I've never enjoyed sex, fed up. Watch

Rarrgh
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#21
Report 7 years ago
#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't orgasm, but I don't feel any sort of pleasure either. I thought at first it must have been the guy, but could I have been unlucky enough to have 4 guys in a row who are terrible?! I can orgasm on my own fine.

I am stimulated by touch, I like certain things, but (to put it bluntly) things like oral, fingering and sex, don't do anything for me. They don't even stimulate me in the slightest. I'm just getting worried there's something wrong with me

If I'm with a guy and then he is kissing my neck, or breasts or something, that gets me really in the mood and stimulates me, then I want to just have sex or do something more, but then it lets me down because I get nothing out of it whatsoever...
If the usual stuff just isn't doing it for you, then do what is... It could be that you have just been very unlucky with guys, but if there is something you know you like do it, and if it something as simple as kissing your neck or breasts, well get him to do that while you have sex or do stuff.

Or if he is unable to for any reason, then try and find something you can do on your own to try and stimulate yourself while he's doing what he's doing. Also if the conventional stuff doesn't work, try more stuff like positions or toys, you never know you may find a position in which you love.

No harm in trying. Good Luck
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Sazzy890
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#22
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#22
I think it is probably psychological. I used to get this in the past, but thankfully for me it is resolved now! But I do believe that it was psychological and I don't really know how I changed that. I know it wasn't physical because when I masturbate I'm fine but sex just didn't feel like anything for a few years. It's only recently resolved. I think for me it was either a constant fear that I was rubbish so really wanted to try and satisfy my partner and therefore didn't focus at all on my own satisfaction, it may also have been not relaxing. There may be a physical aspect though; I've heard that as a woman matures they become more sensitive... I read somewhere that most women do not get an orgasm from penetrative sex until their 30s. I'm not saying that this is necessarily a reliable source, but it *could* explain this bizarre phenomenon, and could explain why I now enjoy sex infinitely more than I did say... 3 years ago. :holmes:
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Anonymous #1
#23
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#23
(Original post by Sazzy890)
I think it is probably psychological. I used to get this in the past, but thankfully for me it is resolved now! But I do believe that it was psychological and I don't really know how I changed that. I know it wasn't physical because when I masturbate I'm fine but sex just didn't feel like anything for a few years. It's only recently resolved. I think for me it was either a constant fear that I was rubbish so really wanted to try and satisfy my partner and therefore didn't focus at all on my own satisfaction, it may also have been not relaxing. There may be a physical aspect though; I've heard that as a woman matures they become more sensitive... I read somewhere that most women do not get an orgasm from penetrative sex until their 30s. I'm not saying that this is necessarily a reliable source, but it *could* explain this bizarre phenomenon, and could explain why I now enjoy sex infinitely more than I did say... 3 years ago. :holmes:
That could be me. I constantly worry when it comes to sexual things. I just worry about being bad at things, and being compared to past experiences the guy may have had, and being terrible in comparison!

Could be an explanation.
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billynofriends
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#24
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#24
I'm sure if you come round to mine......


.....my 14 inch penis would satisfy your needs
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Anonymous #1
#25
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#25
(Original post by billynofriends)
I'm sure if you come round to mine......


.....my 14 inch penis would satisfy your needs
I've been with a guy who was well endowed before. It just hurt. Sorry!
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Anonymous #2
#26
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#26
(Original post by little_ladyy)
My experiences are similar.
I could only reach an orgasm in the one position I always used for masturbating.
And I had to really train to reach an orgasm any other way. It really is a matter of training, and takes time, but it is possible.
Really quite glad there are others like me - when I first explained the situation to my current BF, he looked at me like I was a bit of a freak (unfortunately, his ex could come easily in any position, even from anal, without additional stimulation). We are all different.
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Anonymous #1
#27
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#27
(Original post by Anonymous)
Really quite glad there are others like me - when I first explained the situation to my current BF, he looked at me like I was a bit of a freak (unfortunately, his ex could come easily in any position, even from anal, without additional stimulation). We are all different.
That's not nice None of my boyfriends have judged me on it, gladly. But most really didn't care, and didn't try to fix it. As long as they enjoyed it, all was well. There have been a couple who have tried though. And failed!
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little_ladyy
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
Really quite glad there are others like me - when I first explained the situation to my current BF, he looked at me like I was a bit of a freak (unfortunately, his ex could come easily in any position, even from anal, without additional stimulation). We are all different.
tell me about it... *sigh*

