This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Anyone else feel it's just simpler to live alone?
- Anglia House Cambridge
- At what age did you move out and live alone?
- how much alcohol is too much
- Is it normal to be paranoid about this?
- Are you from west drayton? I really need someone
- parents refuse to buy safe foods
- Baldwin House - The Grange
- Living with seven boys being the only girl in the house
- Any ideas to do something with a girl?
- Uni accommodation agents
- Housing
- Looking for another girl for second year housing, Manchester 2025/26
- Was X a rule in your house?
- family bad situations
- Student Finance - Where will you be living
- Kallisto's Saturday Question: House
- pls help me mark my answer! question: write a story about loneliness
- 2nd year accomadation
- Want to move out
Alone in the house
Can anyone recommend any techniques to cope with being left alone in the house? My friend's mother keeps on leaving her alone in the house one night or a number of nights quite frequently, which she really is not comfortable with at all. She has spoken to her mother about perhaps reducing the frequency because it does have a bad effect on her losing a whole night's sleep, but her mother really has no time for her, saying it's her problem and to get on with it. The friend in question is 17 but please don't say she's old enough to cope because it's not quite as simple as that for a number of reasons 1)she's a bit of an insomniac and 2) because she has had a number of bad experiences in that house which have left her having this nervous disposition about being left alone, thinking that there is someone else in the house. I suggested watching films, reading, leaving lights on and just simply trying to go to sleep, even having a lavender scent thing!, but it really hasn't worked so does anyone have any suggestions?
Scroll to see replies
i was left alone in our house for nearly a week. except its a big 6bedroom house and we've been burgled twice and had windows smashed.
the best way to cope is to leave some of the lights on and to keep occupied. the less she thinks about actually being alone, the better she will feel, so keeping preoccupied should be a priority. to fall asleep, tell her to try and dim the lights and sit in front of the tv, with the tv on sleep timer. she will soon fall asleep and the tv will shut off by itself.
the best way to cope is to leave some of the lights on and to keep occupied. the less she thinks about actually being alone, the better she will feel, so keeping preoccupied should be a priority. to fall asleep, tell her to try and dim the lights and sit in front of the tv, with the tv on sleep timer. she will soon fall asleep and the tv will shut off by itself.
Captain Chaos
Go over there and spend time with her to stop her being scared, she's your friend for gods sake!
Of course i would do that and have done that, but her mother is so unpredictable when she's going out for the night, giving very short notice if any, leaving me no time to travel the required 30 miles.
--------------
Firebird
I was left alone in my house for two weeks when I was 18 and when I was 19, and I've been left alone since I was 14, and in my new house I couldn't put the alarm on during the night. It's got big patio doors as well and the stupid downstairs doors don't lock properly. I just got on with it and went to sleep, but random noises freaked me out.
For a precaution that'll make her feel better, she should sleep upstairs, with the door locked and a hockey stick or something by her bed. She should also sleep in a room where it's hard to get to the window without a ladder. Then no one can get to her unless they break down the door.
If she has gates, tell her to lock the gates at night. It's harder to get in, why climb over gates when you could walk through someone elses. She should leave a car out in the drive, preferably a less expensive one if she has a choice.
She should leave a light on in her downstairs hall and the upstairs landing - this makes it look like people are in. She should draw all the curtains as soon as night falls - then no one can see in to see that she's the only person in. She should also put the TV on, and if possible, leave it on all night, with the living room light on - it looks like there's someone there who can't sleep. She should close the upstairs curtains as well, at least the ones in the bedrooms, and maybe leave a light on in one of the front bedrooms.
The front door should be securely locked, preferably with a mortis lock and a chain, maybe even a bolt. The back door should be locked in a similar way. Then go into the hall and lock all the internal doors if possible. When upstairs, after doing all the curtains and a light in one of the rooms, she needs to lock all those doors from the outside as well, if she can. This way, if anyone breaks into a room, they can't get elsewhere in the house, unless they break into the hall, which is impossible in most houses since the windows are so small.
Obviously an important thing is that she puts the alarm on for downstairs and that she keeps a phone in the room where she's sleeping, so that she can call you or another friend if she's scared.
