I've never enjoyed sex, fed up. Watch

Anonymous #1
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#1
I've recently got a new boyfriend. We've been together for a month, and haven't yet had sex.

I've had sex with 4 different men in the past, and not once have I enjoyed it. I've felt nothing. I get the pre-sex urge to do it, get incredibly turned on and up for it, then when it actually happens, I'm let down. It sort of really ruins things, because I'd love to feel satisfied after sex.

I don't want this to happen with my new boyfriend, I'm sick of feeling let down. I get the usual urge to do it with him when we are passionately kissing, but I can predict that if we then had sex, I'd be let down AGAIN. For the record, I don't enjoy anything else either, like oral or touching. I enjoying doing things for the man, but that doesn't really satisfy me in the same way.

Sex isn't everything in a relationship, it's more about the emotional things for me. I do, however, think that it's nice to have a good sex life, and I'm getting really down about never having had this.

I know sex tips aren't allowed, I'm not asking for sex tips, I'm just wondering if there's a reason why I've never enjoyed it, because I feel like I'm missing out so much, and will never be satisfied by a boyfriend
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Rarrgh
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If your using condoms they can drastically de-sensatise the experience, anytime i've used a condom neither me or the girl i was with could enjoy it, but without where always fine
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Anonymous #1
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Nah I don't think it's been condoms. I do agree with you on that point, but I've had sex with and without one so... :/ Thanks for the reply though.
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HARRY PUTAH
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So what exactly happens during sex for you?

You're not stimulated by touch?

There is touching and 'feeling up' where you know how to push a girls buttons. Straight up sticking a finger in or devouring her boobs wont turn a girl on.

is this you?
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Ebolarama
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When you say you don't enjoy it do you mean you don't have orgasms? or you get no pleasure from penetration? Do you know how to have an orgasm by yourself? If you dont then you should learn, don't expect the guy you're with to know what he's doing, you have to show him what you like. It completely normal for girls not to orgasm from penetrative sex. Find what works for you fingers/tonges/toys. And talk about what you want, i think thats the only way to feel 'satisfied' he's not a mind reader after all... Thats the foundation of good sex- communication.
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Anonymous #1
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I don't orgasm, but I don't feel any sort of pleasure either. I thought at first it must have been the guy, but could I have been unlucky enough to have 4 guys in a row who are terrible?! I can orgasm on my own fine.

I am stimulated by touch, I like certain things, but (to put it bluntly) things like oral, fingering and sex, don't do anything for me. They don't even stimulate me in the slightest. I'm just getting worried there's something wrong with me

If I'm with a guy and then he is kissing my neck, or breasts or something, that gets me really in the mood and stimulates me, then I want to just have sex or do something more, but then it lets me down because I get nothing out of it whatsoever...
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Sabi_
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If you can make yourself come, then why do that? Get him to kiss you/your breasts/neck/whatever turns you on so he is involved. You can also do it during intercourse, but you may have to work up to it as it be a bit distracting.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't orgasm, but I don't feel any sort of pleasure either. I thought at first it must have been the guy, but could I have been unlucky enough to have 4 guys in a row who are terrible?! I can orgasm on my own fine.
Yes, you can be that unlucky. There are a LOT of guys who aren't interested in doing much for a woman, or who won't do anything to make sure she gets off if she doesn't ensure it herself.

It took me until I was 30 to learn to have an orgasm through intercourse. In the year between losing my virginity and then, I encountered at least 2 guys who never even asked if I'd had an orgasm - ever. Men I had sex with multiple times, one of who I was with for nearly a year. I had always masturbated alone, but I was 23 before I met a guy who was actually interested in finding out how to bring me off - as in, making an effort rather than relying on me to know what to do and tell him. If it hasn't happened to you before, you often don't know what to do to get there, and it requires a man to be a lot more patient and intent on pleasing you.

Up to 70% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Bear that in mind. Even now, I usually have to 'help myself' by masturbating at the same time in order to have an orgasm during intercourse. Over the years I have found positions that stimulate me more - for some women, that equals g-spot stimulation, for others, positions where their clit is being rubbed in some way.

Not all girls like oral, and a lot of men aren't that great at it. I prefer fingers, really. Often it helps if you are really into the guy, including emotionally. It sounds cliched, but if you aren't expecting to enjoy it, you won't. Using your imagination to increase your own arousal/pleasure is a big part of sex.