(Original post by Anonymous)
That's not nice None of my boyfriends have judged me on it, gladly. But most really didn't care, and didn't try to fix it. As long as they enjoyed it, all was well. There have been a couple who have tried though. And failed!
I found that I came closer to an orgasm if the guy was not trying to make me come, but just enjoyed himself.
I don't mean being really selfish, but if a guy 'checks' on me every 5 minutes if I'm finally 'done' (and he can rest ) then I'm so stressed that I just cannot come at all.
If he loves what he's doing and lets me enjoy myself then it's much more fun to me.

I get stressed when I feel I have to 'perform' in a certain way (orgasm) to be 'good' at sex.
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Anonymous #1
#29
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#29
(Original post by little_ladyy)
tell me about it... *sigh*



I found that I came closer to an orgasm if the guy was not trying to make me come, but just enjoyed himself.
I don't mean being really selfish, but if a guy 'checks' on me every 5 minutes if I'm finally 'done' (and he can rest ) then I'm so stressed that I just cannot come at all.
If he loves what he's doing and lets me enjoy myself then it's much more fun to me.

I get stressed when I feel I have to 'perform' in a certain way (orgasm) to be 'good' at sex.
Oh yeah I wouldn't like it if a guy was checking on me all the time. I meant more that he was willing to try new things in an attempt to get me to enjoy it, and just generally show that he was aware I wasn't enjoying it. Luckily I've never actually been in a long term relationship, but I don't think I could put up with this terrible sex life I've been having for a long term thing. It gets me down. I'd want to knwo the guy is willing to work on things, and doesn't just want to stick with the same thing because he likes it.
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Anonymous #3
#30
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#30
(Original post by Sazzy890)
I think it is probably psychological. I used to get this in the past, but thankfully for me it is resolved now! But I do believe that it was psychological and I don't really know how I changed that. I know it wasn't physical because when I masturbate I'm fine but sex just didn't feel like anything for a few years. It's only recently resolved. I think for me it was either a constant fear that I was rubbish so really wanted to try and satisfy my partner and therefore didn't focus at all on my own satisfaction, it may also have been not relaxing. There may be a physical aspect though; I've heard that as a woman matures they become more sensitive... I read somewhere that most women do not get an orgasm from penetrative sex until their 30s. I'm not saying that this is necessarily a reliable source, but it *could* explain this bizarre phenomenon, and could explain why I now enjoy sex infinitely more than I did say... 3 years ago. :holmes:
My boyfriend said that of the women he's slept with, the ones over 30 come just from penetrative sex, but of those who are my age (20 and younger), none have ever come just from penetrative sex. At least we have something to look forward to!