Okay, that was a long post, that's everything I know from staying on my own. Good luck!
For a precaution that'll make her feel better, she should sleep upstairs, with the door locked and a hockey stick or something by her bed. She should also sleep in a room where it's hard to get to the window without a ladder. Then no one can get to her unless they break down the door.
If she has gates, tell her to lock the gates at night. It's harder to get in, why climb over gates when you could walk through someone elses. She should leave a car out in the drive, preferably a less expensive one if she has a choice.
She should leave a light on in her downstairs hall and the upstairs landing - this makes it look like people are in. She should draw all the curtains as soon as night falls - then no one can see in to see that she's the only person in. She should also put the TV on, and if possible, leave it on all night, with the living room light on - it looks like there's someone there who can't sleep. She should close the upstairs curtains as well, at least the ones in the bedrooms, and maybe leave a light on in one of the front bedrooms.
The front door should be securely locked, preferably with a mortis lock and a chain, maybe even a bolt. The back door should be locked in a similar way. Then go into the hall and lock all the internal doors if possible. When upstairs, after doing all the curtains and a light in one of the rooms, she needs to lock all those doors from the outside as well, if she can. This way, if anyone breaks into a room, they can't get elsewhere in the house, unless they break into the hall, which is impossible in most houses since the windows are so small.
Obviously an important thing is that she puts the alarm on for downstairs and that she keeps a phone in the room where she's sleeping, so that she can call you or another friend if she's scared.
Okay, that was a long post, that's everything I know from staying on my own. Good luck!
Thank you very much, that truly was really good of you to go to such lengths giving advice. You're right about the random noises, they really made it worse for her.
different?
Of course i would do that and have done that, but her mother is so unpredictable when she's going out for the night, giving very short notice if any, leaving me no time to travel the required 30 miles.
When I was younger I used to be terrified of being alone in the house. It's quite big, 500 years old and in the middle of nowhere, so there are aways creaking floorboards and strange noises going on. What I used to do was put a radio on in each of the rooms, and turn the lights on that would realistically be used (e.g. the landing, kitchen, living room etc) and have the TV on all the time, even if I wasn't actually watching it. Don't know why, but something about having music and voices in the house made me feel less scared. Also leaving a list of the neighbours' phone numbers on the table next to the phone used to ease my mind a little. Admittedly I was about 12 when this used to scare me, but I don't see why it can't work for a 17 year old.
I don't know if your friend already has one, but you could also suggest getting a cat (or two!)... the house never feels empty when they are sitting on the sofa or mincing around the place
Just tell her to sleep with a baseball bat next to her bed, then if you hear anyone downstairs, go down and smack the ***** out of them....its self defence!
different?
Can anyone recommend any techniques to cope with being left alone in the house? My friend's mother keeps on leaving her alone in the house one night or a number of nights quite frequently, which she really is not comfortable with at all.
Am I missing something here?
PAR-TAY!
My parents are actively scared to leave me alone in the house for fear of coming back to find it a mess, all their food and booze gone and perhaps someone sleeping on the couch.
LibertineNorth
Am I missing something here?
PAR-TAY!
My parents are actively scared to leave me alone in the house for fear of coming back to find it a mess, all their food and booze gone and perhaps someone sleeping on the couch.
PAR-TAY!
My parents are actively scared to leave me alone in the house for fear of coming back to find it a mess, all their food and booze gone and perhaps someone sleeping on the couch.
She's not really like that, and anyway a party isn't much fun if you're on your own and none of us can get over to her house when it happens due to the short notice.
If she arranged a massive party and left the mess for her mum to clear up im sure it would make her mum a bit more reluctant to leave her alone. To add extra effect fill up a johnny with white shower gel and leave it in her mums room, she isnt going to be trusted on her own for a loonnnggg time 
. (perhaps do this on a night when she knows her mum will be out.)
Or she could sleep with a knife next to her bed, or get her mum to buy an alarm.
. (perhaps do this on a night when she knows her mum will be out.)Or she could sleep with a knife next to her bed, or get her mum to buy an alarm.
Yeah, I have a similar problem- my mother is awful- she won't buy an alarm or even locks for the windows.... 
