he is really struggling right now, and has just too much to work and too many things to consider. And i do give him space, I am not complaining or anything, I write short cheerful mails about the things I do, to keep in touch.

    What I now want to know: If you have a girl 'hanging' there, what would be your reason to keep the relationship that way?

    That you still really like her, want her and want to get closer again after your troubles are solved?

    Or you do not want to hurt her and just wait until she gets it (that it's over) and leaves you herself?


    sorry that it got long...
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    bump..
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    I've seen this sort of thing happen before in my own family. MY view on this (and I can't stress enough that I may not necessarily be right) is that he just wants you to be happy. LDRs are tough, so I know that it's gonna be hard for the two of you. But LDRs take a lot to work, and it's not always that they can work - he may have realised this, and doesn't want you to cling to false pretences of being together. I'm not saying he doesn't like you as much as you like him, but he may simply want the best for you - and the nature of your relationship is making it too difficult for the both of you to be truly happy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've seen this sort of thing happen before in my own family. MY view on this (and I can't stress enough that I may not necessarily be right) is that he just wants you to be happy. LDRs are tough, so I know that it's gonna be hard for the two of you. But LDRs take a lot to work, and it's not always that they can work - he may have realised this, and doesn't want you to cling to false pretences of being together. I'm not saying he doesn't like you as much as you like him, but he may simply want the best for you - and the nature of your relationship is making it too difficult for the both of you to be truly happy.
    Thank you so much for your reply.

    I understand what you mean. But it would be much easier for me if he'd just tell me it's not working for him, and he wants it to be over. I would accept that (and not whine and beg him to stay with me)
    When he offered me to leave him he said that it's not good for me, that I'd need someone with more time. But he never said that it's not good for him, if he had done that I had backed off.
    Like things are now it feels he really likes me, and as he is so special to me I do hope that things will get better. I just can't stop myself from hoping.

    I know I sound like a immature little girl, but I do think 'the best for me' is to be with him. Nobody ever was so special to me.
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    I think you need to talk to him properly about it all then. Tell him what's on your mind! I don't think he said what he did so that he can let you down gently - as I said, he may just want the best for you. Hopefully he'll understand your point of view then maybe you'll understand his
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think you need to talk to him properly about it all then. Tell him what's on your mind! I don't think he said what he did so that he can let you down gently - as I said, he may just want the best for you. Hopefully he'll understand your point of view then maybe you'll understand his
    Thank You so much, you have been very lovely

    I know I need to talk to him, but usually prefer to have serious relationship talk irl, generally.
    I'm afraid this time mail or phone or skype has to do...
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    Obviously, he wants to dump you, but can't work up the balls to do it. So he's hinted you should do it.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Obviously, he wants to dump you, but can't work up the balls to do it. So he's hinted you should do it.
    Do you have pms sweetie? ususally your replies are much more considerate.


    OP: Decide what you really want, and then have a talk with your bf, feels like it's needed.
    (I'm on LDR as well, but we're good and it's my first so I can't advise properly)
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    (Original post by AnonymusSister)
    Do you have pms sweetie? ususally your replies are much more considerate.
    "He did not answer, did avoid...needs to 'reconsider'... He did write less often, was distant, and made hints re us as 'life got in the way'...I don't need to wait, but can dump him and move on."

    His message was clear. I see no point in beating around the bush.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    "He did not answer, did avoid...needs to 'reconsider'... He did write less often, was distant, and made hints re us as 'life got in the way'...I don't need to wait, but can dump him and move on."

    His message was clear. I see no point in beating around the bush.
    Yees.. I see your point.
    I'm romantic though and like happy endings

    So guys are/can be that cowardly. In some threads here they say that they prefer the direct message -but can't always deliver themselves it seems. Some of them.
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    (Original post by AnonymusSister)
    Yees.. I see your point.
    I'm romantic though and like happy endings
    Lying to yourself about relationships is a great way to get a downer ending. Better to end it and find someone you can have a happy ending with.

    So guys are/can be that cowardly. In some threads here they say that they prefer the direct message -but can't always deliver themselves it seems. Some of them.
    A lot of people are cowardly. I wouldn't rely on your average LDR person being exceptionally good at public speaking. If they're on the internet that much they're probably not that extroverted or great at saying emotionally charged things.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've seen this sort of thing happen before in my own family. MY view on this (and I can't stress enough that I may not necessarily be right) is that he just wants you to be happy. LDRs are tough, so I know that it's gonna be hard for the two of you. But LDRs take a lot to work, and it's not always that they can work - he may have realised this, and doesn't want you to cling to false pretences of being together. I'm not saying he doesn't like you as much as you like him, but he may simply want the best for you - and the nature of your relationship is making it too difficult for the both of you to be truly happy.
    (Original post by Nepene)
    Obviously, he wants to dump you, but can't work up the balls to do it. So he's hinted you should do it.
    (Original post by AnonymusSister)
    Do you have pms sweetie? ususally your replies are much more considerate.