Orgasm and pleasure just happen for some people. It just happened for me through masturbation, but everything else I had to learn. Having someone else give me an orgasm was a barrier for me, it was hard to achieve, but once I'd learnt to come that way, it was easy. The same for oral sex and intercourse... once you know the path you're on, it becomes far easier.

I think you need to find a man who is REALLY interested in pleasing you sexually, and prepared to make a huge effort to find out how to get you there, not just go on doing what he has always done with other girls and not bother to find out which buttons to press for you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes, you can be that unlucky. There are a LOT of guys who aren't interested in doing much for a woman, or who won't do anything to make sure she gets off if she doesn't ensure it herself.

It took me until I was 30 to learn to have an orgasm through intercourse. In the year between losing my virginity and then, I encountered at least 2 guys who never even asked if I'd had an orgasm - ever. Men I had sex with multiple times, one of who I was with for nearly a year. I had always masturbated alone, but I was 23 before I met a guy who was actually interested in finding out how to bring me off - as in, making an effort rather than relying on me to know what to do and tell him. If it hasn't happened to you before, you often don't know what to do to get there, and it requires a man to be a lot more patient and intent on pleasing you.

Up to 70% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Bear that in mind. Even now, I usually have to 'help myself' by masturbating at the same time in order to have an orgasm during intercourse. Over the years I have found positions that stimulate me more - for some women, that equals g-spot stimulation, for others, positions where their clit is being rubbed in some way.

Not all girls like oral, and a lot of men aren't that great at it. I prefer fingers, really. Often it helps if you are really into the guy, including emotionally. It sounds cliched, but if you aren't expecting to enjoy it, you won't. Using your imagination to increase your own arousal/pleasure is a big part of sex.

Orgasm and pleasure just happen for some people. It just happened for me through masturbation, but everything else I had to learn. Having someone else give me an orgasm was a barrier for me, it was hard to achieve, but once I'd learnt to come that way, it was easy. The same for oral sex and intercourse... once you know the path you're on, it becomes far easier.

I think you need to find a man who is REALLY interested in pleasing you sexually, and prepared to make a huge effort to find out how to get you there, not just go on doing what he has always done with other girls and not bother to find out which buttons to press for you.
I've heard this a lot, and I do believe it, but do these women actually enjoy sex? So, does it feel good for them even if they don't orgasm. Because it just literally feels like nothing for me! Thank you for the excellent reply by the way. My boyfriend at the moment seems rather caring, however we are taking it slow sexually, so I can't say I will know how it is yet. I feel like it's quite serious with him, so I would really like to have an amazing sex life to accompany our amazing relationship! It's always been the one thing thats been wrong in the past...


Bumping this as well as replying.
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little_ladyy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've heard this a lot, and I do believe it, but do these women actually enjoy sex? So, does it feel good for them even if they don't orgasm. Because it just literally feels like nothing for me! Thank you for the excellent reply by the way. My boyfriend at the moment seems rather caring, however we are taking it slow sexually, so I can't say I will know how it is yet. I feel like it's quite serious with him, so I would really like to have an amazing sex life to accompany our amazing relationship! It's always been the one thing thats been wrong in the past...


Bumping this as well as replying.
I do very much enjoy the penetration, but I never come when penetrated. I come only by clitoral stimulation, and that is more usual for women.
And there are quite some guys out there who are not really that good, or don't really want to ask you, or too shy to try new things -or they do excatly what their last gf liked...:mad: -and then wonder why you 'function'*otherwise.

You are welcome to pm me, then I can go more into detail with things.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by little_ladyy)
I do very much enjoy the penetration, but I never come when penetrated. I come only by clitoral stimulation, and that is more usual for women.
And there are quite some guys out there who are not really that good, or don't really want to ask you, or too shy to try new things -or they do excatly what their last gf liked...:mad: -and then wonder why you 'function'*otherwise.

You are welcome to pm me, then I can go more into detail with things.
This is the same for me. I can only come through clitoral stimulation too, and even when my boyfriend does that, he sometimes goes too hard and too fast. In fact, all guys I've been with have gone with the fast and hard technique, and I have to tell them all they're hurting me and to be gentle! I don't know if that's what other girls like, or if guys think that girls like it.

