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please help me

ok, i hope you guys can help me...before something really bad happens...

my best friend is christian and her boyfriend is pakistani. they love each other so much even though they know they have no future together because his parents will never accept her..they ve been going out for a few months now and it s really hard for them to leave each other...
he said he cannot marry her becase his parents will never accept her...but than she came up with an idea "what if you go to your country and marry your own and than come back and marry me" he said he can do that and he was really happy to hear that. ( believe me, she is a GOOD girl ) but he said that s not going to happen for next 2 years but he s still going to stay with her until that day comes....

now...please tell me if you think this is true? do you think he s really going to do that? i love my best friend so much and i dont want her to get hurt...because she s already hurting so much... and she doesnt deserve that... thank you.

Reply 1

yusufu

16

should really be in H+R.
how old are they?

Reply 2

QT06

OP

Undry1

should really be in H+R.
how old are they?

she is 20 and he s 27....

Reply 3

Little Girl Red

1

I don't understand...can he have two wives? Wont his family still be really unhappy that he's married a christian girl?

Reply 4

QT06

OP

Little Girl Red

I don't understand...can he have two wives? Wont his family still be really unhappy that he's married a christian girl?

Muslims can have 4 wives i think...

Reply 5

Nysh

1

It's complicated. What about the other woman he marries? I think that is ethically disgusting.

Your friend won't like it either, in the future.

Reply 6

QT06

OP

Nysh

It's complicated. What about the other woman he marries? I think that is ethically disgusting.

Your friend won't like it either, in the future.

Believe me, she loves him so much that she wouldnt mind that much for him to have another wife....(what you mean by "the other woman he marris" what about her?)

Reply 7

QT06

OP

i just want to know if you think this is realistic.... please help... :frown:

(

Reply 8

random123

2

If he goes back to pakistan and marries some woman, won't he be bringing her back to the UK? He might be able to be married to god knows how many people in pakistan, but in the UK he can only have one wife. Presumably his parents will want his pakistani wife to come to the UK and get registered under British Law, when that happens he can't marry your friend too.

Reply 9

QT06

OP

Joe_87

If he goes back to pakistan and marries some woman, won't he be bringing her back to the UK? He might be able to be married to god knows how many people in pakistan, but in the UK he can only have one wife. Presumably his parents will want his pakistani wife to come to the UK and get registered under British Law, when that happens he can't marry your friend too.

actually we are in US... not UK... but i think he s going to leave his wife back in pakistan..

Reply 10

Laursy

10

im not being nasty to his family but it is his life surely he doesn;t need to go through all of that hurt to marry the one he loves,

is there no way his parents can accpet her??
it seems really unfair

sorry im not much help

Reply 11

QT06

OP

Laursy

im not being nasty to his family but it is his life surely he doesn;t need to go through all of that hurt to marry the one he loves,

is there no way his parents can accpet her??
it seems really unfair

sorry im not much help

he said there is no way his family will accept her...

Reply 12

Laursy

10

then can't he just marry her anyway and then deal with the aftermath,
if i loved someone that much i would it will take time but they may start to accept it!! even if it takes ages

Reply 13

ssmoose

13

If he loves your friend enough he would do it without there blessing, and deal with the consequences. It is obvious that his family will make him choice, them or your friend. If my parents refused to accept my girlfriend I would cut all ties with them.

Reply 14

Jelkin

17

"What about the other woman"??? Surely this is a HORRIBLE thing to do to the one he marries in Pakistan then abandons there! Will he not support her? The very idea is an insult to the institution of marriage.

If he loves her that much, surely he will choose her over his family? It sounds like that is what this comes down to. And if he tries (foolishly IMO) to have both, then I hope that your friend makes the right decision.

Reply 15

wendizzle22

1

Jumping into marriage after just a few months would be quite premature - even 2 years seems early, whether it's inter-racial or not. She definitely won't be able to get married to him in a church, although I guess he wouldn't want to either due to not agreeing with the vows that include a christian god etc.
In a perfect world, the parents would realise that she is a good girl and accept her as a person, not for a belief. Meh, religion is so awkward at times.

Reply 16

e11even

10

If he goes back and marries his own, how sure is he that his parents will allow for another marriage to someone not of his own? By marrying his own, he would have to take care of her as well. I assume he will, seeing as you say he's a good person. It is possible, but your friend will have to understand and live with the fact that his parents will treat his first wife better, and that he will have to support his first wife as well. I know this sounds har0sh, but from what it seems, it's true. I'm sure she's a good person, but there's a difference between being 'right' and being 'morally right'.

Reply 17

rahmed

Leaving his wife in Pakistan may cause trouble not just for him but also for his family as links between them and the wifes family will be broken - what about the wife in Pakistan, it seems to me like she is being treated as an object! You cant just marry someone and leave them behind!

By the way, muslim men can marry christian women, however the kids may be a bit confused as to what religion to follow. The only problem is that the parents may not want that, the guy should stop now, before he goes too far into the already dangerous situation. Either that, or tell his parents that he wants to marry the chrisitian woman - nothing really wrong with that!

Reply 18

Ferrus

19

rahmed

By the way, muslim men can marry christian women, however the kids may be a bit confused as to what religion to follow. The only problem is that the parents may not want that, the guy should stop now, before he goes too far into the already dangerous situation. Either that, or tell his parents that he wants to marry the chrisitian woman - nothing really wrong with that!

In some ways there in an irony, because muslim women aren't allowed to marry Christian or Jewish men, because the children are expected to take the fathers religion. However in Judaism and to a lesser extent in Christianity (most notably among Catholics) it is often seen as the mothers responsibilty to educate regarding religion.

Reply 19

rahmed

i know what you mean, but in Islam it is still the duty of both parents (if they are the same religion) to educate their children.

please help me

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