    OP: Decide what you really want, and then have a talk with your bf, feels like it's needed.
    (I'm on LDR as well, but we're good and it's my first so I can't advise properly)
    Thank You very much all three of you to take the time to read my long post and to share your opinion with me.
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Obviously, he wants to dump you, but can't work up the balls to do it. So he's hinted you should do it.
    I'm sorry OP, but I agree with the above.

    It may not be with malevolent intent that he can't end it, but its certainly unfair.
    Do not make someone else your priority, when you're only an option :dontknow:

    Good luck with it.
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    hi Sarah_Who, this is my first post on TSR, I think you shouldn't give up on your relationship with him, maybe he was a little unsure at some point or just didn't know what to say since it had been so long, if he's showing interest now then go for it and maintain the relationship, speaking for myself as a guy, if you want to pursue the relationship and he's a good person and considerate then why not, besides if he doesn't want to be with you he'll let you know. Wish you the best Where are you from by the way?
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Lying to yourself about relationships is a great way to get a downer ending. Better to end it and find someone you can have a happy ending with.


    A lot of people are cowardly. I wouldn't rely on your average LDR person being exceptionally good at public speaking. If they're on the internet that much they're probably not that extroverted or great at saying emotionally charged things.
    That is a good observation.

    Reminds me of when I have a conversation with my bf: I'm all emotion *grin* and he's the one who's thinking..

    OP: don't let him hide behind mails, talk to him, you deserve to know, to be able to go on (if needed).
    Alternatively -or if you just can't get him to be open and talk- break it up.
    Good Luck.
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    (Original post by pete scheude)
    hi Sarah_Who, this is my first post on TSR, I think you shouldn't give up on your relationship with him, maybe he was a little unsure at some point or just didn't know what to say since it had been so long, if he's showing interest now then go for it and maintain the relationship, speaking for myself as a guy, if you want to pursue the relationship and he's a good person and considerate then why not, besides if he doesn't want to be with you he'll let you know. Wish you the best Where are you from by the way?
    Not if he's a coward. And I guess that's what the OP is unsure about.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've seen this sort of thing happen before in my own family. MY view on this (and I can't stress enough that I may not necessarily be right) is that he just wants you to be happy. LDRs are tough, so I know that it's gonna be hard for the two of you. But LDRs take a lot to work, and it's not always that they can work - he may have realised this, and doesn't want you to cling to false pretences of being together. I'm not saying he doesn't like you as much as you like him, but he may simply want the best for you - and the nature of your relationship is making it too difficult for the both of you to be truly happy.
    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    I'm sorry OP, but I agree with the above.

    It may not be with malevolent intent that he can't end it, but its certainly unfair.
    Do not make someone else your priority, when you're only an option :dontknow:

    Good luck with it.
    (Original post by pete scheude)
    hi Sarah_Who, this is my first post on TSR, I think you shouldn't give up on your relationship with him, maybe he was a little unsure at some point or just didn't know what to say since it had been so long, if he's showing interest now then go for it and maintain the relationship, speaking for myself as a guy, if you want to pursue the relationship and he's a good person and considerate then why not, besides if he doesn't want to be with you he'll let you know. Wish you the best Where are you from by the way?
    To all of you who so sweetly took an interest and tried to comfort and to help: we're good now.

    We had a long talk, and I forced him to make up his mind and be open and direct about what he wants.
    He was worried that I might need more support than he can give me, but he loves me and wants to be with me. He did not want to be in the way for me finding one who has more time for me, but did now resign his concern re the attention I might need.

    So we talked it through and are both very happy now.

    In three years I'm finished here and move to his city anyway
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    (Original post by sarah_who)
    To all of you who so sweetly took an interest and tried to comfort and to help: we're good now.

    We had a long talk, and I forced him to make up his mind and be open and direct about what he wants.
    He was worried that I might need more support than he can give me, but he loves me and wants to be with me. He did not want to be in the way for me finding one who has more time for me, but did now resign his concern re the attention I might need.

    So we talked it through and are both very happy now.

    In three years I'm finished here and move to his city anyway
    Im very glad to hear that, thanks for the update :teeth:



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    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    Im very glad to hear that, thanks for the update :teeth:



    A big hug to you *hug* I could hug the whole world now.
 
 
 
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