My first boyfriend never asked me what I wanted, and I'm not sure he knew where the clitoris was. I never orgasmed with him. It was only in my second and current relationship that I realised what I was missing. My boyfriend was very sweet and when he realised he didn't know how to make me come, he asked me what he can do for me. He was the first guy ever to make me orgasm, two years after my first time having sex. I also like it when we are in a position where he hits my g-spot.

I think that if you can feel pleasure while you're doing it yourself, you should try and transfer what you are doing to when you are with a partner. Figure out what you enjoy, there has to be something?
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little_ladyy
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(Original post by Anonymous)

I think that if you can feel pleasure while you're doing it yourself, you should try and transfer what you are doing to when you are with a partner. Figure out what you enjoy, there has to be something?
That exactly.
Try out loads of things by yourself, what turns you on in your mind (juicy parts in certain books) what feels good when you do it -and then transfer it to what you are doing, feeling when you are with your bf.
And as the situation is different when you are with him, do allow some time for it to 'work' it will not immediately be the same when he's around, but eventually it will.
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beci.please
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I'd had sex with 5 guys before the guy that I'm currently seeing.
I've always had a really high sex drive, so got the "urge" and i proper super duper love the foreplay side of it, but the actual sex was always "meh" - I basically looked at it as being there for him to enjoy because it did next to nothing for me.
Howevs, I've been seeing this fella for like, 8 months now and the sex is amazing. He takes the time to make sure I'm super turned on and when he actually penetrates me it feels ridiculously awesome.
THUS: Sometimes you can be unlucky enough to meet a mass of bad sex.

I still can't orgasm through penetration alone, but we both took the time to play around and learn what does it for both of us, so there hasn't been a time where I haven't orgasmed at the end of it. I love oral, so that does it fo' me, but you say that you can make yourself orgasm, do that?
If i'm into the sex, I want to *** during the sex, and so i'll touch myself as he ****s me. Works.

You just need to play around with it. It's supposed to be fun anyway, so you might as well just throw yourself into it instead of worrying about how terrible it's going to be.
I mean, you haven't even had sex but you've already wrote it off as being ****.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by beci.please)
I'd had sex with 5 guys before the guy that I'm currently seeing.
I've always had a really high sex drive, so got the "urge" and i proper super duper love the foreplay side of it, but the actual sex was always "meh" - I basically looked at it as being there for him to enjoy because it did next to nothing for me.
Howevs, I've been seeing this fella for like, 8 months now and the sex is amazing. He takes the time to make sure I'm super turned on and when he actually penetrates me it feels ridiculously awesome.
THUS: Sometimes you can be unlucky enough to meet a mass of bad sex.

I still can't orgasm through penetration alone, but we both took the time to play around and learn what does it for both of us, so there hasn't been a time where I haven't orgasmed at the end of it. I love oral, so that does it fo' me, but you say that you can make yourself orgasm, do that?
If i'm into the sex, I want to *** during the sex, and so i'll touch myself as he ****s me. Works.

You just need to play around with it. It's supposed to be fun anyway, so you might as well just throw yourself into it instead of worrying about how terrible it's going to be.
I mean, you haven't even had sex but you've already wrote it off as being ****.
(Original post by little_ladyy)
That exactly.
Try out loads of things by yourself, what turns you on in your mind (juicy parts in certain books) what feels good when you do it -and then transfer it to what you are doing, feeling when you are with your bf.
And as the situation is different when you are with him, do allow some time for it to 'work' it will not immediately be the same when he's around, but eventually it will.
Problem is, I can't transfer what I do on my own, because I use a vibrator. Well, of course, that could be transferred, but I'd really like to have one without it. I find it impossible to give myself one without a vibrator.


beci.please, you have a point that I'm probably writing it off too soon since I haven't even had sex with him yet. He's a virgin, so I'm not expecting greatness at first.
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little_ladyy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Problem is, I can't transfer what I do on my own, because I use a vibrator. Well, of course, that could be transferred, but I'd really like to have one without it. I find it impossible to give myself one without a vibrator.


beci.please, you have a point that I'm probably writing it off too soon since I haven't even had sex with him yet. He's a virgin, so I'm not expecting greatness at first.
Why not use a vibrator when with him? And go on at masturbating yourself without a vibrator, and try to find out what feels good for you. I always read a lot on the net, and tried out new things, so I eventually found out things that I liked very much doing, and that did make me more horny than other things, and that made me come more easily than other things. So don't give up reading, asking, and trying out new things. Sex really is very much fun.

