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I just don't understand it!
OK, this is going to probably be a long thread, and may not make that much sense, but to be honest I dont get it either and would love some advise!
I have this 'friend' who i met at Uni and to be honest i'm quite worried about her state of mind and sanity, honestly im not joking here!
Basicly me and my other friends were on the same course as her we all knew her by face and to say hello to, but we'd never exactly sat down and chatted or got to know her or anything. Then in a lecture someone mentioned that it was my friends birthday and we were having a BBQ for it...and this girl turns up, which was fair enough there were lots of people...although no one could quite figure out who had invited her as no one knew her! We kind of assumed that she was just quite forward and thought she'd just come along...which was fine, so we all made effort with her ended up getting to know her and she seemed like a lovely, sweet normal girl!
We all made an effort to invite her out, there was quite a big group of us always going out and stuff so it was absolutely no problem to have an extra person around and initially she was so nice and fitted in it didn’t seem like there was any problem at all!
After a few months, some people started to think she was a bit odd, she'd have tantrums when we were out about how 'guys' were looking at everyone else and not her and about how ugly she was then march home at 2 in the morning, which would make us all feel awful and guilty...but we hadn't ever done anything! But also worried because girls should not be walking back on there own at 2 in the morning upset, so nights out were often getting cut short because of this as everyone would want to walk her home! Now i expect you're thinking it's a classic sign of insecurity...I get that, but the rest of the time she's so confident and outgoing it's like two totally different people! I have friends that are really insecure about things but this honestly is not like that! Since these few instances it has just got worse, but the thing i really don’t understand is that it's become totally directed at me! I have never done anything to upset her or anything, I've always tried to involve her in the group and be a good friend to her, I’ve sat with her til the early hours and listened to her problems etc, you know the things that friends do for one another! But now everything is getting directed at me and I don’t know why!
I am quite outgoing, I enjoy going out and chatting to people, but after a while she seemed to develop some kind of problem with this, but I haven’t changed from the way I used to be! Basically she has got worse and worse it’s got to the point where I’ve tried to stop being friends with her ( i sound about 10 i know) but it's difficult because she is still friends with some of my friends and i am not prepared to loose them because of her, but also a more fundamental problem is I live with her and three other girls! Now they all know she is a bit odd…for example on my friends birthday party we all had to wait four hours for her to get ready, arriving at the party at 11oclock, because she looked fat…but she’s a size 8-10!, and she's always going on about what a great figure she has etc...so she knows she is not fat! My friends are totally on my side in all of it, but also I think feel sorry for her, which I understand I think if it wasn’t directed at me and making me so angry and upset id feel sorry for her too! I know she obviously has insecurities, but it’s more than that and it’s upsetting me so much I don’t even want to go home anymore! She has such an issue with me, when I walk in a room and say hi she will ignore me, she makes bitchy comments to me constantly…but the weirdest thing is she’s started copying me….it really is so strange! Like recently I have joined the gym…now she has, she’s buying the same car as my boyfriend, which is quite distinctive and not a usual run of the mill car you know, she buys the same tops that I have just got…It’s weird! I don’t understand her and its driving me nuts! I’m tempted just to move out and then maybe that will make the situation better cos I wont be around so much to annoy her! But then I don’t want to have to leave because of her! I don’t know what to do! Any advise??
Sorry this has been such a long rant and it’s probably not that well explained either, but any advise would be so appreciated! I just want to emphasise that i am not a horrible person and I dont want to make things worse for her, she obviously has problems but at the same time she cant just take it out on who she chooses to! anyway! Thanks guys x x
I have this 'friend' who i met at Uni and to be honest i'm quite worried about her state of mind and sanity, honestly im not joking here!
Basicly me and my other friends were on the same course as her we all knew her by face and to say hello to, but we'd never exactly sat down and chatted or got to know her or anything. Then in a lecture someone mentioned that it was my friends birthday and we were having a BBQ for it...and this girl turns up, which was fair enough there were lots of people...although no one could quite figure out who had invited her as no one knew her! We kind of assumed that she was just quite forward and thought she'd just come along...which was fine, so we all made effort with her ended up getting to know her and she seemed like a lovely, sweet normal girl!
We all made an effort to invite her out, there was quite a big group of us always going out and stuff so it was absolutely no problem to have an extra person around and initially she was so nice and fitted in it didn’t seem like there was any problem at all!