I will have to invest my own money even though i'm going to uni soon...it leaves me totally incapacitated for the next day- too tired and edgy to work... also it's really weird- i come home every day and am alone by myself (not for long- about an hour) and i'm fine but if i know that i'm going to be alone that night the atmosphere kindof changes and i'm nervous even during the day.....!
As jeff2233 said I do have a cat but she's a wild thing and is always out at night! so not much help!
I will have to invest my own money even though i'm going to uni soon...it leaves me totally incapacitated for the next day- too tired and edgy to work... also it's really weird- i come home every day and am alone by myself (not for long- about an hour) and i'm fine but if i know that i'm going to be alone that night the atmosphere kindof changes and i'm nervous even during the day.....!As jeff2233 said I do have a cat but she's a wild thing and is always out at night! so not much help!
i had the house to myself for 2 weeks which was really weird to me because this house is constantly full of people! get her to make sure she closes all the curtains and blinds. my kitchen has blinds that i can't shut, so that was the thing that freaked me out the most at night time, the pitch black behind the window. Also if her house is normally noisy leave the TV or something, it makes a huge difference!
My parents are actively scared to leave me alone in the house for fear of coming back to find it a mess, all their food and booze gone and perhaps someone sleeping on the couch.
yup, mine are the same....
yeah...i was gonna say keep a knife handy :P
Thats not a good idea....
Unexpieranced knife users are near to useless...
However, the bsaeball bat/hockey stick or golf club(my preferance) are quite usefull.
I tend to have my music turned up, and although I may have other lgiht's turned on, I'd prefere to stick to one room, with all the door's shut, then I'm less likely to hear/see things...
Although if possible, can't she invite a mate round? If one of my mates is lonely because his rent's are away, we tend to group up ect...
I dont really like being alone in the house either. When my parents went away in the summer, i was alone and someone broke into my neighbours house during the night 
But i heard nothing, because i had my fan on! Its like a comfort thing when im alone, i put my fan on, so i cant hear any noises - if i hear anything i get freaked out. So maybe she could try sleeping with something next to her?
She could also leave a tv on downstairs, and a few lights so that people assume someones in. Also, why doesnt she tell the neighbours shes alone alot? That way they could keep an eye on the house while shes there.
But i heard nothing, because i had my fan on! Its like a comfort thing when im alone, i put my fan on, so i cant hear any noises - if i hear anything i get freaked out. So maybe she could try sleeping with something next to her?She could also leave a tv on downstairs, and a few lights so that people assume someones in. Also, why doesnt she tell the neighbours shes alone alot? That way they could keep an eye on the house while shes there.
B_e_x
But i heard nothing, because i had my fan on! Its like a comfort thing when im alone, i put my fan on, so i cant hear any noises - if i hear anything i get freaked out. So maybe she could try sleeping with something next to her?
So you are more comfortable not knowing if a burglar has broken into your house and possibly being incredibly surprised when you see them start ramsacking your room? And you can be constantly thinking about if a burglar has come in because you don't know as you can't hear anything
Tw!stEd
Thats not a good idea....
Unexpieranced knife users are near to useless...
However, the bsaeball bat/hockey stick or golf club(my preferance) are quite usefull.
Thats not a good idea....
Unexpieranced knife users are near to useless...
However, the bsaeball bat/hockey stick or golf club(my preferance) are quite usefull.
I'd agree with that one. From a technical point of view, you have to be much better with a knife to have any effect, especially if you're in a blind panic. Plus it's much easier to wrench it off you, with obvious undesirable consequences. With a hockey stick/baseball bat not only do you have a wider range (i.e. they don't have to be on top of you) but you don't have to be nearly as skilful to incapacitate someone.
Plus, in the absolute worst situation that someone did break in and you had to do this, the police would look a lot more kindly on someone who just "happened to have their hockeystick lying nearby" and knocked someone out, than someone who deliberately had a knife by their bed and stabbed someone (not sure how offensive weapon rules work in the home, but you certainly are not allowed to carry one, so premeditating having a weapon with you might not be a great idea). Think Tony Martin.