And as your bf is new and you never had sex before: don't worry yet. Maybe he's the one to push all your buttons, you can't know, can you? The more you are in love, like him, know him, feel close, the more you can relax, and the easier you reach an orgasm.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've heard this a lot, and I do believe it, but do these women actually enjoy sex? So, does it feel good for them even if they don't orgasm. Because it just literally feels like nothing for me! Thank you for the excellent reply by the way. My boyfriend at the moment seems rather caring, however we are taking it slow sexually, so I can't say I will know how it is yet. I feel like it's quite serious with him, so I would really like to have an amazing sex life to accompany our amazing relationship! It's always been the one thing thats been wrong in the past...


Bumping this as well as replying.
TBH, the position really affects what it feels like for me. I'v discovered that until I get really aroused inside, which can take a little while and in specific positions, intercourse doesn't feel that great, it does feel nothing. Only certain positions do it for me. Then other times it just felt nice but it was never going to take me near the edge. The first time I had sex I thought 'Jesus, is that it?' but it has become good for me over the years through getting to understand my body more and I hope it will for you, too x
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Problem is, I can't transfer what I do on my own, because I use a vibrator. Well, of course, that could be transferred, but I'd really like to have one without it. I find it impossible to give myself one without a vibrator.


beci.please, you have a point that I'm probably writing it off too soon since I haven't even had sex with him yet. He's a virgin, so I'm not expecting greatness at first.
Why not really try to teach yourself other ways to orgasm?

As a teen, I started masturbating with my legs together and tensing my muscles. When I first masturbated, I could orgasm with my legs relaxed, but over time my body got into the habit of orgasm only when I tensed and straightened my legs and I couldn't do it any other way - which made it difficult with a boyfriend, even for oral! That stopped me having an orgasm during intercourse for years, I couldn't even orgasm if I touched myself at the same time because I couldn't get my legs in the right position. So I gradually taught myself to do it with one leg relaxed. Then with my knees apart and feet together.

You know what? It was incredibly difficult and took ages to train myself, still takes me longer than the way I was always used to, but I can do it and I couldn't before. And recently, I managed to orgasm with my legs fully relaxed (on my own, though! I couldn't replicate it with my boyfriend). I still need to tense my legs against something usually, but even so, it is an improvement. So you can learn other ways to orgasm, even if it is difficult - you just need to persevere and think of something that turns you on.

Maybe allow yourself the vibrator during intercourse to start with? It might help you to experience pleasure during intercourse, and connect pleasure with it. It might intensify what you feel during intercourse, or give you feelings that you didn't have before.
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HARRY PUTAH
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is the same for me. I can only come through clitoral stimulation too, and even when my boyfriend does that, he sometimes goes too hard and too fast. In fact, all guys I've been with have gone with the fast and hard technique, and I have to tell them all they're hurting me and to be gentle! I don't know if that's what other girls like, or if guys think that girls like it.

My first boyfriend never asked me what I wanted, and I'm not sure he knew where the clitoris was. I never orgasmed with him. It was only in my second and current relationship that I realised what I was missing. My boyfriend was very sweet and when he realised he didn't know how to make me come, he asked me what he can do for me. He was the first guy ever to make me orgasm, two years after my first time having sex. I also like it when we are in a position where he hits my g-spot.

I think that if you can feel pleasure while you're doing it yourself, you should try and transfer what you are doing to when you are with a partner. Figure out what you enjoy, there has to be something?

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes, you can be that unlucky. There are a LOT of guys who aren't interested in doing much for a woman, or who won't do anything to make sure she gets off if she doesn't ensure it herself.

It took me until I was 30 to learn to have an orgasm through intercourse. In the year between losing my virginity and then, I encountered at least 2 guys who never even asked if I'd had an orgasm - ever. Men I had sex with multiple times, one of who I was with for nearly a year. I had always masturbated alone, but I was 23 before I met a guy who was actually interested in finding out how to bring me off - as in, making an effort rather than relying on me to know what to do and tell him. If it hasn't happened to you before, you often don't know what to do to get there, and it requires a man to be a lot more patient and intent on pleasing you.