After a few months, some people started to think she was a bit odd, she'd have tantrums when we were out about how 'guys' were looking at everyone else and not her and about how ugly she was then march home at 2 in the morning, which would make us all feel awful and guilty...but we hadn't ever done anything! But also worried because girls should not be walking back on there own at 2 in the morning upset, so nights out were often getting cut short because of this as everyone would want to walk her home! Now i expect you're thinking it's a classic sign of insecurity...I get that, but the rest of the time she's so confident and outgoing it's like two totally different people! I have friends that are really insecure about things but this honestly is not like that! Since these few instances it has just got worse, but the thing i really don’t understand is that it's become totally directed at me! I have never done anything to upset her or anything, I've always tried to involve her in the group and be a good friend to her, I’ve sat with her til the early hours and listened to her problems etc, you know the things that friends do for one another! But now everything is getting directed at me and I don’t know why!
I am quite outgoing, I enjoy going out and chatting to people, but after a while she seemed to develop some kind of problem with this, but I haven’t changed from the way I used to be! Basically she has got worse and worse it’s got to the point where I’ve tried to stop being friends with her ( i sound about 10 i know) but it's difficult because she is still friends with some of my friends and i am not prepared to loose them because of her, but also a more fundamental problem is I live with her and three other girls! Now they all know she is a bit odd…for example on my friends birthday party we all had to wait four hours for her to get ready, arriving at the party at 11oclock, because she looked fat…but she’s a size 8-10!, and she's always going on about what a great figure she has etc...so she knows she is not fat! My friends are totally on my side in all of it, but also I think feel sorry for her, which I understand I think if it wasn’t directed at me and making me so angry and upset id feel sorry for her too! I know she obviously has insecurities, but it’s more than that and it’s upsetting me so much I don’t even want to go home anymore! She has such an issue with me, when I walk in a room and say hi she will ignore me, she makes bitchy comments to me constantly…but the weirdest thing is she’s started copying me….it really is so strange! Like recently I have joined the gym…now she has, she’s buying the same car as my boyfriend, which is quite distinctive and not a usual run of the mill car you know, she buys the same tops that I have just got…It’s weird! I don’t understand her and its driving me nuts! I’m tempted just to move out and then maybe that will make the situation better cos I wont be around so much to annoy her! But then I don’t want to have to leave because of her! I don’t know what to do! Any advise??
Sorry this has been such a long rant and it’s probably not that well explained either, but any advise would be so appreciated! I just want to emphasise that i am not a horrible person and I dont want to make things worse for her, she obviously has problems but at the same time she cant just take it out on who she chooses to! anyway! Thanks guys x x
Reply 1
woah long post!
sounds like she's jealous of you, You're both outgoing etc etc and shes finding a little competition threatening.
the last thing you'd want to do is move out.
i say stay out of her way, which is difficult cos u live with her!
u ever talked to her about it? or what her problem is with you?
dont necessarily go up to her and say whats ur problem with me, jus say whats wrong ur acting a litle difference recently, why do u do this and that, why do u feel the need to make bitchy comments etc...
if she ignores u and denies the fact that shes acting like this then try to play her at her own game? copy her? act all moody with her?
reverse psycology.... mighy do the trick.
hope that helps
sounds like she's jealous of you, You're both outgoing etc etc and shes finding a little competition threatening.
the last thing you'd want to do is move out.
i say stay out of her way, which is difficult cos u live with her!
u ever talked to her about it? or what her problem is with you?
dont necessarily go up to her and say whats ur problem with me, jus say whats wrong ur acting a litle difference recently, why do u do this and that, why do u feel the need to make bitchy comments etc...
if she ignores u and denies the fact that shes acting like this then try to play her at her own game? copy her? act all moody with her?
reverse psycology.... mighy do the trick.
hope that helps
Reply 2
19
Hi there...
Wow, she sounds like quite a mixed up person!
With the copying you thing, it's probably her insecure part coming through and she wants to copy someone stylish so as to assure that she looks good too. That's not to say I wouldn't feel uncomfortable with it! It's surprising how many people are really confident AND really insecure. Maybe you could try inviting her out next time you go clothes shopping and don't be overt about what you like, but put the onus on her - get her to try things on then you can tell her 'oh that looks nice' or 'that other one's better' or 'shall we try this shop'. Then she might start to develop her own sense of style and grow more confident in this area.
With the way she reacts so extremely to things...this tends to be due to how people are brought up imo. I know a girl at uni like this and she sees nothing wrong with throwing a tantrum rather than negotiating when something doesn't go her way. Whether it's to get attention or because her parents have mollycoddled her, I don't know. It is extremely unnerving though and I find it difficult to be around people like this. It is upsetting and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
My advice would be to still hang out with her sometimes in the hope that she'll get over it, but also hang out with other people from your course, societies etc. Maybe she will then appreciate the time she spends with you a bit more and her behaviour won't be so erratic? Don't know.