Edit: I realise this is a rather long-winded rant about weaponry, which in all reality is unlikely to be necessary. Firebird's advice on security is really good, and having friends around to stay can never be a bad thing!
you are allowed to defend yourself once the other person has attacked...but if you hear someone moving around downstairs and go down to do battle (!!) you are -according to the law- assaulting him.
no one else has mentioned this but is there a neighbour who has a dog? (preferably great dane or alsation!!!) she could maybe speak to this neighbour and ask whether they would mind her coming over and borrowing the dog for the nights her mum is out...she could walk it in return or something.
i have two big ****-off greyhounds crosses...i get left on my own in my house (which, for the purposes of showing that dogs are the best, is big, old and creaky!!!). im fine alone...as long as both dogs are with me. they're both gd at growling at odd noises and i figure any would be burglar would avoid the room that contains two ferociously howling hounds!!!
anyway - happy hunting for large dogs in your area and good luck with your burglar defence systems one and all!!
no one else has mentioned this but is there a neighbour who has a dog? (preferably great dane or alsation!!!) she could maybe speak to this neighbour and ask whether they would mind her coming over and borrowing the dog for the nights her mum is out...she could walk it in return or something.
i have two big ****-off greyhounds crosses...i get left on my own in my house (which, for the purposes of showing that dogs are the best, is big, old and creaky!!!). im fine alone...as long as both dogs are with me. they're both gd at growling at odd noises and i figure any would be burglar would avoid the room that contains two ferociously howling hounds!!!
anyway - happy hunting for large dogs in your area and good luck with your burglar defence systems one and all!!
I love being left alone in the house as I cannot stand my family!
P.S. I have been left alone since 8 so I am kind of used to it
Kill_More_Foxes
you are allowed to defend yourself once the other person has attacked...but if you hear someone moving around downstairs and go down to do battle (!!) you are -according to the law- assaulting him.
no one else has mentioned this but is there a neighbour who has a dog? (preferably great dane or alsation!!!) she could maybe speak to this neighbour and ask whether they would mind her coming over and borrowing the dog for the nights her mum is out...she could walk it in return or something.
i have two big ****-off greyhounds crosses...i get left on my own in my house (which, for the purposes of showing that dogs are the best, is big, old and creaky!!!). im fine alone...as long as both dogs are with me. they're both gd at growling at odd noises and i figure any would be burglar would avoid the room that contains two ferociously howling hounds!!!
anyway - happy hunting for large dogs in your area and good luck with your burglar defence systems one and all!!
no one else has mentioned this but is there a neighbour who has a dog? (preferably great dane or alsation!!!) she could maybe speak to this neighbour and ask whether they would mind her coming over and borrowing the dog for the nights her mum is out...she could walk it in return or something.
i have two big ****-off greyhounds crosses...i get left on my own in my house (which, for the purposes of showing that dogs are the best, is big, old and creaky!!!). im fine alone...as long as both dogs are with me. they're both gd at growling at odd noises and i figure any would be burglar would avoid the room that contains two ferociously howling hounds!!!
anyway - happy hunting for large dogs in your area and good luck with your burglar defence systems one and all!!
Well i would gladly lend her my dog but he's so ferocious he'd probably attack HER!
Is it possible that the fact that doesn't have a happy home life in general have anything to do with it?
Related discussions
- Anyone else feel it's just simpler to live alone?
- Anglia House Cambridge
- At what age did you move out and live alone?
- how much alcohol is too much
- Is it normal to be paranoid about this?
- Are you from west drayton? I really need someone
- parents refuse to buy safe foods
- Baldwin House - The Grange
- Living with seven boys being the only girl in the house
- Any ideas to do something with a girl?
- Uni accommodation agents
- Housing
- Looking for another girl for second year housing, Manchester 2025/26
- Was X a rule in your house?
- family bad situations
- Student Finance - Where will you be living
- Kallisto's Saturday Question: House
- pls help me mark my answer! question: write a story about loneliness
- 2nd year accomadation
- Want to move out
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Mum makes a big deal about me having locked my phoneLast reply 1 month ago
Will they put it on my medical records if I ask for stronger painkillers?Health
8
24
