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There is this one girl...

Hi,

There is this one girl who is now my best friend.

When I was 14 I kinda had a crush on her. The more I got to know her, the more I began to like her. I wasn't confident enough to tell her I liked her back then and I was affraid that she would reject me. I would look foward just to spend a History or English lesson with her and to try and impress her. I gradually became funnier and more popular just because I was trying to impress this girl with my wit and humor and became more confident, but still not confident enough to tell her. Things were goin well, we became good mates.
Then she got herself a boyfriend. A guy from out of school, that she knew for a year and had failed to mention before. I was distraught and very very unhappy. None-the-less I put a brave face on continued as if I just wanted to be friends. I hoped that they wouldn't last and that it was just one of them 2 week relationships. But it went on. In the summer holidays her and her bf went through alot of arguments and she turned to me for help. I gave her advice and made her feel better with words of comfort. We became very close and we became best friends. Then we entered 6th form college and because of our timetables saw less and less of each other.Her bf goes to a seperate college. We had loads of arguements about it and went through a rough patch. I told her that I liked her for the past 2 years and we decided to keep it to a hello thing. Well that lasted for about 2 days and then we resolved our issues. Now we are closer than ever before. We see enough of each other and hang out together, sometimes.

I love her and I want her to be mine. We are perfect for each other and it hurts to think she is in love with another man. We have everything in common and have every ambition the same. Everytime she gives me a text I hope its news that she breaks up with him. I love her and I want her to be mine.

Now im beginning to realise maybe its just not ment to be. We are best friends and I can't distance her from me because I love her so much. I don't want to get in the way of her and his relationship because she seems very happy. I think of her everyday and every night, looking back at the memories we have had and still hoping that maybe one day she would be mine. But I know that it's for the best if I can somehow get over her. I love her and I want her to be mine. But its not ment to be...

How can I solve this...

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Ask her how she feels and if she's willing to break up with her current maybe??
Reply 2
She will never break up with him. I've told her I liked her and then to keep our friendship goin I sacraficed my love for her.
Reply 3
She will never break up with him. I've told her I liked her and then to keep our friendship goin I sacraficed my love for her.
thats really difficult...you are obviously very sure of your feelings but then you also know that she is happy with her current boyfriend. the thing is, your love for her could come between you in the end. jealousy is a very tricky emotion and she is unlikely to realise how hard it is for you to control it. you cant live your life wanting something you cant have. you have to try and move on, to other girls. have you been with anyone since u were 14? its hard yeh it will be, but it is for the best. if u love her u will want her to be happy and let her go. it may be easier to put distance between yourselves..that way u can get on with your life and meet new people. good luck xx
Mate, I've been in your situation before, and kicked myself for not taking the chance. Just tell her how you feel, not too heavily, just that you like her in a special way and would like to see more of her.

Consider this post my kicking you. Early enough, I hope.
Reply 6
That is an awful situation.

What is your thinking about how she regards you (say if she did break up with her bf)? Is it realistic to think that she would go out with you if that happened?
Reply 7
I've always come to the conclusion that the girls I've liked a lot are well out of my league and so have slowly got over them.
Reply 8
Well I know I she said to me once that If her bf wasn't there then things would be alot different between me and her. I beleive she ment that me and her would be together. But I could of course be wrong...
Reply 9
Anonymous
Well I know I she said to me once that If her bf wasn't there then things would be alot different between me and her. I beleive she ment that me and her would be together. But I could of course be wrong...


Sounds as though she likes you too and shes enjoying the chase, try making it seem like you are not that interested and see how she reacts.
I could be wrong..
Reply 10
Reminds me of a situation I once had...maybe you could let her know of your feelings, but never push it and try to force your way closer to her telling her how you love her so, that'll drive her away. While I wouldn't advise you to have false hopes, it's unlikely that her and her bf are inseparable - I have seen many seemingly 'inseparable' couples part ways. Honestly in this type of situation, at least one person will be hurt and it may be you...I would just try to enjoy the close friendship you have with her and try not dream of deep love with her, and try, try not to have false hope, although this can sometimes be difficult.

Anonymous
Well I know I she said to me once that If her bf wasn't there then things would be alot different between me and her. I beleive she ment that me and her would be together. But I could of course be wrong...