Counselling can also help people with erratic behaviour but I wouldn't know how to go about suggesting this to someone who acts this way in case they fly off the handle! I suppose the bottom line is that if they want to sort out their behaviour then they will, and she has to want to act differently.
Hope this helps a little.
Wow, she sounds like quite a mixed up person!
With the copying you thing, it's probably her insecure part coming through and she wants to copy someone stylish so as to assure that she looks good too. That's not to say I wouldn't feel uncomfortable with it! It's surprising how many people are really confident AND really insecure. Maybe you could try inviting her out next time you go clothes shopping and don't be overt about what you like, but put the onus on her - get her to try things on then you can tell her 'oh that looks nice' or 'that other one's better' or 'shall we try this shop'. Then she might start to develop her own sense of style and grow more confident in this area.
With the way she reacts so extremely to things...this tends to be due to how people are brought up imo. I know a girl at uni like this and she sees nothing wrong with throwing a tantrum rather than negotiating when something doesn't go her way. Whether it's to get attention or because her parents have mollycoddled her, I don't know. It is extremely unnerving though and I find it difficult to be around people like this. It is upsetting and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
My advice would be to still hang out with her sometimes in the hope that she'll get over it, but also hang out with other people from your course, societies etc. Maybe she will then appreciate the time she spends with you a bit more and her behaviour won't be so erratic? Don't know.
Counselling can also help people with erratic behaviour but I wouldn't know how to go about suggesting this to someone who acts this way in case they fly off the handle! I suppose the bottom line is that if they want to sort out their behaviour then they will, and she has to want to act differently.
Hope this helps a little.
Reply 3
Tell her to come on TSR.
there are plenty of losers here who would go out with her.
there are plenty of losers here who would go out with her.
Reply 4
Anonymous
OK, this is going to probably be a long thread, and may not make that much sense, but to be honest I dont get it either and would love some advise!
I have this 'friend' who i met at Uni and to be honest i'm quite worried about her state of mind and sanity, honestly im not joking here!
Basicly me and my other friends were on the same course as her we all knew her by face and to say hello to, but we'd never exactly sat down and chatted or got to know her or anything. Then in a lecture someone mentioned that it was my friends birthday and we were having a BBQ for it...and this girl turns up, which was fair enough there were lots of people...although no one could quite figure out who had invited her as no one knew her! We kind of assumed that she was just quite forward and thought she'd just come along...which was fine, so we all made effort with her ended up getting to know her and she seemed like a lovely, sweet normal girl!
We all made an effort to invite her out, there was quite a big group of us always going out and stuff so it was absolutely no problem to have an extra person around and initially she was so nice and fitted in it didn’t seem like there was any problem at all!
After a few months, some people started to think she was a bit odd, she'd have tantrums when we were out about how 'guys' were looking at everyone else and not her and about how ugly she was then march home at 2 in the morning, which would make us all feel awful and guilty...but we hadn't ever done anything! But also worried because girls should not be walking back on there own at 2 in the morning upset, so nights out were often getting cut short because of this as everyone would want to walk her home! Now i expect you're thinking it's a classic sign of insecurity...I get that, but the rest of the time she's so confident and outgoing it's like two totally different people! I have friends that are really insecure about things but this honestly is not like that! Since these few instances it has just got worse, but the thing i really don’t understand is that it's become totally directed at me! I have never done anything to upset her or anything, I've always tried to involve her in the group and be a good friend to her, I’ve sat with her til the early hours and listened to her problems etc, you know the things that friends do for one another! But now everything is getting directed at me and I don’t know why!