I enjoy sex very much, but could probably enjoy it more if he spend more time on me.
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Anonymous #1
#31
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#31
I had a sexual disaster last night guys, not enjoying sex is no longer my problem! I've lost my mojo so it seems!!
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Anonymous #5
#32
Report 7 years ago
#32
Have to say as a bloke it's pretty interesting reading all this. Would it be fair to say though, that a good and open level of communication is needed between partners for this to work? The women I've been with have (I think!) enjoyed all the things I've done, but I can't help but think it's all very well wanting a guy to "work" on things...but surely he needs to know from his partner what this actually means?
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Anonymous #2
#33
Report 7 years ago
#33
(Original post by Anonymous)
I had a sexual disaster last night guys, not enjoying sex is no longer my problem! I've lost my mojo so it seems!!
How do you mean?
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Anonymous #2
#34
Report 7 years ago
#34
(Original post by Anonymous)
Have to say as a bloke it's pretty interesting reading all this. Would it be fair to say though, that a good and open level of communication is needed between partners for this to work? The women I've been with have (I think!) enjoyed all the things I've done, but I can't help but think it's all very well wanting a guy to "work" on things...but surely he needs to know from his partner what this actually means?
All very well and very true, good communication is very important... but if you haven't experienced pleasure during sexual things, it is very hard to know what will improve things for you. I well remember being asked by my boyfriend when I was hadn't experienced pleasure through sex with a partner before 'what would you like?' 'what do you want me to do?' but I didn't know the answers so I just said I didn't know! In the end, the things that improved it for me happened through a combination of happy accident and having a partner that was willing to just spend a long time trying lots of different things out.
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little_ladyy
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#35
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#35
(Original post by Anonymous)
I had a sexual disaster last night guys, not enjoying sex is no longer my problem! I've lost my mojo so it seems!!
(Original post by Anonymous)
How do you mean?
Yes.

What is a mojo ? (non-native speaker here)
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leeds85
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Anonymous)
I think you need to find a man who is REALLY interested in pleasing you sexually, and prepared to make a huge effort to find out how to get you there, not just go on doing what he has always done with other girls and not bother to find out which buttons to press for you.
I argee totally with this, lets face it alot of young men are learning too about sex. And with porn being their starting point of reference they more than likely to be going at it a 100mhp untill they *** without a care about what you what. The answer? dunno, put up with it untill your partner learns what its all about, keep swapping partners untill you find one that can make you happy or go and find an older man who knows what he's doing.
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hülya
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#37
Report 3 years ago
#37
I've never ever felt pleasure or had an orgasm during sex , I was with a fella for 3 years and near felt anything I found it boring and uncomfortable , I feel this is the reason for our break up due to loss of connection with eachother. Then after this relationship I was with 2 more fellas to see was he the problem but no still the same problem ! It depresses the life out of me I tried masturbating myself and still no pleasure or anything, please I need your help my friends laugh at me over this!
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Rajbir Lorriet
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#38
Report 3 years ago
#38
You have great experience. You have already sex with 4 peoples. But the main thing is you didn't enjoy anyone right? I just want to know did you use anything for safety like condom or anything else? If so, you might miss something. Because I personally don't enjoy with condom.
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Anonymous #6
#39
Report 3 years ago
#39
I can orgasm fine, I can never come. My boyfriend tries really hard for me, it feels very nice, I've just never been 100% satisfied. Even when masturbating, my clit gets a bit raw and starts to hurt after a while. I can't exactly get a vibrator, I don't have the money or the guts to order it online, because my parents always checks the post.
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Anonymous #7
#40
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#40
This definitely sounds psychological. A lot of people seem to get their 'sexual esteem' based on how many orgasms they can give, which is a terrible way to judge themselves as orgasms aren't everything: it should feel good before you get to orgasm. Also, the psychological block (which I suffer from too) of knowing that someone is trying to make you ***, and the potential that their self esteem is riding on it, well, is just too much to think about and... makes you not ***! And the more you want to *** and panic about it not happening already, the less turned on you are. And the more stressed you get. And so on.

I reckon the psychology goes deeper than that so have a think about that - when did you first become interested in sex? was it ever forced upon you (even if it's just boys playing kiss chase in the playground), so that you associate sex with being unhappy or shutting off emotions? It could be a reflex where your mind starts enjoying sexual ideas until they become real, and then it kicks into defense mode. What you want to do is break down that wall.

Whether or not it goes as deep as that or is simply stress, try having a rule with your boyfriend that you're not allowed to ***. It's a trick that works in MANY cases, but whatever happens make sure it's clear that he has to follow through with this - no matter how horny you are. If you don't believe he won't let you ***, the psychology of it won't work. Of course after a few sessions of this you might be able to break that barrier and revert into that mindset of really wanting to ***, so much that you don't care whether you're being good/bad at sex, or pleasing your partner, or not. And then you will orgasm.

Worked for me, and many others I'm friends with! ~~~
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