Up to 70% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Bear that in mind. Even now, I usually have to 'help myself' by masturbating at the same time in order to have an orgasm during intercourse. Over the years I have found positions that stimulate me more - for some women, that equals g-spot stimulation, for others, positions where their clit is being rubbed in some way.

Not all girls like oral, and a lot of men aren't that great at it. I prefer fingers, really. Often it helps if you are really into the guy, including emotionally. It sounds cliched, but if you aren't expecting to enjoy it, you won't. Using your imagination to increase your own arousal/pleasure is a big part of sex.

Orgasm and pleasure just happen for some people. It just happened for me through masturbation, but everything else I had to learn. Having someone else give me an orgasm was a barrier for me, it was hard to achieve, but once I'd learnt to come that way, it was easy. The same for oral sex and intercourse... once you know the path you're on, it becomes far easier.

I think you need to find a man who is REALLY interested in pleasing you sexually, and prepared to make a huge effort to find out how to get you there, not just go on doing what he has always done with other girls and not bother to find out which buttons to press for you.
They say communication is key for good sex, but unfortunately the reality for many men and women is bad from the start if their partner isn't interested in the first place.

I've kissed a woman who believed a full on open mouth is erotic and licking my face as well. Serious here she licked my face and wanted to explore my nose by the looks of it. Lets just say it was a 1 off.
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Anonymous #4
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OP I have exactly the same problem. I've never, ever enjoyed sex with anyone that I've had it with. I have the same problems as you - I can be up for it but once it's actually happening I just don't feel anything at all and am not interested in the least. I have to try and hurry my boyfriend up because I actually feel uncomfortable in every way with us having sex. It's not that I don't feel ready, I do, I just don't get any pleasure out of it whatsoever.
I know that many women find it difficult to get pleasure from intercourse and actually get pleasure from clitoral stimulation instead, and playing with vibrators on your own is a great way to "find yourself" sexually in this way. I know it worked for me and I orgasmed for the first time ever with a vibrator and that is the only way I am ever able to orgasm and feel pleasure.
It is a massive problem when you find it difficult to orgasm or get any pleasure during sex with your partner though I don't have any advice, only empathy. It might be worth mentioning your problem to your GP? Hope things improve for you.
Oh, and it might be worth telling your boyfriend all this stuff - you want to explain that this is a sexual problem for you, it's *not* because he's not doing it right, it's just that you struggle to get any pleasure out of it. Really emphasise the fact that he's not doing anything wrong. You don't want to cause unnecessary friction in that respect so honesty is the best policy, or he might get frustrated and upset thinking that he's the one who's causing it when that's not the case at all (speaking from personal experience!)
Oh, and do make sure you're not on any medication that could be causing this too otherwise you might want to ask your GP to be put on something different.
Good luck.
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little_ladyy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why not really try to teach yourself other ways to orgasm?

As a teen, I started masturbating with my legs together and tensing my muscles. When I first masturbated, I could orgasm with my legs relaxed, but over time my body got into the habit of orgasm only when I tensed and straightened my legs and I couldn't do it any other way - which made it difficult with a boyfriend, even for oral! That stopped me having an orgasm during intercourse for years, I couldn't even orgasm if I touched myself at the same time because I couldn't get my legs in the right position. So I gradually taught myself to do it with one leg relaxed. Then with my knees apart and feet together.

You know what? It was incredibly difficult and took ages to train myself, still takes me longer than the way I was always used to, but I can do it and I couldn't before. And recently, I managed to orgasm with my legs fully relaxed (on my own, though! I couldn't replicate it with my boyfriend). I still need to tense my legs against something usually, but even so, it is an improvement. So you can learn other ways to orgasm, even if it is difficult - you just need to persevere and think of something that turns you on.

Maybe allow yourself the vibrator during intercourse to start with? It might help you to experience pleasure during intercourse, and connect pleasure with it. It might intensify what you feel during intercourse, or give you feelings that you didn't have before.
My experiences are similar.
I could only reach an orgasm in the one position I always used for masturbating.
And I had to really train to reach an orgasm any other way. It really is a matter of training, and takes time, but it is possible.
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