I am quite outgoing, I enjoy going out and chatting to people, but after a while she seemed to develop some kind of problem with this, but I haven’t changed from the way I used to be! Basically she has got worse and worse it’s got to the point where I’ve tried to stop being friends with her ( i sound about 10 i know) but it's difficult because she is still friends with some of my friends and i am not prepared to loose them because of her, but also a more fundamental problem is I live with her and three other girls! Now they all know she is a bit odd…for example on my friends birthday party we all had to wait four hours for her to get ready, arriving at the party at 11oclock, because she looked fat…but she’s a size 8-10!, and she's always going on about what a great figure she has etc...so she knows she is not fat! My friends are totally on my side in all of it, but also I think feel sorry for her, which I understand I think if it wasn’t directed at me and making me so angry and upset id feel sorry for her too! I know she obviously has insecurities, but it’s more than that and it’s upsetting me so much I don’t even want to go home anymore! She has such an issue with me, when I walk in a room and say hi she will ignore me, she makes bitchy comments to me constantly…but the weirdest thing is she’s started copying me….it really is so strange! Like recently I have joined the gym…now she has, she’s buying the same car as my boyfriend, which is quite distinctive and not a usual run of the mill car you know, she buys the same tops that I have just got…It’s weird! I don’t understand her and its driving me nuts! I’m tempted just to move out and then maybe that will make the situation better cos I wont be around so much to annoy her! But then I don’t want to have to leave because of her! I don’t know what to do! Any advise??
Sorry this has been such a long rant and it’s probably not that well explained either, but any advise would be so appreciated! I just want to emphasise that i am not a horrible person and I dont want to make things worse for her, she obviously has problems but at the same time she cant just take it out on who she chooses to! anyway! Thanks guys x x
I have this 'friend' who i met at Uni and to be honest i'm quite worried about her state of mind and sanity, honestly im not joking here!
Basicly me and my other friends were on the same course as her we all knew her by face and to say hello to, but we'd never exactly sat down and chatted or got to know her or anything. Then in a lecture someone mentioned that it was my friends birthday and we were having a BBQ for it...and this girl turns up, which was fair enough there were lots of people...although no one could quite figure out who had invited her as no one knew her! We kind of assumed that she was just quite forward and thought she'd just come along...which was fine, so we all made effort with her ended up getting to know her and she seemed like a lovely, sweet normal girl!
We all made an effort to invite her out, there was quite a big group of us always going out and stuff so it was absolutely no problem to have an extra person around and initially she was so nice and fitted in it didn’t seem like there was any problem at all!
After a few months, some people started to think she was a bit odd, she'd have tantrums when we were out about how 'guys' were looking at everyone else and not her and about how ugly she was then march home at 2 in the morning, which would make us all feel awful and guilty...but we hadn't ever done anything! But also worried because girls should not be walking back on there own at 2 in the morning upset, so nights out were often getting cut short because of this as everyone would want to walk her home! Now i expect you're thinking it's a classic sign of insecurity...I get that, but the rest of the time she's so confident and outgoing it's like two totally different people! I have friends that are really insecure about things but this honestly is not like that! Since these few instances it has just got worse, but the thing i really don’t understand is that it's become totally directed at me! I have never done anything to upset her or anything, I've always tried to involve her in the group and be a good friend to her, I’ve sat with her til the early hours and listened to her problems etc, you know the things that friends do for one another! But now everything is getting directed at me and I don’t know why!
I am quite outgoing, I enjoy going out and chatting to people, but after a while she seemed to develop some kind of problem with this, but I haven’t changed from the way I used to be! Basically she has got worse and worse it’s got to the point where I’ve tried to stop being friends with her ( i sound about 10 i know) but it's difficult because she is still friends with some of my friends and i am not prepared to loose them because of her, but also a more fundamental problem is I live with her and three other girls! Now they all know she is a bit odd…for example on my friends birthday party we all had to wait four hours for her to get ready, arriving at the party at 11oclock, because she looked fat…but she’s a size 8-10!, and she's always going on about what a great figure she has etc...so she knows she is not fat! My friends are totally on my side in all of it, but also I think feel sorry for her, which I understand I think if it wasn’t directed at me and making me so angry and upset id feel sorry for her too! I know she obviously has insecurities, but it’s more than that and it’s upsetting me so much I don’t even want to go home anymore! She has such an issue with me, when I walk in a room and say hi she will ignore me, she makes bitchy comments to me constantly…but the weirdest thing is she’s started copying me….it really is so strange! Like recently I have joined the gym…now she has, she’s buying the same car as my boyfriend, which is quite distinctive and not a usual run of the mill car you know, she buys the same tops that I have just got…It’s weird! I don’t understand her and its driving me nuts! I’m tempted just to move out and then maybe that will make the situation better cos I wont be around so much to annoy her! But then I don’t want to have to leave because of her! I don’t know what to do! Any advise??
Sorry this has been such a long rant and it’s probably not that well explained either, but any advise would be so appreciated! I just want to emphasise that i am not a horrible person and I dont want to make things worse for her, she obviously has problems but at the same time she cant just take it out on who she chooses to! anyway! Thanks guys x x
Theres only one possible reponse to this. just 'women'.
glad women get the same grief from their own kind! lol
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