The girl with which I was in a similar situation said exactly the same thing - "If I didn't have a boyfriend I would love to go out with you...but I can't". Again, you can't take it literally, but it certainly seems that she has some feelings for you. However, if you remain elusive (in terms of being a partner) and a "prize" she will start to want you more, but the more you try to show how much you love her, the closer she will become to her bf and further from you.
Reply 11
Thanks alot guys :smile:
Reply 12
What a harsh world we live in. Just keep your friendship goin for now. Ease it off slowly. Try and see other girls, hopefully one day she will realize...
alio~
Sounds as though she likes you too and shes enjoying the chase, try making it seem like you are not that interested and see how she reacts.
I could be wrong..

Don't do that, don't play games just go for it.
Mate, if she has got a boyfriend then there is NO POINT going on about how you feel to her, it will just put her in an inappropriate position. If she was going to ditch her boyfriend for you she would have done.
Bide your time and carry on being her friend. She is young, right, so realistically the odds of her staying with her current boyfriend forever are slim. If she has already been having rows with him then there are some signs that there are cracks there anyway.
Allow yourself to consider the possibilities of taking an interest in other girls, even if you don't completely abandon hope of this girl you like, if she becomes single in the future, especially if she has had a bad experience with this current bf, she will be more picky about choosing someone reliable who she knows she can trust.
It is a difficult situation, really bad, I am still a little bit in this situation with one of my exes who I never wanted to split up with and now has another bf although her and me are really good mates still.
You have to just control the controllables, and her having a bf at the moment is not a factor you can control, all you can control is being the nicest possible person you can be to her, and she will remember it if a window of single-ness opens
Reply 15
I do reckon it is sligtly unfair for you to wish that they would break up, because she is obviously happy with him and if she did break up with her, then she would be upset, as a close friend surely you would not want that to happen?

It is good that you give her good advice. Some people would give bad advice and hope for the worst. She knows you like her so now you just wait and see. Remember that she is still friends with you, so you don't want to ruin that. :smile:
MagicNMedicine
Mate, if she has got a boyfriend then there is NO POINT going on about how you feel to her, it will just put her in an inappropriate position. If she was going to ditch her boyfriend for you she would have done.
Bide your time and carry on being her friend. She is young, right, so realistically the odds of her staying with her current boyfriend forever are slim. If she has already been having rows with him then there are some signs that there are cracks there anyway.
Allow yourself to consider the possibilities of taking an interest in other girls, even if you don't completely abandon hope of this girl you like, if she becomes single in the future, especially if she has had a bad experience with this current bf, she will be more picky about choosing someone reliable who she knows she can trust.
It is a difficult situation, really bad, I am still a little bit in this situation with one of my exes who I never wanted to split up with and now has another bf although her and me are really good mates still.
You have to just control the controllables, and her having a bf at the moment is not a factor you can control, all you can control is being the nicest possible person you can be to her, and she will remember it if a window of single-ness opens

Oooh thats good, forget what I said, go with that.
Reply 17
these dilemmas are very hard to resolve i understand your point and am kinda goin thru it myself. you feel like crap and feel as if there is nothing you can do, but as you you are very good friends with her and think about this do you want to squander that over this possible crush. i mean maybe we are just too young and think too much into things. or maybe be one day she will realise that you are the one and fall into your arms and you live happily ever after. i hope it works out for u and me i really do! just keep smiling and be the best mate that you could be. another thing is this affecting your school stuff or anything like that?
Reply 18
I'll think I will have to bide my time. Not much else I can do. I have never done any work really, so it doesn't really affect my work. I rekon its beacuse I have so much spare time I think about her so much. So I think I might aswell start working and create new interests maybe I can get my mind off her. Im not too worried about my school work being affected because its not very hard really
Reply 19
Let her know that you care for her and that you value her as a person but by no means try to pressure her into anything as it will only make things awkward between you and damage your friendship. It's understandable that your predicament is tiring you out but you've already explicitly stated to her how you feel and there isn't much else you can do.

To reiterate, just let her know how much you value her as a person. She'll love you as a person if you maintan a great friendship. And who knows, it's likely that she may reciprocate your feelings one day in her own time.